Page 27 of But I'm Still Standing

Savvy woke me up in the best way this morning, letting me hold her. She was able to open up and tell me the awful things that Max did to her, what Vivian was like, and what she thinks will still trigger her for now. She didn’t go into specifics on a lot of things, but she let me know what demons she needs chased away. I lay here in bed still at ten a.m. with her in my arms as I gently rub her stomach as she snores lightly.

Kohl is kicking up a storm and I can’t believe it’s not waking Savvy up. I can’t help but chuckle lightly, at how no matter where I put my hand on her very large belly, he kicks it. I have missed so much of this, and I have been dying to just touch her again to feel what we made. I have already made her swear that for the rest of this pregnancy I’m allowed to touch her belly whenever I want as long as I tell her it’s coming.

“Christian, he is going to continue to kick no matter where you put your hand, he has missed you, keep it in one place for a bit.” She groans as her long black lashes part for me to look into her gorgeous blue eyes. Her smile reaches them for the first time since she has been home.

“Sorry, I’m so in love with your bump, I just can’t stop.” I lean down kissing her forehead. She stills and lets out her breath.

“Do that again.” She says softly. I lean my head down and softly place my lips on her forehead, I move down to her nose and kiss it gently, then do the same to her perfect lips. Her lips part as she softly pushes her tongue between mine. I groan as she licks my upper lip as all the blood from my brain goes straight to my dick. I take a deep breath as I part my lips from hers, regretting my actions the moment she sighs.

“You aren’t ready. I’m not going to push you, but you also have to help me to not let you push yourself too far. I would never forgive myself if I hurt you, physically, or emotionally. We have the rest of our lives together. I just want to help you get back to yourself again, however long it takes, angel.” Fuck, I want her so bad, but I know she isn’t ready. I won’t be a trigger for my wife. I love her too much to do that to her.

“Christian, I know. It doesn’t mean that the want isn’t still there. I wanted you every day I was gone. I thought of you on your birthday, or at least I think it was your birthday. I wish I had my journal; I think it would help us both. I wasn’t tormented until the end of my stay there. I mean I wasn’t exactly having the vacation of a lifetime, but it wasn’t what it ended up being. All I thought about was how to get back to you. MJ helped us both. She was the one bit of light I had, along with the music you added to my playlist. I want you to know that it kept me going when I thought I had already given up. I knew you were coming; I just wasn’t sure if it would be in time.” Her voice cracks as a tear slides down her cheek.

“What were they planning once you gave birth? You told me about the gyno bitch, but did they tell you what they were planning to do with you and the baby?” I finally ask since she is letting out more and more.

“Max told me that I was to be his covenant. He would rant on and on when he drank too much about how you and Bash didn’t deserve me or Lottie. I think he loved her. He wanted Lottie, but I was supposed to be his consolation prize, since Lottie was already promised to Bash. She knew about the Saints; she wanted out of thatlife. We should find her diaries from when she had MJ. There is more to the two of them than anyone really knows. I don’t think Lottie was who anyone thought she was. Unfortunately, Sylvia and Vivian had more to do with that than I would like to admit. Bash didn’t kill her. Mark did. I overheard Max when he thought I was passed out saying how he wouldn’t let them kill me the way they did Lottie. He wouldn’t let his mother hurt me the way she did his perfect pet. I honestly don’t know what they had planned for me. I just know that their plans weren’t aligned. I came between Max and his mother, and the queen didn’t like it one bit.” Savvy let’s out more of her demons. She is so strong to remember all the details. I can’t imagine what she went through, but I know when we find Max, he will get not only my wrath, but my angels as well. He is all hers, she made me promise. I will honor her wishes to end his life how and when she sees fit.

“I have all the diaries we could find in our library. When I realized Lottie had MJ, I had them all brought from Sylvias, and our attic. I didn’t get much further than you and I had the last time we read them. It didn’t feel right reading them without you. I knew you would want them, so I just put them all in the library for when you were ready to read them again.” I hear Savvy’s stomach growl and I decide enough pillow talk for now.

“What time will Rosie be here? I’m starving and want to shower and eat before they get here.” Savvy replies almost as if she was reading my mind.

“Noon, it’s about ten-thirty now. Want to take a shower with me before we go make some lunch?” I ask, hoping she will let me try to wash it all away.

