Page 8 of This Christmas

Thinking about my ex having a family shouldn’t make me sad or even feel like I’m missing something. I’m not. I’m happy with Caryn. We’re going to be married and will hopefully start our own family soon. But I can’t help but wonder how my life would be different if Evangeline and I had stayed together. I imagine we’d have two, maybe three kids, and we’d both work two jobs because working for our family would be expected. Especially this time of year.

No, now that I think about it and can fuzzily picture a different life, I know I made the right decision. Moving to New York and taking the job withCaryn’s dad has been life changing and exactly what I needed and wanted for my law career.

I quit looking for my ex. She’s an ex for a reason and needs to stay that way. I’m sure I’m the last person she wants to see anyway. I slow when I come to a crosswalk and Caryn lets out a little giggle.

“It’s so cute how we have to stop so they can cross.” She’s looking out the front window, her head moving right to left and her smile beams.

“We have to stop for pedestrians here.”

“It’s a good thing I don’t drive. I might forget.”

On the inside, I cringe. It’s a damn good thing she doesn’t drive.

“This town is adorable, Zane. How come we didn’t visit sooner?”

I give her a cockeyed look. She rolls her eyes.

“Okay, yes, I know my parents are demanding. I should call my mom. She and Dad need to definitely drive up for Christmas.”

“My dad’s house isn’t big enough for all of us.”

“Surely, the inn will have enough room.”

I say nothing and turn on my signal to wait for a spot along the curb. The driver waves as he pulls out and I move forward. “You should get out here.”

“What? Why?”

I motion toward the slushy snowbank then glance at her shoes and grimace. “Never mind. I’ll park so you can change your shoes.”

“These go with my outfit, Zane.”

“It’s snowing.” I pull forward and then back into the spot easily. “And they’re going to get ruined by allthe crap on the sidewalk. The town puts salt on the sidewalks.”

“Well, I don’t want to ruin my boots.”

“Better than the heels you’re wearing. I don’t want you to slip, either.”

Caryn sighs heavily. I shut the SUV rental off and get out, careful of where I step. I didn’t think about putting on boots or galoshes and have no choice but to hop, skip, and leap over piles of dirty slush.

At the passenger door, I open it and reach for Caryn’s hand. She hasn’t changed her shoes, and she can’t say I didn’t warn her. I help her out of the car, lifting her as much as possible over the pile of plowed snow. After I set her down, she straightens her clothing and looks up at me.

“It’s a bit cold.”

“No colder than a windy day in the city.”

Caryn rubs her hands together and then links her fingers with mine. “What are we doing here?”

I point down the street at the general store. “That is the store my dad owns.”

“Oh,” she says as she takes it in. “I thought it was . . . well, I don’t know what I thought. It looks a bit run down.”

She’s not wrong. But in saying so, I feel guilt weighing heavily on me. I left him to take care of the store by himself, not that I ever wanted to be involved. My aspirations were different. Small-town living wasn’t for me.

“Come on, let’s go say hi.”

As we walk along the sidewalk, people stare atCaryn, giving her odd looks because she’s wearing high heels. No one in Deer Ridge and the other towns nearby wears high heels outside, especially in winter. It’s unheard of because it’s not safe. Even my teachers would switch out their shoes before going home.

We are within steps of the store when the aromatic scent of pine washes over me. I stop walking and inhale. The trees we have in our apartment are all fake.

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