Page 38 of Go Cook Yourself

Something claws at my insides. When Ruby comforted her sister, it stirred up something that Clive and Flora had brought to my life, before he destroyed everything. I squeeze my hands like I’m squeezing dough. I know the feeling, but I’m scared to voice it. I can’t forget Ruby’s pale face as her sister wept, her panicked verbal diarrhoea in the van on the way to the hospital, and the need to fix everything, including entering this competition. It all bunches together to remind me that I miss having a family.

It’s stupid because I didn’t grow up with much of a family. Mine didn’t care about me, whether I was attempting my best in school or trying out hobbies. Cooking was originally an outlet and a way to keep myself fed, but my passion transformed into an obsession for success. I had to show them I wouldn’t be afailure. And then I found Clive, who was like a brother to me until he ruined my life.

A grain of want is buried in my belly, telling me to find that family. As much as I should be considering my future and moving to a kitchen I can run, the family I’ve found at Cloud makes it harder to go.

But at the end of the year, I need to leave this place if I’m ever to find the success I’ve chased all these years.

A message flashes on my screen from Kath as if she heard my thoughts.

Kath:Thank you for helping Ruby with the competition. You two make a good team.

Me:No worries. It’s nothing big.

The smile creeping onto my lips reminds me that this family thing isn’t just the school and having someone like Kath caring about me. There’s something special in Ruby, too, and with her, I’m tasting something I didn’t know I wanted.

“What are you smiling about?” My face heats as I lock eyes with Ruby. She’s all curves and curiosity as she stares at me. She’s a force of nature that’s too attractive for her own—and my own—good.

“Nothing, really. I was looking at old videos of Cookie.” The lie slips out of my mouth. I can’t tell her about my confusion about this cookery school without sharing my past, and I can’t let her in because she’ll hurt me, too. Everyone does.

She sits in the soft chair beside me and looks over my shoulder. “Show me.”

Another message appears from Kath as I fumble through the old videos on my phone.

Kath:We’re lucky to have you.

“Are you having a secret affair with Kath?” Ruby asks as I swipe the message away. “I can imagine all the women falling at your feet. You’re very good at seduction.”

I remember the kiss we nearly had. For her, it was a fuck you to her ex-boyfriend, but I’ll be thinking about it for weeks. But work is work, and after what happened with Clive, I need to be cautious. This isn’t my future.

“As you must remember from the day we met, the older ladies can’t get enough of me,” I reply as I find a good video of Cookie. It’s from his one-year birthday celebration that Flora and I gave him. He’s barrelling around Clive’s house, chasing the balloons I blew up for him. Ruby laughs as he barks and jumps at the balloons, pushing them higher. He jumps on sofas and bounces around like he’s consumed more sugar than a five-year-old with their face in a chocolate birthday cake.

Suddenly, Clive appears in the background, his face red and his body shaking. The video comes to a quick stop, but I remember vividly how he snapped at Flora and me for letting Cookie jump on his overpriced furniture. Everything was a status symbol for him. We got carried away, but Clive and I fought that day because he shouted at Cookie until the dog shook. Cookie was scared of Clive hitting him and remindinghim of his suffering at the puppy farm. Our friendship had cracks before then, but I refused to see them.

“Is everything okay?” Ruby’s hand rests on my arm as I stare at the screen, reliving parts of the past I’ve avoided. “Is it because you’re missing Cookie? I’m sure Flora would bring him around again if you ask.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I try to distract her from more questions with a smile as I shake my head. I want to tell her the truth about who Clive really is. I need to talk about him and process everything that’s happened, but I can’t ruin her passion for his competition. Instead, I do what I always do and change the subject, hoping everything will improve.

“Not right now. You’ve got enough going on. Is your sister okay?”

“Yeah. She misses Kalen. The nurse told me that the specialist is still three hours away, so they’ll keep Amber in for rest and discharge her when the specialist arrives, which might be around seven in the morning.”

I check my phone. It’s already one.

“So you head off. I’ll wait for her to be discharged and probably get us a taxi back.”

“I can stay,” I say with a shrug, even though I’m adamant I will stay and ensure they’re both okay.

I wait for an argument, but none comes.

“Okay. Thanks. You’ll have to tell Kath you’ll meet her another night so she can rock your world,” she replies with a wink. The corners of my mouth turn up. Her brand of teasing is as addictive as chocolate fudge cake.

The waiting room sofa isn’t the most comfortable, but the lack of arms means we can slide closer. I’m such an arsehole that I’m sitting in a hospital, wishing to get closer to Ruby, when hersister sleeps in a nearby hospital bed. The scent of strawberries and passion fruit has a Pied Piper effect on me.

“You can rest your head against my chest if you want,” I say, as if I couldn’t care less either way. Yep, I’m the biggest arsehole.

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