Page 5 of Beyond Reason

I let out a sigh of relief when he calls me by my nickname. He has to be softening to my request if he calls me anything but my last name. I pull my shoulders back and walk into the troop commander’s office. He moves a little slower and drops heavily into his chair behind his desk.

“Did you want to talk about something?”

I spurt out a laugh and then catch myself. “Commander, I think you know what I want to talk about. I submitted all the paperwork for my retirement almost six months ago. The date I requested was two months ago, and I want to check on the paperwork because I’ve heard nothing back.”

He stares at me, and I shrug my shoulders. “Did I miss a signature line? Maybe I missed a paper or something? I thought I turned it all in, but if I missed something, can you let me know?”

He holds his hands together on the top of the desk. “You know Warren is teaching now. Have you considered doing that?”

I know who he’s talking about. Warren is a buddy of mine, so I know his story, and the fact is, Warren is happy teaching because his fiancée is here. “I’m not teaching.” I take a deep breath and tell him, “I want out.”

His jaw tightens. “So you want to go through with it?”

His eyes are boring into me, and I stare back at him without blinking. I don’t even hesitate. “Yeah, I want to go through with it.”

“But—” he starts, and I nod my head.

“I know. Trust me, I know whatever you’re about to tell me or warn me about. I want to do this. It’s time for me to go home.”

He purses his lips together and gives one big nod with an exhale of breath. “Okay. We hoped you’d change your mind, but obviously that’s not going to be the case.” He pulls a folder from the top drawer of his desk and opens it. He wraps his hand around the big stamp and pounds it on the signed paperwork. “Approved. It’s done. You can go home.”

For just a second, I’m filled with fear. “I can go home… now?”

For twenty years, I’ve served, and even though this is what I want, I’m not going to act like the idea of leaving this life doesn’t leave me a little overwhelmed.

The troop commander nods. “Yep, I should have signed it a few months ago, but I was hoping you were going to change your mind. You are one of the best designated marksmen I’ve ever worked with, Southpaw… We’re going to miss you around here.”

I clear my throat to hide the emotion welling inside me. This is all I’ve known for twenty years, and just like that, I’m done. I thank him, and as I walk out of the office, my thoughts go to Jane. I type out a text to her.

“I’m coming home.”

I think about it and am about to delete it before I impulsively hit send. With a sigh of relief, I call Ethan. He picks up on the first ring and says hello.

“Hey,” I croak out.

He’s taken aback, and it doesn’t take him long to figure it out. “They’re letting you out.”

It’s more of a statement than a question. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.

Ethan laughs on the other end. “Breathe, brother. It’s going to be okay. This is what you wanted.”

I snap myself out of it as the doubts start to pile up. “I know, but…”

I walk outside the building and take a deep breath. I don’t slow down as I walk to the barracks. I’ve been living out of my sack for a while now, hoping for this day, and I could literally be on the road in an hour.

“But what? You said this was what you wanted. Have you changed your mind?”

I shake my head. “No. I want this.”

Ethan laughs. “So what are you so freaked out about?”

“I’m not—” I start to deny it, but Ethan is quick to call me out.

“We served side by side for how many years? I know you, and you’re freaking out. It’s Jane, isn’t it? Have you told her you’re coming home?”

My voice doesn’t even sound like my own. “I sent her a text.”

Ethan laughs loudly into the phone. “You sent her a text?”

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