Page 4 of Beyond Reason

I bite on to my lower lip and stare at him. He’s been upfront about everything, and I know I just need to say it. “And if we get married, what about me and you… what will you expect from me… as your wife?”

His face hardens, and then it’s as if I can see him forcing himself to relax. “I will expect you to take care of the house and yourself. That’s it.”

“But…” I start but don’t finish. I should just leave well enough alone, but I’m the type of person that needs everything spelled out. “But we’ll be married. You won’t expect…”

I can feel the heat crawl up my face in embarrassment, but I don’t look away from him. I know this conversation is important, and we need to have it.

He lays my hands on the table between us and covers them with his. The weight of them feels good, but I try not to think about it. When he starts to talk, his voice is husky. “I won’t lie to you, Jane. I’m attracted to you, but I won’t act on it. You’re eighteen and way too young for me. I’m doing this because I want to—I need to—know you’re okay. The house and you are the only two things you need to worry about.”

I try not to show my disappointment. It’s crazy; we just met, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that a part of me was secretly hoping for more. At least he admitted that he’s attracted to me. At least I wasn’t imagining that.

“For how long?” I ask him.

His forehead creases in confusion. “How long for what?”

I pull my hands out from under his and rest them on my lap under the table. This discussion is real and intense, but the sounds of the diner with the clinking of glasses and silverware hitting plates that are playing in the background are keeping me grounded. “How long will we be married?”

He blows out a breath and with a look of distaste says, “Until it’s not mutually beneficial anymore. You can divorce me any time you want to. I’m not holding you captive. You can do what you want, Jane.”

The man sitting across from me might as well be a stranger. I don’t know anything about him outside of what my brother has told me. I do know he saved my brother one time in their career, and it’s obvious Grant is a good man. I think about my choices, and the decision should be easy. I can stay here and have nothing or I can go with Grant where at least I’ll have a roof over my head, and I’ll have options. I know what I have to do. I just hope I don’t come to regret it. “Okay, I’ll marry you.”

CHAPTER3

GRANT

SEVEN YEARS LATER

It’s time.

Hell, it’s past time.

I’ve put it off for too long, and I have to do something about it. I could go on another mission and be gone for months on end. The SEAL team would be happy if I did, and there’s a big part of me that hates leaving my brothers in arms. I’ve struggled with this, but once I finally made the decision, I was at peace with it. I went through all the proper channels. I talked to my superiors. I filled out the paperwork, I completed the separation counseling and have been cleared to leave with the suggestion I continue therapy for the nightmares that I’ve been having.

I know that since I’ve only been enlisted for twenty years, I’ll be leaving with only 50 percent of my salary. I know if I just put in another ten years, I’ll get the full 100 percent and more. But it’s not worth it to me.

I know all of the reasons that I should stay, but it’s time for me to go home.

I fidget in the seat as I sit outside the troop commander’s office.

I requested this meeting, and he’s put me off and put me off, so now I’m sitting here waiting for him to come out. He can’t avoid me forever.

One way or another, I’m leaving, and I prefer to do it with approval instead of just going AWOL.

I stand up and move to the window and stare out at the base. As I cross my arms over my chest, I let my mind wander, and like always, the first thing I think about is Jane.

My wife.

She’s my wife in name only. On paper, we’re truly married. According to the Navy, our marriage is 100 percent legit. But in all the ways that count, we’re not really husband and wife.

For the last seven years, I’ve kept my distance even though it’s the last thing I wanted to do. I tried going home once, but after only one night with her in the cozy home she had created, I knew she was too tempting and I wouldn’t be able to keep my distance from her. So after that, I made a point to stay busy. I went on every deployment I could, spent my free time alone, and did my best to stop thinking of her.

And even though I was successful in staying away from her and my home in Whiskey Run, I couldn’t refuse her when she made a point to call me every week or when she sent me care packages filled with homemade cookies, brownies, and letters that smelled like lilacs and reminded me of her.

No matter how much time I spent on the battlefield or on missions, doing my best to think of anything but her, all I could do is think about Jane. I’ve convinced myself that I’m past my prime and I need to retire, but deep down, I know it’s because I want to go home to my wife.

The sound of the office door opening jars me from my thoughts, and I turn on my heel. The troop commander takes one look at me and shakes his head. He knows why I’m here, and he’s not happy about it.

“Okay, Southpaw. Come on in. Have a seat.”

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