Page 53 of Having the Time of My Midlife

“The prizes aren’t cash,” Alana Catherine pointed out quietly.

She was right, and when I glanced down at the bottom of the board, my stomach roiled. The prize was a person. A person who was near and dear to my heart—a part of me. The man whohad been my husband and who’d been murdered by Clarissa. The heinous former Angel of Mercy had done her best to make it look like an accident… a suicide. The truth had eventually come out, but it was too late for Steve.

I’d loved him, and he’d love me. I still loved him, but not like I loved Gideon. Gideon was my soulmate. The man I was going to spend eternity with. Steve had been my first love, but it wasn’t a real marriage, so to speak. While he’d loved me as a best friend, he wasn’t capable of loving me as a romantic partner. I’d spent many years wondering what was wrong with me. It had messed with my self-esteem and self-worth. But it hadn’t been me. My husband, who’d grown up in an abusively religious household, had been gay. Something he wasn’t able to admit to himself or to me in life. However, in death, he came back. I was his unfinished business, and he was devastated that he’d lied to both of us for so long. His mission before he could leave the earthly plane was to help me find the love that I deserved. The love he wasn’t able to give to me.

It had devastated and infuriated me initially. But my love for Steve transcended any long-term anger. In the end, I was as heartbroken as he was that he hadn’t been able to live his true, authentic life. His friendship and love for all those years shaped me into the woman I was today. He would hold a top place in my and Gideon’s hearts forever.

Sending my best friend back into the Light was imperative. It was where he belonged.

“I don’t like them odds,” Gram huffed, looking at the board. Steve’s name was there three times. The other three slots were empty of a name. “What happens if the chip don’t land on Steve?’

I had no answer. I didn’t want to consider it. I pointed to another game. “What’s that one?”

Gram and Alana Catherine exchanged concerned glances but didn’t say anything. We walked across the stage to the next game.

“That one is called Cliffhangers,” Gram explained. “That there little mountain climber guy is the key to winnin’ or losin’. Bob, or Fake Bob, is gonna show you an item. If you get the price right that little climber man stays where he is. If you get it wrong, he starts climbing up the mountain. If he gets to the top and falls off the cliff, you lose.”

“Seems kind of violent,” Alana Catherine commented.

I didn’t disagree. Leaning in, I took a closer look at the little mountain climber guy and gasped. He was a small replica of Steve.

“Oh my God,” I said.

“What’s wrong?” Gram asked.

I pointed at the little man. “It’s Steve. The mountain man looks like Steve.

Gram closed her eyes and pressed the bridge of her nose. “Lemme apologize up front.”

“For?” Alana Catherine asked.

“For this,” Gram replied. She stomped her feet and punched the board. “This is FUCKED,” she shouted, then took a dramatic pause. “That. That was what I was apologizin’ for.”

“No need,” I told her. It occurred to me that Steve would have laughed his head off to hear Gram cuss. He had the most wonderful sense of humor and adored Gram.

Our odds of winning Steve back were growing slimmer with each game. The Higher Power was screwing with me. What I needed to know was why. What was the benefit of sending me over the edge? It was supposed to be some kind of benevolent being. So far, It seemed like a huge gaping narcissistic asshole. I didn’t understand the game. And I still couldn’t wrap my head around why only six dead had come back from the Light. If therewas a tear in the Light, there should be millions, if not trillions, roaming around.

“Why haven’t we seen the Higher Power yet?” I asked. Since I didn’t know the answer, maybe one of the others did.

“Maybe we have,” Gram said. “Kill me now if it was that horny Fake Pat Sajak.”

“Or the perpetually pissed-off Fake Alex Trebek,” Alana Catherine added with a shake of her head.

“If it was Fake Vanna White, I’m quitting. It doesn’t seem worth it if the Higher Power wears spanks and twerks,” I commented.

Gram cackled. Alana Catherine looked shocked for a beat before she threw her head back and laughed. I joined them. It was insanely inappropriate to laugh considering the circumstances, but the release was cathartic.

“Alana Catherine, are you sure the stage manager gal wasn’t the Higher Power?” I asked.

Her brow wrinkled in thought. “I was sure of it when I said it, but now… I don’t know.”

“Does it matter?” Gram asked.

It was a good question that I didn’t have an answer to. The Higher Power would reveal Itself when it wanted to be seen. It was as cryptic as the rest of the Immortals. Being older than time made many of those who lived forever lose it. Some truly lost their minds and went off the deep end like Zadkiel had. Others lost touch with reality and humanity. It was tragic and very dangerous. I didn’t know where the Higher Power sat in that spectrum, but with someone who was thought of as the supreme leader of all, it could certainly go to Its head… or worse.

“Next game, please,” I said, pushing all the dark thoughts away and putting my focus where it needed to be.

Gram obliged. She walked us over to a huge wheel. I’d seen this one when I’d watched the show with her over the years.

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