Page 4 of But I'm Still Standing

“That cunt has my family, and you work for her, so I don’t give a fuck about your family. Queen Fiona? Do you think I’mfucking stupid? That’s off of Shrek you moron! And it was Princess Fiona.” I practically growl in his face before I swing and knock him on his back in the chair. I grab the knife, still in his knee, and yank it out as I pull his chair back upright and put it to his throat.

“Please, that’s all I know, I swear that’s what we call her. It’s a big joke within the organization.” He pleads as blood bubbles out of his mouth and down his chin as he continues to cry.

“Who do you report to? I’m climbing the ladder so to speak.” I smile as I start to slowly slice his neck, just slightly, he screams again, and I pull the knife back. I still need answers. The last few didn’t get to talk much.

“I’m a knight, I report to the Rook, he brokers the deals for the King. I don’t know who the new Rook or King is. I only work in New Orleans, I transport, that’s it. I swear that’s all I know.” He realizes the more he talks, the less I hurt him. He is smarter than he looks.

“Who took my wife?” My sadistic smile grows as I stab his hand piercing through to the wood of the chair arm beneath it. His screams are music to my ears. If he is a transporter, then he could have been the one who drove the SUV that took Savvy.

Once he controls his wailing again, he breathes heavily, stammering his words, “I just made it to Knight status last year. Since then, everything has been kept quiet and no one knows identities anymore. We don’t show our faces to each other so that no one can rat anyone out. Bash didn’t care about that stuff; he is the one who brought me into the business when we got drunk one night in Florida at a strip club, took a couple of girls back to his condo, and took turns teaching them how to be a pet. I got into the kinks of it all and he paid me way more than I was making slinging his dope. I’ve worked my way up.” He chuckles to himself, probably coming to the realization that he is going to die tonight. His words are muffled, and he is starting to look pale. I realize I must have hit an artery when I look at the pool of blood beneath him. Fuck, I had this one talking.

I walk over to the little branding iron I got for Savvy forValentines Day and turn it on. I watch the large metal feather light up wishing I could see her brand our bedroom furniture she was redoing. She loves working with old wood and making it something beautiful and unique, just like her.

I see Knight boy is passed out, head hanging as bloody drool steadily streams down, coating his blood-soaked white collared shirt. I press the feather to his knee, closing his bleeding wound. The stench of burned flesh fills the cave. I breathe it in as he wakes up moaning, unable to scream anymore.

“Where is the Queen? You can’t tell me who she is, then tell me where to find her!” I grip his face, his sluggish eyes barely able to open enough to look at me as I shout.

He takes in a wheezy breath, “Find Boudreaux, you’ll find the Que...” His voice is barely audible before it’s cut off completely as his head slumps down.

“Fuck!”

I punch him, over and over again, knocking the chair he is in on its side, I keep hitting and kicking him. I don’t stop until I can’t hit him anymore and I fall to my knees.

Joe bursts into the cave yelling, “Sin, you need to come see this. We finally got a clear shot of the guy who took Savvy.” He stops in his tracks at the sight of the mutilated corpse still strapped to a chair, and the amount of blood on the floor.

“Bro, you can’t keep killing everyone we bring in here before we all get to interrogate them, that was the deal. I get that you have some pent-up shit with this, but you are going to have to come back to reality. We are getting closer man. Mutilating every asshole, we bring in is not going to bring her back.”

I jump to my feet quickly, getting in Joes face, “How in the fuck should I be spending my time while I wait to hear form the fucking cunt again huh? You get answers your way, and I’ll get answers my way. I will kill every stupid son of a bitch we get that is involved with the queen. Eventually we will make it to the top. I will kill her slowly,then I’ll go back to being the man I promised my wife I would be. Until then, do your fucking job and find my wife!”

“Boudreaux, he runs the entire operation. He is the one who took Savvy. He is the one who is sending the messages, I’m sure of that now.I confirmed it with the dead guy’s cell phone. He may not have been a high up, but he was close with all the higher ups. We could have gotten more out of him. His cell will have to do.” Joe huffs, turning around and going back towards the library entrance.

I let out a breath and shake my head looking down at the floor, knowing I’m a dick.

I follow Joe, “I’m sorry man. I know you are doing everything you can to find her. I can’t promise that I won’t do that to every single person we bring in for this, but I can promise that I’ll give you first dibs from now on.” I know Joe didn’t deserve that. He is one of my oldest friends and has been killing himself trying to get Savvy back.

