Page 21 of Having the Time of My Midlife

“Daisy!” Jennifer called from the top of the stairs. “Are your sparkly magic friends still here?”

Pandora, Cecily and Abaddon appeared confused. Even from Jennifer’s voice it was obvious she was human.

“They are,” I called back. “Is everything okay?”

Gideon was at the bottom of the stairs in less time than it took to blink. He didn’t screw around when it came to our daughter.

“It’s fabu! Our little pooper is brilliant!” Jennifer squealed. “A first just happened and y’all missed it. I’m coming down. Y’all are not gonna believe it!”

My stomach dropped. I was in the middle of what could amount to the end of everything and I was more devastated that I’d missed one of my daughter’s firsts.

Jennifer hustled down the stairs with a babbling, beautiful baby in her arms. The Four Horsemen were not happy with the company and moved to create a drag queen wall, separating Cecily, Abaddon and Pandora from our child.

“Is that a human?” Pandora asked warily. “A human who is aware of the Immortal world?”

Jennifer waved. “Sure am, but don’t worry yourself about it! Name’s Jennifer and I’m real dang good at keeping secrets! And… here’s the kicker, I’ve got so much Botox in my face, I’m invincible. Also had my boobs and ass done. Got a buttload of botulism and filler in me. Cost me the settlements from a couple of my divorces. If I get hit by a magic zinger it just bounces right off.”

Cecily laughed with delight. “Is she serious?”

“Very,” I replied then turned back to the Botoxed gal in question. “What did my baby do?” I took Alana Catherine into my arms and sniffed her little head. I had no idea why babies and puppies smelled so delicious, but I was going to enjoy it for as long as I could.

Jennifer tried to grin, but the filler in her face made it difficult. “She said, papa!”

Gideon looked like he was about to cry with happiness. If I was being honest, I was the tiniest bit jealous that mama wasn’t her first word, but my excitement overrode any petty crap I felt.

“That there baby is as smart as a whip,” Gram said, floating over. “Kinda young to be talkin’ but that ain’t surprising considerin’ who her mama and daddy are!”

Gram had a point. It was way too early for Alana to be talking. She wasn’t even sitting up yet. However, the point had been well made. Her daddy was the Grim Reaper and her mama was the Angel of Mercy slash Death Counselor. Weird was our normal.

“Papa,” Alana Catherine said, pointing her chubby finger across the room.

“He’s right here, baby,” I cooed at her as Gideon stepped into her sightline.

“Papa,” she said again, not looking at Gideon. She wagged her little finger towards where the queens stood.

I laughed. “Umm… those are your well-dressed uncles,” I told her. “Papa is right here.” I handed her to Gideon.

He kissed her nose and cuddled her close. Our daughter wasn’t having any of it. She kept pointing across the room and babbling papa over and over.

Candy Vargo walked over and reached out for the baby. “May I?”

Gideon gave her a stern look that would have made most people run and hide. It didn’t faze Candy. “May you what?”

“Can I have the baby so we can fuckin’ figure out what she’s tryin’ to tell us?” she shot right back.

Everyone winced at her choice of words. Even Candy Vargo grimaced.

“Lemme try that again,” she muttered.

“That’s right,” Gram chastised her. “If the F-bomb is the next thing out of that baby’s mouth, I’m gonna pitch a hissy fit with a tail on it. Once we get this settled, you and me are goin’ into the bathroom and you’re gonna wash that mouth out with soap. Three times! You hear me, girlie?”

“Why three?” Tim asked Gram.

Gram shrugged. “Three has power,” she told him. “Always been my favorite number.”

Tim jotted it down.

“Did you hear me, Candy girl?” Gram demanded.

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