Page 9 of But I'm Still Standing

“I have watched you for years now. I know you, Savannah.” The way he looks at me makes me feel like he thinks we are a couple or something. It’s not lustful but loving in a way.

What the fuck? He gives more away as he lifts my hand to his lips, kissing it softly then continuing to finally walk out the door and down the stairs. Did he want me to hear that earlier and that’s why he repeated it, to make sure I understood. This is a game; he has said that more than once. The Queen runs the board because she is the most powerful. How am I connected to her?

“Are you excited to get outside?” He asks, giving me a questioning look.

“Of course, I am.” I would be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to go outside. I counted six guards today. Yesterday there were nine. All dressed in suits, all carrying weapons. This place is locked down. Do they really think I’m going to take on this many people with guns while pregnant? My husband could. I smile to myself knowing he will burn this place to the ground when he finds me.

The moment he opens the huge wood double doors a cool breeze mixed with sunlight hits my face and I can’t contain my happiness. I just stand there itching to go out the door, but I wait for him to tell me it’s okay, I don’t move until he does. That’s what a man like him wants, a shadow that only does as he says, while looking like a perfect doll. I chose knee high black boots, black leggings, and a baby blue collared shirt with a black and navy-blue long cardigan. The whole outfit reminds me of an American girl doll I saw once. Figured it was fitting.

He finally moves, assessing my body language as he does, testing me. I already know all the answers, I’ve done this before, or does he not know that part? I follow him outside and can’t hold in my giggle when I’m drenched in the warmth of sunlight. I close my eyes, tilting my head up and soaking it in, letting out a breath, and taking in a long breath through my nose.God, I have missed this. The sun is almost like a power source for me. I’ve never gone this long without being able to go soak it up.

“Where my window is, I never get full on sun, this is amazing, thank you.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I shouldn’t have kept you inside for so long. As long as it doesn’t get too chilly, we can do this every day.” He looks down at me, and I notice a freckle next to his right eye that I hadn’t before. It’s lighter than… Christians… Same dark curly hair, slightly similar features. The eyes threw me off, but I’d bet when I meet the Queen, his mother, she has the same eyes. Sins dad has lighter eyes than him. It can’t be. She is dead. He has to be a cousin or something. Christian never talked about other relatives besides his dad and his uncle in Georgia.

I gather my thoughts attempting to not let it show on my face, “That would be amazing,” I smile, but I can’t seem to make it genuine. Not when I think I just figured out who the Queen is.

A car pulls up just as we start walking towards the back of the house. Max stops and smiles, turning us around towards the cute AudiR8. The windows are blacked out so I can’t see who is in the car, but I can hear Taylor Swift singing, “Red,” the base is thumping, making me smile to just hear a familiar song.

“Would you like to meet a piece of the puzzle, sweetheart? Max smiles down at me, but it’s a mischievous looking smile. Not sadistic, but almost boyish.

“Do I really have a choice?” I ask, not knowing if I should want to meet this person or not.

“No, but I like to hear what you come up with for answers.” He chuckles.

I hear the car door open and look up as Max pulls me towards the car. I see long black hair pop out of the car and a girl bouncing over towards us. She is a little shorter than me and looks like a teenager. When we get closer. She removes her big black sunglasses and I stop dead in my tracks. My jaw drops when our eyes meet. It’s almost like seeing myself as a teenager. Max stops when I freeze like a statue, realizing I’m stunned.

“Come on, don’t you want to meet your niece? MJ, this is your Auntie Savannah. Savannah, this is your niece Magnolia June. Come along with us to the barn, Fiona should be joining us shortly.

Chapter 6

Savvy

25 Weeks

Ihave spent the last few days getting to know the next best thing to my sister, Charlotte, her daughter. MJ reminds me so much of myself when I was close to her age. When Bash was my entire life. She is much worse than I ever thought I could be when it comes to being submissive.

I’ve also been spending a little time with Fiona. She graced our presence at the stables shortly after I met MJ. If Max or Fiona bark orders of any kind towards her, she snaps to it, no questions asked. She is like a robot around them. She has opened up to me when no one else is around about what is expected of her and why.

