He held a hand out and waited. His whole body trembled as Liss offered him her hand. He pressed it against his chest. His heartbeat was rapid, and his body was fire even through his T-shirt.
“Fuck. I sound unhinged. I don’t know if it’s because this can only be a short-term thing or if maybe there is a connection between us due to who we are and our pasts. I spent all this time thinking there was no point searching for the thing that was missing in my life.”
“Why?”
He shook his head. “Because I was lucky enough to find Strike, Ma, and Pa. I thought that was all the luck I deserved, andI honestly thought nothing could fill the hole left by whatever I was longing for.”
“What are you saying, Bear?” Her fingers gripped his T-shirt tightly as fear filled her.
“You’re lonely.” Liss stared but didn’t answer. They both knew the answer. “I see the same loneliness in you I carry daily.”
“But you have Strike and Ma and Pa.” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“And you have your friends and your nana,” he said, making her scoff. “Okay, well, you have your friends. But don’t you still feel alone all the time? It’s like there’s this weird longing, and something is missing, and as much as you search, you can’t find it. What if you’re what I’ve been looking for?”
Liss pulled away from his chest but continued to hold his hand. She willed her limbs not to tremble from the fear of losing control. He made her feel hope, but it was false, and it would only lead to their getting hurt. Theirs was just a fling, and he knew that. “Bear, in a couple of days, I’ll—” She fought with the word “probably.” There was no room for that in this conversation. Maybe the connection she’d felt with her grandad since the party was holding her back too. He’d shown her a chance at love and acceptance, and they were family. “I’ll take the throne because my old life no longer exists. I learnt today that they’re selling the pub, my home. I’ve spent my life searching for a real home, a purpose, and a family, and now I have that opportunity. You can’t get feelings after you told me not to.”
“But you did, anyway, didn’t you?”
“We barely know each other.”
“You know more about me than anyone but the three people who’ve been in my life since I was fifteen, and I know you’ve told me things you’ve not told anyone.” Tears brimmed her eyes. She couldn’t deny it.
“I need a solid future, and we’d be a mess together. You don’t do relationships.”
He pulled back. She’d hurt him. But it was the truth.
“I know. Maybe being cooped up in this house makes me think differently. But you’re right. You have to get on with your life. I want you to get on with it and be the incredible princess I know you can be. And I have work and a relationship-free life to return to.” His laugh sounded hollow. “Look at me, Mr. No Emotion. Did I ever tell you that when I was a doorman, the police called me the nicest, nastiest bastard they’d met?” The crumb of humour was a relief.
She offered him a tentative smile as Bear brushed her lips with his. “No, you didn’t, but I believe it.”
He chuckled. “I’m going to get some air and regroup. I’ll be back soon.”
“Okay,” she replied, letting him go. It had to be the right decision. But why did it hurt so damn much?
Bear made good on his promises and returned an hour later.
He yawned wide enough to suck in the entire room as he walked through the doorway. Liss grabbed his hand as he neared her and pulled him down on the sofa beside her. He needed rest. She continued to tap away at the laptop Luke had sent her as he sat close. She searched for the invoices folder and filled in the details from the loose papers she’d spent the last hour organising.
She chuckled at one of the reports she’d finished with. In it, Strike had talked about a civi who’d caused a “cluster fuck.” After a bit of googling, she’d realise it was army slang.
“Why did Strike join the army? Was it a lifelong ambition?” Liss asked. It was a relief to be back to the every day with him.
“Not really. Strike shocked the whole family when he left to join the army weeks before he was supposed to leave for university. We thought he was happy, but he just disappeared, and he barely returned when he had leave. He shouldn’t have been able to join that easily, but Pa’s brother is high up in the forces, and Pa suspected he’d pulled strings. It was a weird time, and he never explained it.” Liss nodded as she tapped. These men had more secrets than the Pentagon. “What are you doing?”
“Sending invoices. Luke sorted out encryption software for me, and now I can send all the invoices and reports that have been hanging around for months. Promise me that you’ll sort out your processes and make this easier in the future. I’ll do what I can before Friday, but you should get someone in. You could build your business easily with the right stuff in place, but you’re wasting your time on admin,” she explained as she emailed a minor celebrity they’d taken care of in Dubai. “And you can book cheaper flights and hotels than you use.”
“How do you know all of this?”
“When you have a nana like mine, you’re used to sorting out other people’s lives. I may not be social media savvy or able to kick a ninja’s ass”—Bear side-eyed her, making her chuckle—“but I can do this in my sleep.”
“I wish I had your skills. Strike, Luke, and me are like toddlers distracted by toy dinosaurs with this stuff. Maybe we should take someone on.” Bear sat back and yawned.
Liss glanced at him from beneath her thick lashes. “You’re tired.”
“I’m blaming the emotional bomb I threw at you earlier. I’m not used to all this stuff in my head. Get in and get out, and no one gets hurt,” he added with a mirthless laugh.
Liss licked her lips as she deliberated her response. Some issues were best left alone. “We’re cool. It’s a good way to be, I guess. But I was thinking about the Steve thing. I want to speakto him if possible. Maybe I can get out of him what he was doing at the pub that day.”