Page 22 of Big Rowdy Cowboy

I think about Dotty and how desperately I want her to marry me, how I want to build a whole life with her. I imagine Walt feels the same way about my mom, so I give him a brief nod. “I’ll talk to her.”

After a quick shower, I head right over to Mom’s place. If I hurry, I can still make it in time to pick up Dotty for our date this evening.

I find Mom in her craft room, working on her blanket. She smiles when I come into the room but doesn’t stop her work.

I kiss her cheek and take a seat in the rocking chair opposite her. She loves spending time in the craft room. Even though multiple sclerosis is making her more tired and slowly taking her energy away, she still continues to engage in her favorite hobbies.

It’s important to my family and me that she stays active for as long as possible, so we try to encourage her to keep running her candle business and doing all of her favorite things… which apparently includes dating Walt.

“You look snazzy today,” Mom says. “Are you headed out somewhere?”

“To see the girl I love,” I tell her.

“Dotty is special. You make sure to treat her right.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I nod.

We drift into silence for a moment before she looks up at me over the top of her glasses. Her eyes are still the same piercing blue they were when I was a kid. She could always look at me and know exactly what I was thinking.

“What’s on your mind? Are you’re worried about all that celebrity gossip? You know it will die down in a little while.”

The truth is, I haven’t paid much attention to the gossip around me and Dotty. I’ve been too consumed with finding ways to make her mine to care what anyone else thinks about our relationship.

“Actually, I was thinking about Walt.”

It’s slight, but I see the way her hands still on the needles for a moment before she goes right back to her work. “What about him?”

“Seems you and him have gotten awfully close.”

She nods. “He’s a good friend.”

“Bullshit.”

I’ve never cursed in front of my mom, so the moment I say the word, she lifts her head and glares at me. “Don’t you swear in my house, Zac Maple.”

“Don’t be telling lies in the house,” I challenge. “Walter is more than a friend.”

She ducks her head and goes back to her work on the blanket.

“You know,” I say softly, “I’d be happy for you, for both of you, if you ever…” I swallow hard, forcing the words out. I never imagined in a hundred years we’d be having this conversation. “If you wanted to marry again.”

She still doesn’t look up at me. “That’s lovely, dear. I don’t need your permission.”

“No, you don’t,” I agree. “But if you were looking for it or wanting it, well, there it is. I want you to be happy, Mom. You and Walt both deserve it.”

“Well, that’s mighty nice of you.”

I chuckle because, of course, that’s how she takes it. Linda Maple has always been so strong. She found it in her heart to love countless foster kids before she eventually adopted five of us.

When her husband died and left her with a farm deep in debt and five kids, she started a candle-making business and carried on the way she always has.

“How do you do it?” I ask softly because the truth is, I don’t know how to do it. I want her to give me the answer.

She finally looks back up from her craft work. “How do you love again?”

“How do you still breathe? Because every time she walks out that door, I’m terrified that one day she’s not coming back to me.” My voice breaks on the last word. I thought the hardest thing in the world was losing my dad. But to lose Dotty—the woman who’s meant to be my wife—that would break me.

“Oh, Zac,” she says my name so softly, so filled with pity. “It’s always scary to love someone after loss. Love the second time around is different. You understand how precious and rare it is, how easily they can be ripped from your life. But that’s also a blessing, because you don’t take it for granted the way other folks do.”

---