We spend a ton of time eating junk and watching The Originals. She has already watched The Vampire Diaries and loved it, but she doesn’t get to watch much TV, so when she is with me, that’s what she wants to do. It’s been a fun distraction from being stuck here.

I hear my door open without a knock and know it’s Max, here to let me out of my cell for the day. I know it’s a beautiful room, but when you can’t escape it, it’s a cell, only a nice one. I stand up from the little desk and cast my eyes down with my hands clasped down in front of me. He seems to prefer me this way most of the time.

“Sweetheart, you straightened your hair. It’s getting a little long, I’ll have MJ call her stylist to come do your hair tomorrow. You looktoo much like Lottie with it like this. Go fix it.” He orders, showing his distaste for my hair with his scrunched-up face. I turn on my heel without saying a word or looking at him and head back into the bathroom. I was curious if he was another man in love with a woman he couldn’t have. Does Lottie haunt him in the same way she did Bash? The way I know she still haunts my husband?

I ponder my thoughts while I flip my hair over the tub and wet it back down to make it curly again. Was it worth an hour of straightening my hair to get proof that he felt some type of way about her? It’s not like I have anything else to do, so yeah.

I wonder sometimes if I would have liked Lottie. I still don’t know. I mean, she was my sister, and even though I never got to meet her, I feel like I was getting to know her through her journals, even though they were as cryptic as her life apparently was. How many men fell for her to the point they went nuts trying to find any semblance of her in anyone else. Did she have a golden pussy? I’m realizing I may never know how she had the hold on men the way she did. I only care about one man though. His is the only opinion that matters to me.

I have to pretend to be with Max. Did Lottie have to pretend with all the men in her life or did she truly love any of them? I read in one journal about how much she loved Bash, but there was also one saying how much she loved Sin. I wonder if I looked at the ones from her teen years if there would be one for Max. The way she loved one was not the way she loved the other. Bash was her first. She loved him because of that I think, just like I did. There is something about your first that just sticks with you. No matter how hard you try, you are never completely free of their memory.

I squeeze the excess water from my hair and grab a towel to dry it some. He won’t let me go outside if it’s wet, so I grab the blow dryer and diffuser after brushing and adding some product in to keep it from frizzing out. Once I’m satisfied it’s dry enough to get by, I clip my sides back to tame it the best I can. I know if I don’t hurry, he will be upset I’m wasting his precious time. I sigh at how I look in themirror. The dark circles mixed with the complacent look in my eyes lets me know I’m slipping away. Will I be able to find myself again when this is all over? If I’m still around that is. I have to believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That Sin will find me, and this will all be over soon. I can’t give up.

I shake my head at my thoughts when I feel tears well up. Come on Savvy, you can do this. Be his good girl and keep him happy. You just have to keep it up until Sin finds you. I straighten my shoulders as I head back into the bedroom. Max looks up as I enter the bedroom and I see his eyes light up. I feel his eyes go up and down my body before landing on mine, realizing I’m looking at him.

“There’s my girl.” He smiles as he gets up from his chair at the little dining table and extends his hand as he always does. I take it as I let out a breath at the fact that I had just got to witness Max go from Mr. Hyde to Dr. Jekyll. He kisses my forehead and ushers me out of the room, holding me tight to his side today. Every day he gets more affectionate with his arm around my back and waist when he pulls me in closer and closer every time. I try to stay relaxed as if it doesn’t bother me, but I can’t help but tense up today.

“Fiona would like to see you this afternoon, she is having a new chef come in from NOLA that she thinks you will like much better.” He says as he places his free hand on my belly. Another thing he has been doing incessantly, touching my stomach. It’s annoying that he is trying to do things that I know Sin would be doing. Sometimes I pretend he is Sin just to get through the day. I know it’s wrong, but it keeps me from ripping his throat out with my bare hands. I know he is the bad guy here. I wonder if he truly believes he isn’t just because he is keeping me healthy. I haven’t figured out his end game yet, but I will, eventually.

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