Page 85 of Oh, Flutz!

But I can’t even think about that, either, because ever since yesterday it’s like I’ve been walking underwater. Because it doesn’t even matter that this event is being broadcasted back home. They’re all here.

Half my old teammates have somehow managed to get on one or both of the same Prix assignments as us—every top-level skater gets two, aside from the Final if they end up getting enough points to get invited. Meaning Vanya, Anna, and Polina are all in the building right now, accompanied by Mikhail and Tatyana.

It shouldn’t have come as such a surprise when I saw them in the hotel lobby after dinner last night. Honestly, it was so stupid. Ofcoursethey’re here; it’s not as if everyone else’s world changed when mine did. But my stomach still dropped to the floor. I was frozen. All I could do was stare blankly at all of them laughing and talking away in their Team Russia jackets, as if I’d never even been there at all.

But it doesn’t matter. Really. I’m not going up against them, so maybe things can be different. I need to stop being so damn sensitive. After all, in the end, what they did to me was just business, it wasn’t personal. Otherwise Tatyana would have let me stay. Sure, only Misha, Anna and Vanya have answered my texts in the last six months, and only sporadically, but maybe if I can justtalkto them—

“Katya!”

I snap my head up. “Sorry?”

Lian is squinting at me. “Where have you been? You didn’t hear any of that, did you?”

I can feel my face burning. Get it together, Ekaterina.“No. I’m sorry. I was distracted.”

“Well, good, get it out of your system, because from this moment on, there is zero room for anything in your head other than your program. There’s one more team left after this one before you two go on, so prepare yourselves.”

I can feel Bryan glance over at me oddly, clearly suspicious of my zoning out but not saying anything. Not yet, at least.

He always notices everything. He always looks out for everyone else’s moods; it’s one of the things I’ve always found bizarre about him. I guess I’m not a good enough person to understand how someone can be constantly undervalued and overlooked and still continue to care about everyone else’s feelings, even if those people haven’t given a shit about his.

Including me. I’m self-aware enough to know that, at least.

There’s times when you wonder if anything you do ever really matters in the long run. Even though half of my brain is still running overdrive plotting how we’re going to win this thing, I’m still dizzy with that indescribable homesick feeling, that longing for back when you still felt you had a place in this world. A purpose. A reason to keep on going. It doesn’t even really matter, but I just wish it didn’t make me question so much about my life, everything I’ve done. About myself. Because, really, once you take away the titles and the medals—what else is there?

Just a girl. A girl with no home. Nothing more.

I like to tell myself I’m used to it.

“Are you ready for this?” Bryan asks me, and I clear my throat.

“We have to be.”

“Yes! Yes, oh my god!” Bryan yells, crushing me with a hug that cuts off my air supply for a second until he frees me and does the same to our coaches.

“That’s a new personal best,” I say, feeling a smile start to spread, and Lian nods, raising an eyebrow.

“And it’s going to keep getting better.”

“I can’t believe this, we just won a Prix title,” Bryan says, eyes wide. “We did it. We actually did it!”

“Okay, breathe, it’s only bronze,” I say, but even I can’t resist his smile. “We still have much work to do.”

“Oh, shut up, Andreyeva,” Bryan says, leaning in and kissing my cheek. “You are such a freaking buzzkill.”

“I ampractical.”I’m also trying not to be idiotically giddy at the fact that he doesn’t seem to be angry with me anymore, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“And I am going to sleep,” Lian announces, and we all laugh, filing out of the waiting room towards the exit.

“Enjoy your nap,” Juliet says, before turning to us with a mischievous look. “As for the rest of us, I think it’s time to celebrate.”

“You got booze?” Bryan says hopefully, and Juliet laughs.

“It’s called room service, honey. Come on, let’s go.”

My partner turns to me. “I love having adult friends.”

“You’re almost twenty-one,” I point out, and he blanches.

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