Page 16 of Having the Time of My Midlife

Lilith, Cecily’s mother and the former Goddess of the Darkness, walked back into the scene with Gideon beside her. She joined the conversation. “You will be able to commune with the Higher Power as the Goddess of the Darkness.”

“Wait. Hold up.” Cecily’s hands doubled into fists at her sides, but she kept her tone calm and reasonable. “Is the Higher Power actually a person? Someone or thing that’s tangible? All of you guys keep saying It’s an entity… you can’t see It withyour eyes. Bottom line, I’m fucking confused. How can you talk to something that’s been described to me as an elusive light?”

Candy Vargo blew a loud raspberry from her mouth. “Shit’s hard to comprehend,” she admitted. “Don’t help all that fuckin’ much that you’re only forty years old.”

“I’m also forty,” I’d reminded everyone. “I stand with Cecily on this line of questioning. She and I have accepted a lot in a short amount of time. The Higher Power is difficult to swallow. Not to mention, Cecily has to deal with It. Soon. Enough of the vague bullshit. If no one here knows what they’re talking about, admit it. Give the Bitch Goddess Cecily the respect she’s due. All of you are old enough, and I do mean old enough, to acknowledge if you have no clue how to explain this.”

The room went silent. Glances were exchanged.

Gideon was the one to speak first. Bowing his head in respect to both Cecily and me, he smiled apologetically. “As usual, the Angel of Mercy speaks with common sense that us older people seem to have forgotten how to use. Sometimes to make clear what is muddy can verge on impossible.”

“Nothing is impossible,” I reminded the man I loved. “You just have to believe.”

“Great fucking monologue,” Candy Vargo said, clapping me on the back. “You come off as pretty smart yourself.”

Gram didn’t even yell at her for the foul language as she zipped around above. “That’s my girl,” she preened. “Always has been the smartest gol’darn person in the room.”

I’ll admit it felt good, making Gram proud.

“There’s more to watch,” Charlie said, unpausing the shitshow of our past with a wave of his hand.

On-screen Gideon chuckled. “Fine,” he said to on-screen me. “The Higher Power is whatever or whomever you see It as.”

Cecily rolled her eyes. I didn’t blame her. “Soooooo, if I want Tim to be the Higher Power because he’s really nice then he becomes the Higher Power?”

Tim giggled. “Oh my! What a lovely compliment, Bitch Goddess Cecily! But alas, no. It doesn’t work that way.”

“Lemme give it a shot,” Candy Vargo said.

“Be my guest, friend,” Tim told her.

“Alrighty then,” she said, splaying her hands out in front of her. She began to shimmer and her knotted hair floated around her head. It was a scary look coupled with her mismatched sweats and sandals. “Pretend you’re on the Higher Power’s plane.”

“How did I get there?” Cecily asked.

Candy hissed at her. “That don’t matter right yet.”

Cecily took a healthy step back. “Got it.”

“Just envision what I’m fuckin’ sayin’, Badass,” she instructed. “You’re just fuckin’ walking along and minding your own business, and then BAM! You feel It. Your blood runs cold, and you sneeze like a motherfucker. All of a sudden, the wind kicks up and the trees uproot—screamin’ in agony as they break in half like they were twigs. The animals begin to screech, and the air smells of death. You close your eyes, and all of a sudden Mr. Fucking Rogers is standing there with Mr. McFeely. You’re pretty sure that Pee-wee Herman is nearby since his bike is hanging from one of the trees.”

“Oh my God. STOP,” Heather snapped. She was glowing, and her magical tattoos raced along her arms and neck. “With all due respect, what in the actual fuck are you talking about? Not real sure this is helping.”

Candy raised her hands to electrocute Heather. Heather was ready to go back at the Keeper of Fate with her hands held high. Abaddon stepped between the women and growled.

“Stand down,” he ground out. “Violence is not what is needed. Do you understand or shall we take this outside so I can help you understand?”

Both women dropped their arms. The entire room heaved a sigh of relief.

Lilith began to laugh. It sounded unhinged, but it was definitely laughter. “Hang on, please. I have to disagree with Heather. Candy Vargo has made a fine point—rather bizarre, but not unhelpful.”

Everyone stared at Lilith.

“Keep talking,” Cecily told her mother.

“Open the door in your mind and let Pandora join the conversation,” she instructed. “But give her a warning that the door can be bolted shut again as easily as it was unbolted.”

We couldn’t hear Pandora, not then or now, since in the scene she was trapped inside of Cecily’s mind. Unfortunately, from the pained wince on Cecily’s face she could hear the evil goddess loud and clear.

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