Page 65 of Oh, Flutz!

“Nothing,” he croaks out. “Absolutely nothing.”

Chapter Nineteen

BRYAN

Our practice has ended,but somehow I’ve managed to avoid talking to Katya ever since I ran out of the hotel yesterday.

I sure don’t want to start now. Not when my nerves are already shot to hell. It doesn’t work for long, though—as we get off the ice, she grabs my arm before I can disappear again. “Where have you been? Why have you been avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you.” Even as I say it, I know she’s right. I am avoiding her. I’m avoiding her like I’ve been trying for five years to avoid what happened yesterday—avoiding myself. Because if I don’t have to talk about it, I don’t have to admit it. Not just that I failed at the one thing I ever wanted, but that I came so close. That my wings melted right as I had it within reach. And, still more , that I could’ve stopped it if I hadn’t been such a coward.

Sure enough, Katya’s not letting me off the hook that easy. “Yes, you are. And you need to stop it. You haven’t even said a word to me.” She pauses, glancing back up at me. I’m bracing myself for having to explain myself, but then she just says, “I’m scared too.”

What?

“You aren’t the only one with something to prove, remember?” She half-laughs. “They think we’re going to destroy each other, and not the competition.” She looks at me intently. “I say we don’t give them the satisfaction.”

Somehow, just like she knows the exact ways to get my blood boiling, she knows just how to talk me down. I exhale deeply, then nod. “Okay.”

Katya almost smiles again. “Good.”

We're back in ourskates, back rinkside, jackets zipped up over our costumes and sitting in sixth after the short program.

That pep talk wore off pretty quickly once we actually got on warmup ice with some of the best pairs in the world, ones who have been skating together for years, who actually know what they’re doing.

I can’t speak for Katya, but I, personally, am about to shit my pants.

“Andreyeva, please tell me you’re freaking out under that icy cold exterior of yours,” I say under my breath, careful to keep my volume and body language in check so none of the press crews catch on.

Katya flicks her thickly-lined grey eyes over at me, the darkness of the makeup making said eyes look almost silver. Naturally, she’s playing Odile, the Black Swan. I’m over here as the prince in a gold-embroidered white jacket and pants that are borderline giving me a wedgie, silently praying that the material’s thicker than it feels, because I’m definitely getting the panic sweats right now.

“For your information, I’m trying not to think,” she hisses back, and I groan.

“Whywould you tell me that?” I instinctively raise a hand to push through my hair, before realizing it’s covered in gel. “Now both of us are going to be shaking in our skates.”

“I’ll get over it,” she says between clenched teeth.Uh oh.

“Uh…” I’m trying to wrack my brain for any clue on how to make her not worried, how she did for me earlier. I mean, that’s what partners are for, right? I can at least show her that I’m here. Is she scared I’m going to drop her?

“Listen, sunshine, you know I’ve got you, right?” I say quietly. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

She sighs. “It’s not that. I’m just—I’m never nervous on competition day, and now I am, and I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel completely out of control.”

I almost burst out laughing. “Katya, if this is you out of control, I think you’re gonna be fine.”

“I hate it,” she mutters.

I get what she means. When I was younger, even after I got onto my , I was a total wreck before every skate. I’d be vomiting, shaking uncontrollably, to the point that Lee and I went to see this really cool sports psychiatrist she knows, who helped me a lot with it. Don’t get me wrong, right now is proof that I’m far from the most chill competitor out there, but between the breathing exercises and the Adderall, things are much improved. Today’s just different.

I take her hand, squeezing it twice. “Listen, it’s normal to be nervous. This is new for both of us. I’m pretty terrified right now, and I don’t know what’s going to happen out there, but what I do know is that we’ve worked our asses off this year. We can do this. It might not be what we want, but it’ll be something.”

She shakes her head, but I can tell she feels better. “Alright,mudak. Let’s go kill them.”

“Don’t you mean killit?”

“I know what I said.”

“From the United States of America,” the announcer calls out, “Ekaterina Andreyeva and Bryan Young!”

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