Page 41 of But I'm Still Standing

“Honestly, if I do it again, I will have drugs!” Cami laughs as she takes my hand, “You have got this, drugs or not, you can do it, I promise!” My best friend hugs me as Sin grumbles, “Can we go now? Jasper already has the car ready, and everyone is following in the car with Charlie. Cami, take this so I can carry Savvy to the car!” He looks like he is about to pass out.

“Cami, get him some food on our way out, he hasn’t eaten since yesterday and I don’t need him falling out on me!” I holler back at her as he whisks me up in his arms and starts out the door.

“I’m fine, angel, we just need to get you to the hospital, Cowan is already there waiting for us.” Sin kisses my temple as another contraction comes on. I try to breathe, but this one is stronger than the last. They just keep coming harder and harder. Sin rushes outside to the car, setting me in the back passenger side bucket seat then closing the door and running to the opposite side and getting in,taking my hand as he sits in the other bucket seat as the SUV takes off.

I feel pressure and scream as one contraction ends and another begins before I can catch my breath. My legs come up and I can’t help the feeling to push.

“Sin! I think he is coming now!” I yell through the pain as he helps me into the middle of the car on the floorboard. I push my leggings down and Sin pulls them off along with my flats. I lay back with my legs bent up, holding onto them as I push. I feel an obscene amount of pressure and burning.

“Jasper, move your ass!” Sin yells back into the cab of the SUV before turning back to me.

“I see his head, angel, keep going, you can do this!” Sin lets a tear fall as my contraction stops and I take a breath in, as another begins and I bare down with everything I have, yelling as I do! The pressure all stops. The relief finally hits me as Sin holds up our baby boy. My vision gets blurry, and they fade away just as I reach out for them when I hear my sons first cry, and everything goes black.

SIN

I hold our son up as tears fall from my eyes showing Savvy how good she did. She reaches out for him, but her arms fall to her sides as her eyes close. She looks so pale. I look down and see the blood pouring out of her. I wrap the baby in her leggings and set him next to Savvy.

“Come on, angel, we are almost there!” I cry out to her hoping she can hear me.

The car comes to a screeching halt and the passenger side door is flung open. I move behind Savvy as Cowan climbs in.

“Jesus Christ, what the hell happened?”

“I didn’t cut the cord, she just delivered him and passed out! Help her! Please!” I yell out, while I place Elijah on Savvy’s chest,and we haul her lifeless body out of the SUV, placing them on a gurney.

“Go get cleaned up! I’ll come and get you when they are stable!” Cowan shouts as he runs into the hospital with the gurney carrying my entire life on it for the second time.

Jasper comes around the SUV pulling me out of my shock, “Come on, I’ll park the SUV, you go to the bathroom and get cleaned up before everyone else gets here and sees you.”

“I can’t lose her Jasper, not now, she is finally happy again!”

Jasper puts his hand on my shoulder, “She is going to make it and you will get to drive her crazy until you are both old and gray, have some faith brother, it will all work out.” I nod and he moves back to the car. I will my legs to move my body into the hospital and head straight to the bathroom. Once again, I’m covered in my wife’s blood and there is nothing I can do to help save her.

I turn the water on and put my hands under the faucet. I watch as the swirls of red turn to pink and then clear again. Washed away, just like that. I take my black t-shirt off and put it under the water, watching as the red fades again. I ring it out and use it to wipe the blood away from my chest.

“Here, luckily Cami put these in the SUV. Your bag had extra clothes; we can bring you more later.” Jasper hands me my bag and I notice the diaper bag along with Savvy’s overnight bag on his arms.

“I’m a dad! Savvy delivered our baby in a fucking SUV! This is not how we had all of this planned!” I let go and talk to my best friend.

“Yeah, man, she did! I think she busted my right ear drum in the process, but worth it!” He gives me a soft chuckle. “She is going to be okay man; Cowan is the best!” I nod, agreeing with him, knowing I have to stay positive.

I change my clothes and toss the other ones in the trash on the way out of the bathroom. Jasper stands with our friends in the middle of the hospital lobby. They all are in tears, not knowing if Savvy is okay or not! I’m sure Jasperfilled them in.

“Let’s all go up to labor and delivery and see my son while we wait for Savvy.” I turn and move towards the elevator trying to hold back my own tears, not knowing what is happening to my wife right now. The ding sounds and the light over the elevator in the middle lights up as the doors open and a disheveled Dr. Cowan comes out facing us with his head down looking at his phone.

“Tell me she is okay Cowan!” I yell, startling the young man, making him jerk his head up, morphing his face into a sympathetic smile.

“Sin, she lost a lot of blood, but we were able to stop the bleeding and she is stable. She is receiving two units of blood and resting comfortably. I was also able to repair the tear in her uterus. Your son is perfect weighing in at seven pounds and four ounces and a whopping twenty-three inches long. He is getting bathed as we speak. The nurses were all fighting over who got to bathe him and play with his head full of black curly hair. Want to go help with his first bath?” He asks, like I haven’t been going crazy not knowing. I take in a breath and let it out along with all the emotion that has been built up this morning! My friends give me a minute to catch my breath, now that the fear has been relieved.

Cami shoves a Snickers in my face, “Eat, now I know you won’t throw it up.” She chastises with a smirk, knowing I wouldn’t have held anything down had I eaten before now.

We all take the next elevator up to the maternity floor. I check on Savvy while everyone else goes to the nursery. I open the door that Cowan directs me to and quietly go in. Savvy lays in the hospital bed as tubes deliver what she needs to her veins. I watch her chest rise and fall as she sleeps and duck back out of the room quietly, not to wake her up. I stop and thank God for saving her and my son.

When I make it to the nursery, the nurse already has him swaddled and is holding him up to the window for all of our friends to see. Cowan opens the security door and allows me in to see my son. The nurse hands him over to me and slaps a bracelet on my wrist, “This is the only way you get to see your baby or move about withhim dad, keep it on until they both get released.” She says smiling at my baby.

I look down at my son, “Elijah Kohl Devereaux, you thankfully look like your mommy.” I tell him as I kiss his tiny forehead. He is the smallest thing I have ever seen, yet I love him more than anything in this world. I make a vow in this moment to raise him to be a good man. A better man than me.

Epilogue

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