Page 26 of But I'm Still Standing

Mia rushes back into the kitchen squealing, “Ewe, ewe, ewe. I now have images of a very naked Jasper in my head. Abby will be down in a bit.” She bursts out laughing. “What are we making?” We are all three still snickering when I hear Taylor Swifts voice as the beat of, “Shake It Off,” bounces off the walls.

“Figured we needed music if we are gonna do this right!” Abby comes in dancing around the large island.

I always dance when Taylor Swift comes on. I have some fun with it and shake my ass the best I can as we all start making breakfast.

“Do y’all remember the first time we did this back in Oklahoma at the cabin? Red bull and cherry vodka kept us all up until four a.m. We made a smorgasbord of food for breakfast, and we all fell asleep before we ate any of it. The guys woke up and ate most of it before we woke up at noon.” Cami gets us all laughing again as she hands me a cup of coffee, “I think this one will be a hit when we open the bookstore. We have been coming up with all kinds of things so that we at least have the menu when you are ready to open.”

I hadn’t even thought about the bookstore since I’ve been gone. We had just found the perfect space and Cami and I bought it. That’s as far as we got.

“Has Sin had people working on it? We hadn’t even picked the colors yet. He definitely didn’t touch Kohls room.” I chuckle slightly trying to imagine Sin picking out things for a baby’s room.

“Sin was too busy torturing and killing everyone they brought in trying to get information on where to find you.” Abby chimes in smirking.

“Yeah, he was a little crazier than usual while you were gone. He did have people working in the bookstore though. They finished all the bookshelves last week. He went with your two favorite colors. Black, and emerald green. It looks beautiful so far. Well, we have only seen pictures because we aren’t allowed to leave. He has had the contractor contact us to tell him what to do. I hope that was okay.” Cami replies, giving me a sorry expression.

“No, it’s great! I just hadn’t thought about it. We do need to start Kohls room though. I’m not ready to deal with our store yet.” I take a sip of my coffee and moan, “Cami! This is the best cup of coffee I have had in forever! I know, I can only have one cup.” I roll my eyes and stop, realizing what I just said.

“What do you mean you can only have one cup? When have you ever only had one cup?” Mia asks, looking shocked at my words.

I guess now is as good of time as any to start the conversation, “I was only allowed one cup of coffee a day and it was awful. I was only allowed so much sugar too, and they never got it right. I guess it’s going to take some time to get out of the routines I became used to. I woke to the exact same shit every day and thought it was bad until it actually got really bad. Luckily, Sin found me before it got any worse. I know I haven’t been myself since I’ve been back. I promise I’m not trying to shut you all out. I think I just needed to process that I’m actually home and I can do as I please again. They didn’t starve me or anything, quite the opposite actually. I was treated very well, until the game changed. Then I became his pet.”

“Savvy, you don’t have to explain anything to us. We are here for you no matter what. You went through hell and made it back. Be proud of that. When you are ready, we will be here to help you through it. We are just happy to have you back home.” Abby replies first.

“No, Abby, I’m ready. I need to let the darkness out to make room for the light. I just need my friends.” I try to explain what I’m feeling.

“How about we finish making everything while Savvy sits at the bar enjoying as many cups of coffee as she wants.Have a seat, I almost have your ham egg and cheese croissant ready.” Cami suggests.

My feet do hurt, why not, it might make it easier to get it all out. I go around the island and have a sit in one of the comfy plush barstools.

“I don’t know where to start.” I say as I stare down into my coffee cup.

“Start from day one and work your way up till now. Just tell us what you need to get out Sav.” Mia replies as she places a bowl of strawberries and purple grapes in front of me, then takes a grape and pops it in her mouth.

“Hot Mess,” by Zoe Clark fills the space and I laugh, “Well perfect timing.”

I started with day one, explaining how I woke up and kicked Max’s ass, and what happened from there. I spilled everything, finishing with when Sin found me, and I shot him by accident! I didn’t expect to tell them everything, but once I started, it just kept spewing out. I explained why it’s so important for us to protect MJ, and why she is the way she is with all the poor girl has been through since birth. She has never had a chance to just be who she wants to be or given the choice. I explained my suspicions about Lottie, Max, and how I have been feeling with Sin.

The girls listened to all the things I went through. They didn’t judge, just let me get it out. They told me more about what they have all been going through. About Sin and his crazy torture methods. I can’t believe he used moths! Kinda impressed he remembered that one. I had told him if I ever tortured anyone again, that it would be my method of choice. I smile at the memory.

Once we were all stuffed, had cried all we could, and felt like we had gotten every emotion out, I felt better! Sin still hasn’t touched me, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for him to, but I know I’m ready to be held.

I get back to our room and watch Sin sleep for a minute. He looks so peaceful and content. The sheet is only pulled up to his waist andhis arms lay above his head, showing off his perfect chiseled body. I hesitate, but I push myself to climb into the bed, and get close to Christian. My breath hitches as his arms come down around me, pulling me closer to him as he buries his face in my hair, mumbling, “angel.”

I wrap my arm around him and let out a breath, as I snuggle into his chest, then inhale him, letting his scent wash over me and drown out anything bad that has ever happened to me. I’ve missed him so much. Tears well up at the fact that I’m home and safe in his arms again. Every time anyone touches me, I flinch, I can’t help it. It’s nice to finally feel relaxed being touched.

I pull away a little to look up at the one face that kept me going.

“Christian.” I whisper.

“I’m here, angel.” He says as he pulls me closer. I pull back to look at the man who holds my heart. I lean in, softly placing my lips on his. He stills, then softly kisses me back as his hands come up to my face, cupping it gently. I deepen the kiss, feeling brave. I’ve missed him so much; I can’t help the little moan that escapes. Christian pulls back, still cupping my face, looking into my eyes.

“Sin, I’m ready to talk and I’m ready to start dealing with what’s in the caves. I’m going to need some things first though, and this time, I want you by my side while I slay my demons.” I can tell by how his eyes go wide at what I said that he is surprised, but his wicked smile lets me know that he is ready for whatever I’m going to throw at him.

Chapter 16

Sin

29 weeks

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