I shrug like it’s no big deal, and I realize Ethan can’t see me. “Yeah, I sent her a text. What’s the big deal?”
“What’s the big deal?” he repeats. “Oh, I don’t know, you’re retiring from the SEALs and you sent a text to your wife to let her know. She’s the woman you’ve been in love with for the last seven years, and you thought it was a good idea to TEXT her?”
I don’t even try to deny how I feel about Jane. It would be a waste of time because Ethan would see right through it. “I just…” I start and then stop myself.
“You just what? Spit it out.”
“I’m a fool. It’s been seven years. Hell, she could be seeing someone or something. Plus, I’m not going to …” I huff out a breath and stop outside the barracks.
I’ve rendered Ethan speechless.
“Look, forget it. I’m good. How about you? How’s your mission?”
When he still doesn’t respond, I say his name again. “Ethan.”
He groans. “Please tell me you’re not going to try and be some martyr or some stupid shit like that. You’re going to start spewing crap about how you don’t deserve her and you’re saving her from you. I swear if you do, you’re a bigger dumbass than I thought. It’s obvious you love her. Don’t fuck this up, Grant.”
He knows me too well. Even though I’m dying to get home to Jane, I’m still determined to hold back. I need to have something to offer her besides the emotionally wounded walking disaster that I’ve become. So what do I do? I lie to my best friend. “I promise. I’ll give it my best shot.”
He blows out a breath. “How come I feel like you’re lying to me?”
“I will. I’ll do my best. Now can we quit talking about me? What’s up with you? Have you come clean with Kelsie, or does she still think she’s writing to Tom?”
When he doesn’t answer me right away, I continue, “I can’t believe you’re giving me a lecture about Jane when you’ve been lying to Kelsie this whole time. She’s going to find out it’s you eventually, and she’s not going to forgive you.”
“I’m not hurting her… I’m doing it to protect her.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever the reason, you’re still going to hurt her by lying to her.”
“Shit, Grant. What are we doing? Are we going to spend all day gossiping with each other or what?”
I nod at a few of the guys walking by. “You’re right. Okay, I was just calling to tell you I’m heading home. Be safe out there, brother.”
“You got it. I need to go, but I’ll be in touch. See ya, brother.”
I hang up and pocket my phone before heading inside. I’m going to grab my sack and get on the road. It will take a few days to get from California to Tennessee, but it will give me plenty of time to figure out a plan for when I get home. For seven years, since the day I met Jane, I’ve wanted to be with her. But can I take what I want if I know it’s not the best thing for her?
CHAPTER 4
JANE
It feels as if I’ve been holding my breath for the last seven years. Ever since he texted me the other day, I’ve been in a tizzy. I knew he’d talked about retiring, but I didn’t believe he’d do it. He called me an hour ago to let me know he was almost here, and I’ve played out every scenario. I’ve considered playing it cool by staying inside and hiding my emotions. I thought about leaving so he could come in and get settled on his own before I came home. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to do either of those things.
There’s no way I’ll be able to contain my emotions, and it would take a bomb to root me out of here right now. I stand on the porch and lean against the column as I wait for him to turn down our road.
When I see the headlights, I stand up straighter and stare without blinking, waiting to see if it’s Grant finally getting home.
When he slows down and pulls into the driveway, there’s no holding back.
I jump off the porch, bypassing the stairs, and run to the truck. He stops and opens the door, getting out as I get to where he’s parked.
We stand here, staring at each other, and his gaze travels the length of my body before finally stopping on my face. I’ve imagined this moment for years now and played it out in my head over and over, but I wasn’t prepared for the emotions that would hit me.
He has a few days of scruff on his chin, and he looks tired, but the fact that he’s standing in front of me instead of on the phone hits me hard. I put my hands to my face and burst into tears. Once the sobbing starts, I can’t stop it.
His hands go to my shoulders. “Jane, baby. What’s wrong? It’s okay… talk to me.”
The more Grant tries to soothe me, the harder I cry. He circles his arms around me and holds me against his body. My heart’s racing because I’ve wanted to be in his arms just like this since the day I met him. In all that time, I didn't think I’d be uncontrollably crying.