“I miss our showers. Have I ever told you that I thought our showers were more intimate than having sex?” She grins at me.

“No, I don’t think you ever have. I feel the same way though. The way you let me wash your hair and your body and how I feel when you wash me. It’s just another way we show our love angel. It should be intimate whether we have sex or not. I’m not expecting sex by the way.” I kiss her forehead and help her up on the side of the bed.

“I’ll go get the water ready.” I reluctantly leave her there, not knowing what to do. I don’t want this morning to end. I feel like she is finally coming back to me. I smile as I turn all the shower heads on, adjusting the knobs until the water is where I know she likes it. I just want her to be okay again. I want to see her have a bounce in her step and get excited about something. Since she has been back, she has been quiet and sullen, not really talking to anyone besides MJ. I get it, she was her only peace in that hell hole. She plays with the baby from time to time, but most of the time she sits in the library. It was always her favorite place in the house, but now I know it is her torment, knowing who is down in the caves. Is she really ready to face them though?

“Ready?” Savvy asks, looking down when I turn to her.

“It’s just the way you like it. Do you want me to just let you shower? I understand…” I’m cut off by savvy putting her finger up to my lips to shush me, shaking her head as she looks in my eyes. I see the twinkle of a spark in them as she wrestles with what she wants to say.

“I want to take a shower with my husband. I want you to wash it all away and show me I’m yours. It’s what I need. I need my Sin to bring me back to life again.” She gives me a soft smile and I understand what she is asking.

I nod and she drops her finger from my lips, placing her hand on my chest.

“I told you, angel, I will always be your Sin and bring you back to life, however you need me to. It was in my vows, and I meant every word.”

I help her out of her new plaid pajamas, and into the shower. She immediately moves under the rain shower head, standing under it. She closes her eyes, leaning her head back, and lifting her hands to her hair, pushing it back out of her face. She looks like a goddess under the water, even with the fading bruises, and I can’t help my dick standing at attention for his queen.

“I see the want is still there for you to then.” Savvy smirks at me,moving out from under the rain showerhead and over to the jetted showerhead I’m currently under looking up at me expectantly. Fuck she is killing me.

“Angel, I always want you, that will never go away.” I grab her new shampoo and pour some in my hand. The smell of lavender fills the space when I start lathering her hair the way she likes as I massage her scalp.

“Oh my God I have missed this. It feels so good.” She practically moans.

“I have missed this too.” I smile as I grab the pull-down shower head and start to rinse her hair. She leans up on her toes and places a sweet kiss on my lips. I have to lean down a bit to help her out, and I only give her a soft kiss and pull back before I am unable to make myself stop. I finish her hair with her conditioner and twist it up in her new black claw clip that replaced the white one. I grab her new purple loofah and add the new vanilla coconut body wash she ordered and slowly wash every inch of her body. When I reach between her legs, her breath hitches, and I freeze.

“Don’t stop, I’m fine. Please!” She urges me to continue in only a whisper. I continue, slowly washing her. Her breathing picks up and her hips push into the loofah. I realize that I can give her what she wants without touching her. I drop the loofah and grab the pull-down showerhead again, washing the soap off, moving it down her body to her pussy. She moans as I turn it to the jet setting.

“Move back to the wall and relax, angel. I’ll give you what you need.” She does as I tell her but grabs the shower head from me.

“I’ll take care of myself if you will too. You watch me get off, while I watch you get yourself off.” She moves the showerhead down to her pussy again and uses her other hand to slowly tease herself. She slowly starts fingering herself as she faces the shower head directly at her clit.

I stroke my dick faster and faster as she moans while she watches me. She has lust in her eyes, as they watch me intently, and I want nothing more than to bend her over where she is and fuck her senseless.I watch her as she gets close to orgasming. “Sin” She moans, and I feel my balls tighten as her eyes meet mine again. “Sin! Oh God, I’m coming, I’m coming.” She cries out as she finds her release. I come hard as I watch her body start to tremble. She drops the showerhead, placing her hands on my chest, to steady herself. Just her touch keeps my orgasm going. When I finally stroke out the last bit of cum, my body trembles under her hands. I brace myself placing both hands above Savvy on the cool tile.

“Better?” I ask breathlessly.

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