Page 24 of Big Rowdy Cowboy

Tears prick at the back of my eyes. I think about calling my parents earlier today and getting their voicemail. “Your family is wonderful. They’re so loving and close. I didn’t know that families were supposed to be so warm until I met yours.”

“You don’t have that,” he says, understanding in his tone.

“My parents weren’t exactly thrilled to have a kid. It’s not something that was said in so many words, but they never cared much for me.”

He reaches out and takes my hand, running his thumb along the back of it. “Tell me.”

“They’re wealthy. Like crazy wealthy, but they never wanted kids. Then there I was, ruining their lives by being born.”

“And they always resented you,” Zac sums up.

I nod, relieved that he seems to understand. “I’ve never talked a lot about my parents to anyone. I thought it would sound ungrateful.”

Zac makes a noise of outrage. “It’s not ungrateful to want to be loved.”

“That’s how they made it seem. I’ve spent my life trying to be small enough to please them. Then it was quiet enough, and now I’m aiming for accomplished enough.”

Zac presses his lips to the back of my hand. “You are enough. You’re worthy of being loved just how you are. If you’ll give me the chance, I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure you know how very special you are.”

I sniff and look away. The moment is too much for me. There are too many feelings in my heart. The sadness and grief over not having my parents’ love, the giddiness over how Zac treats me, and the fear that one day, he’ll grow tired of me.

The theme for the movie starts and interrupts our quiet moment. Fortunately, Zac accepts that I don’t want to talk about this anymore.

He opens an oversized chocolate bar and offers me half.

I nibble on the edge. “I struggle with an eating disorder.”

I don’t want any secrets between me and Zac. He’s already been supportive of me about my parents, and I want him to know everything about me. Even if it’s scary to be vulnerable and open with another person, I want to try being brave.

He freezes as soon as I say that. “Was the chocolate a bad idea?”

I chuckle and shake my head. “I wanted you to know. I went to therapy for it a couple of years ago. I still struggle sometimes. My mom used to tell me when I was a kid that a lady never eatsmore than three bites at once. I guess that kind of stuck in my brain. Well, that and her constant insistence on weighing me.”

He growls under his breath. “No one should do that to a child. You deserved better.”

His words give me a warm, tingly glow.

“I guess some part of me always thought, if I were small enough, I would be worth their attention,” I explain. All those years of therapy and I never made that connection. Maybe it’s because I feel so safe and seen with Zac that I finally understand my parents never offered me love. Not real, authentic love that accepts you as you are.

“You are worthy of attention just because you exist. Don’t let anyone tell you different. And for what it’s worth, I love your body. It’s beautiful and strong and worthy of celebration.”

I swallow around a lump in my throat. He always knows what to say. Zac doesn’t just see me. He knows me. He understands me.

“Can I hold you through the movie?”

“Are you sure you want to? I don’t want your legs to go to sleep,” I explain.

“You’re perfect.” He reaches for me, and I come willingly. I rest my head against his big, barrel chest as he covers me with a blanket. Together, we watch the movie, pausing sometimes to sneak kisses in between scenes.

Actually, we watch the next two movies on the screen. It’s late by the time we’re walking back to his truck.

I grin, feeling bold since our conversation and the way we were pressed up against each other tonight.

Zac definitely wants me at least, if the way his manhood dug into my hip all night was any indication. “Are you going to ask me back to your place?”

He takes my hand in his, threading our fingers together. “Do you want to go back to my place? Because once we’re together, there’s no going back. You’ll be mine forever.”

I lean up and press a quick kiss to his lips. “That’s exactly what I want to be.”

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