Page 9 of Claiming Jane

Finally, she looks at me, and I continue. “I went out with the guys a few times and the first time after we got married, I didn’t think anything of it. A woman was flirting with me—”

Her eyes widen, and I rush the rest out. “Hear me out. A woman was flirting with me, and it didn’t feel right. I left immediately, and all I could think about was you.” I take a deep breath and let it out. “I know what you thought back there. I know you thought I cheated on you, but I didn’t. I haven’t dated anyone since we got married, Jane.” As if that’s not enough, I put it all out there. “I haven’t talked, flirted, kissed, or had sex with someone else. Our vows meant something to me that day.”

Her forehead creases. “I want to believe you…”

“But you don’t?” I ask her with surprise.

She shakes her head. “It’s been seven years, Grant. You’re telling me that you weren’t with anyone else, but you weren’t here with me either. And don’t tell me in those seven years, you couldn’t have come home. I’ve seen you once, and even that one time you came home, you ended up leaving early.”

I lean my head down and shake my head. She’s exactly right. I could have come home a hundred times and chose not to. But I couldn’t. How can I explain it to her? I owe it to her to try. “Right. You’re right, but there’s more to it. The one time I came home, I was still trying to convince myself to do the right thing. You were nineteen, Jane. I sort of forced you into this whole situation and—”

She cuts me off. “You didn’t force me into anything.”

I shrug my shoulders. “I took advantage of you. You were eighteen and didn’t have many other choices. I got you into this.”

She lifts her hand up. “You’re making it sound like I didn’t have a say in any of this. I wanted this, Grant. Even then, I knew I wanted this and even more so now. I’ve grown up these last few years, and I wouldn’t change my past… not any part of it.”

I take a deep breath, waiting for the guilt to assuage, but it doesn’t. For so long, I’ve felt the guilt of getting her into this. She’s been alone all this time when she deserved more. I know I didn’t do the right thing. I could have helped her without forcing her to marry me, but it didn’t cross my mind at the time. I have so much to make up to her.

She tilts her head to the side. “So you’re saying that when you came home, you wanted—” she stops and clears her throat as a pretty blush comes across her cheeks.

I cross my arms over my chest and stare at her. “I wanted you.”

She blinks. “And now?”

I smile and shake my head. “Oh, honey, I still want you. There’s no reason for me to deny it, but we’re practically strangers. I wish I could say I’m ready for us and our marriage, and I know I’m an ass to even ask this, but I need some time, Jane. I have some things I’m working through, and I need to get my shit together so I have something to offer you.”

She scrunches her nose up. “Something to offer me? I don’t need any ‘thing.’ I need you. That’s all.”

I put my hands on her thighs and lean toward her. “Let’s get to know each other. We skipped that in the beginning…”

She nods her head. “Okay. I think it’s a good idea.”

She opens her mouth and closes it again.

I shake my head and squeeze her legs. “If we’re going to do this, you have to talk to me. If you have something to say, say it. You can tell me anything.”

She covers my hands with hers and lifts them between us. I look at our intertwined fingers and wait for her to answer. She starts by saying, “You can tell me no.”

“I’m not going to tell you no.”

The smile on her face lets me know I said the right thing. She squeezes my hands. “Okay, so seriously, you can tell me no, and I’d completely understand. My friend has planned a welcome home party this Saturday. It’s at the park…”

She stops talking, and I know it’s because of the frown on my face. I try to soften it, but it’s no use. The idea of a party makes me want to run away. There’s no part of me that wants to mingle with people I don’t know.

Jane shakes her head. “Forget it. I’ll tell her to cancel it.”

There’s no hiding the disappointment on her face. “Jane, parties are not really my thing.”

She nods. “Okay, I completely understand. It’s no big deal. She’ll understand.”

The fact that she’s smiling at me and not pouting at the fact I told her no has me changing my mind. For her, I can do anything. “If I do this, will you stay by my side the whole time?”

Her head jerks up, and she scoots to the end of the couch. Her legs are between mine, and I squeeze them. She looks at me worriedly. “First of all, you’re probably going to be sick of me by Saturday and wish I’d give you some space. But seriously, we can do it another time.”

The fact she thinks I’m going to get tired of her has me wanting to do this for her. “It’s fine. I’ll go.”

She bites on to her lip. “There’s something else.”

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