I keep thrusting, and she matches my pace. When we’re both spent, she rests her head on my shoulder, and I stroke her hair. She’s breathless. “Holden.”
“Yeah, baby?”
She lifts her head. “I’m not using you. I wouldn’t do that.”
“I know that…“
“I just…” she starts, but she buries her head in my neck and stops talking.
I hold her to me. “It’s okay.”
She takes a deep breath. “I should go back to my room.”
“Stay,” I demand. “Just lie here with me and let me hold you for a while.”
She’s going to say no. I can feel the way her body tenses that she’s going to tell me no, but she surprises me with a whispered “Okay.”
I lift her from my body and lay her back on the bed. She’s limp, and she lies there with her arm over her head. I go to the bathroom and turn on the water in the sink. As soon as it warms up, I wet a washcloth and make my way back to Cat. I tenderly clean her up, and she’s so out of it, she just lets me.
“Cat, honey, you okay?”
“Mmm hmmm,” she says with a small smile on her face.
I chuckle, go to clean myself up, and then make my way back to the bed. I climb in next to her, tuck her against my body, and pull the blankets up over us.
She burrows into me, and I hold her so tightly she laughs and pulls back a little.
“Sorry.” I stroke her hair. “Cat?”
She yawns. “Yeah?”
“Can I ask you about Cole’s dad?”
She tenses, and I rub my hand up and down her back. “Forget it, if you don’t want to talk about it—”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s fine. It was a long time ago. Cole was just a few months old when he moved away.”
“He just moved away?”
She nods against my chest. “Yeah, he didn’t want to be a dad.”
“Umph, okay, so he didn’t want to be a dad. He just left?”
“Yep, and we haven’t heard from him since.”
I raise up so I can see her face. “He hasn’t reached out to Cole at all? Sent you money? Checked on him? Anything?”
She shakes her head. “It’s his loss.”
I hold her a little tighter. “Fuck yeah, it’s his loss.”
“I was fine with him leaving. He was cheating on me, and it was a bad situation, and even though I know Cole needed a man in his life, I do think he was better off without Mike’s influence. It’s been hard, playing the role of mom and dad, and heck, Cole’s probably going to need therapy someday—”
I lift her chin so she’s looking at me. “You’ve done a great job with him, Cat. He’s a great young man. He’s smart, caring, kind, he works hard, he’s determined. I think he’s going to do great in life.”
She lets out a shuddered breath. “Thank you. It’s nice to hear that because a lot of times I just hear the things in my head, and I feel like I’m screwing up every day… multiple times a day.”
“You’re a good mother… the best.”