Page 51 of Go Cook Yourself

“Did you even miss me? I got the occasional text and saw your social media posts. But when you were busy shacking up with Neil, did you wonder how I was doing or how my exams might be going? Did you ever think about me?” he asks as he shoves his free hand into his hoody pocket. His face drops to the ground, and I’m selfishly relieved I don’t have to meet his penetrating stare.

“Yes, I missed you. I got busy and thought I had to make a success of my life and make Neil happy, but of course I missed you,” I stutter. It’s only since talking with Amber that I’ve realised how toxic my relationship was with Neil. He didn’t force me to go with him or say I couldn’t see my family, but there was hostility if I tried to. I’m still trying to unpack that and build my confidence. Seeing my parents tonight, and now faced with Jem’s truths, I fight unwarranted embarrassment for how easily I gave up everything for Neil. I deserve to be happy, loved, and respected. Maybe with more time, I can admit this, but not yet and not with a hostile Jem.

Another waft of cherry cuts through the cold November air. I take a breath. “I thought about you a lot and wondered how you were doing, if you were going on dates or stressing out your teachers. I thought about all of you.”

I stare into the garden, where a ginger cat prowls closer to a bird minding its own business in a tree.

“Did you know what it was like back home without you? Mum and Dad were always stressed. They used to have you to chat with and to make them laugh, but without you, they had nothing.” He drags his vape again.

My voice shakes. “They had you and Amber.”

“Amber was trying her best, but she was busy helping with the cookery school. That was how she tried to relieve their stress. But I had to pick up the pieces. There were days when they weretearing their hair out, trying to sort things you used to help with. There were a lot more arguments, too.”

“I had no idea. Amber never said any of this.”

“And they were worried about Neil because they knew he wasn’t good enough for you. They wanted you to go to culinary school or develop your cooking skills because you were meant to take over the family business, but you just left. And that put more pressure on me to do better, too. You left all of us. And if you date Garett, you’ll mess things up again.”

Jem digs the front of his trainers into the mud beneath his chair, adding, “I know I got angry in the pub, but you can’t fuck it up again. Garett is alright, I guess, but if you get into a relationship with him, it will cause problems at the cookery school. It’s the last thing Mum and Dad need, and then they’ll be on my back again.”

“Okay,” I reply in resignation. My family come first, and I can’t mess up again. I vow silently to keep my distance from Garett and remain professional when I’m at the cookery school. There’s an attraction between us that I can’t deny, but if I work on the competition on my own, then I can avoid him.

Jem is shivering. No wonder the chill is creeping through us. It will be Christmas soon, and I’ll need to decide my future. I don’t want to be in my sister’s cabin forever, especially not getting under her and Kalen’s feet while they’re trying to bring up their babies.

“Do you want to go inside?” I ask, my hand resting on his shoulder.

“I can’t. I’ve been sleeping on the sofa since I left university, so I have to wait until everyone goes to bed. It will probably be another hour yet. I’ve got a job at a local café but can’t find anywhere to rent.”

“And you can’t go back to Mum and Dad’s?”

“They don’t know I left university, and I don’t want them to yet. I want to show them I’m not a fuck-up,” he replies, shaking against the cold.

“You and me both.”

That gets a laugh out of him. I’ve missed that sound.

“Why did you leave university?”

“Because I don’t want to be a bloody accountant. I’m not good at academic stuff. I scraped through my first year and knew I’d fail my second within weeks of starting back.”

“Amber got the business brain in our family.”

“Lucky cow,” he replies grumpily, making me laugh.

“Is that the only reason you left uni?”

“It’s the only reason I’m sharing with you.”

I shrug. “That’s fair. Now, come over here. I’ll keep us both warm until you can go in,” I say, opening my arm so my baby brother can snuggle in. “And we’ll work on finding you somewhere to live, okay?”

Maybe if I win the competition, there will be enough money left over for Jem and me to get a place for both of us.

I have to win it now, but alone. That will mean more late nights trying to learn new things without Garett’s help, but it will be worth it. It has to be.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Garett

I haven’t spoken more than a hello to Ruby since she bolted from the pub last week. I’ve led a few classes, but she only stayed long enough to ensure they ran smoothly. The rest of the week, I was at the local college, showing them a range of skills. It was something Ruby organised and gave me a bit more money.

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