He stops on the stairs just as he gets to the secret door, “Go take a shower, and come eat dinner with all of us. I finally got Jill to agree to let me sleep in the bedroom again. The girls have been cooking all day, and Cami is nesting, or some shit, doctor told them yesterday that she could go into labor anytime, and she is having a home birth! They miss Savvy too, and they need to see that you are okay. You avoid them at all costs man. We all need you to be present.” Joe shakes his head, looking down.

“I know, I’m sorry man. I just have a hard time being around them. They remind me of what was taken from me.” I look up at him and shake my head. “It just hurts. I’ll go shower and come down for dinner. I’ll try.”

He nods, turns, and pushes the door open for us to go into the library. I strip down to my underwear, not to track in anything incriminating inside the house, leaving the clothes by the door. I’ll incinerate it all later, as per usual now.I remember grabbing Savvy’s bracelet that was left where she was taken out of my jeans pocket. I look at the silver charm in the shape of a heart and laugh at what isinscribed on the heart before clutching it in my hand as I head into the library.

“Give me twenty minutes and I’ll be down.” I holler back to Joe as I head down the hall to my own personal shrine for Savvy.

Her scent hits my senses as I open the door. I found her perfume and put it in the diffuser to help me keep her close. I have one of her favorite blankets on the chair next to the bed so I can wrap up in her scent when I need to. I miss her. This is the only place I can have a semblance of her and break if I need to. The scent today, after a kill, makes my dick painfully hard.

I remove my underwear and go into the shower, gripping my dick, picturing my beautiful angel on her knees for me. I turn the water on as hot as I can stand it as I continue to jerk myself off thinking only of Savvy. I lean against the cold tile picturing her taking my cock in her perfect mouth. I yank her up quickly, bringing her mouth to mine. I miss her lips so much. I remember our last time in the shower. She was so needy. I picture her legs wrapped around my waist as I push her back into the cold tile, making her gasp. I nip at her neck before capturing her lips with mine. I push into her hard and fast. I remember her gasp, the feeling of her body molded with mine, the way she tasted. I jerk my hips, pumping in and out of her as she moans my name making me come hard. I grip my dick at the image of Savvy coming with me, moaning my name, pulling me closer as her body shakes and mine comes undone.

I’m brought back to reality when the high of having her again drifts away just like she does in my dreams. I shower quickly, not allowing myself to break this time, and get dressed to go down to dinner.

Mia is placing a bowl of pasta on the table when I walk into the dining room. The guys are all standing around the large table with drinks in their hands, talking. Charlie sees me first and grabs a tumbler from the bar, filling it with whisky before handing it to me when I make my way over to them.

I take a sip as the rest of the girls enter, carrying large bowls offood, placing them on the table and taking their seats. Everyone is silent as the rest of us take our seats. I take the seat at the head of the table as I used to, while the seat to my right where Savvy would always sit, is empty. I look over at the empty seat and let out a breath.I think back to the last few encounters I had with the girls and am ashamed of how I treated them. I threw a plate with a sandwich on it that Cami brought me when she knew I hadn’t eaten all day and told her to leave me the fuck alone. I pushed Abby out of my office and smashed the glass of juice she brought me into the fireplace screaming at her in the same way I did Cami. I don’t get near Jill, that bitch is simply weird, so I try to make sure she knows I don’t like her. She manipulates Joe constantly and he always lets her. I know he loves her, but I wouldn’t want to be with Savvy if she treated me the way Jill treats him.

“Thank you all for dinner, and for putting up with me. I appreciate you all always making sure I eat something, even when I’ve been rude and acted like I didn’t appreciate it, just know I did, and I do. I forgot that you are all hurting right along with me.”

“We just want you to let us in a little. We are just trying to help, and yeah it sucks knowing Savvy is all alone somewhere dealing with being pregnant and well who knows what she is going through.” Jill says what everyone knows but doesn’t want to say. She gets a bit emotional but holds it together as she shyly looks up at me. She just gives me the creeps, so I look away quickly.

“Savvy can feel the baby kicking now, and I’m missing being the husband I promised I would be. I can’t make her favorite foods, get her midnight cravings, or rub her back or feet. I can’t watch her belly grow or do all the things we planned to do. It’s hard watching you all together when I’m missing the best part of myself. Not knowing what is happening to her is the worst. Without her I’m just a shell of a man without a soul. I’m sorry I’m not around as much. It’s just hard.” I take a long drink of liquid courage after making it through my apology. I hate that I haven’t been with Savvy throughout her pregnancy.I hate that I don’t get to see her belly grow and know how she feels every day.

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