Page 25 of Keeping Score

“If he finds out I told you this he is going to kick my ass.”

“I won’t say anything, I swear,” I rush out.

“His dad… he left and that fucked D up more than you will ever know.” I knew about this, his dad skipped town or something when his mom got pregnant and Darius has no idea who he is. “His mom is a fucking junkie and will sell her body for her next hit. All he had was you, Corv and your parents, until Saint, Crue and me came along. Darius doesn’t have anyone, only me, Saint, Crue and your brother. For him to have trusted you was a huge thing. He let you in, Leah, and he doesn’t let anyone in.”

“I don’t understand,” I say confused.

“Leah?” He pushes me back until we are staring each other in the eyes, his face is serious. “He has never let any of us in, only you. We all know what Darius wants us to know but none of uscan read him or know what his next move is. I saw it years ago. You can read him and that’s because he let you in. If whatever happened years ago isn’t what he thinks it was, you need to tell him because I won’t watch him fuck up his life again.”

“Again?” I hedge, he takes a shuddering breath and nods.

“Darius was wild and angry when we first got here. None of us knew why and he wouldn’t let us help him. He threw himself into training. He trains harder than anyone on the team and applies himself to everything he does even when we started the comp… He is crazy smart and buries himself in work because he thinks hiding from his feelings will make them go away. You coming back brought everything he thought he had worked through back to the surface and it is scaring the hell out of him.”

“It scares me too. I love him, Beck, and I hate that I hurt him but I don’t have a choice,” I defend, his eyes soften as he runs his knuckles along my cheek, not in a sexual way but in a comforting way.

“We all have a choice, Leah. You just need to decide if the choice you are making is benefiting you or not. Whatever you are hiding from and keeping from him is hurting him. Darius isn’t the type of guy to play games. If you push him too far, he will snap and you will never get him back. Make your choice, babe, but make sure it’s one you can live with.” I smile sadly up at him.

“How did you get so wise about relationship advice?” I ask teasingly, not expecting him to answer.

“I fucked up a long time ago with someone who meant everything to me, so I can relate to how Darius is feeling.”

After leaving Beck in the basement, I decided it was best for me to move out. Cody and Katie said they would make room for mein their dorm room. I took the offer and packed my shit. As soon as Beck and Darius left to hit the gym at school, I texted Cody. She drove over and helped me load my things and brought me back to their dorm. I have a futon on the floor and the room is jam packed with all our things but it beats living next door to Darius. I just need some space from him, need to think about what I’m going to do next.

I know if I go through with this plan, I will definitely lose him. Me telling him about what happened is one thing but him seeing it is another. I feel sick every time I think about it.

“Want to tell us whyDa-Leahis a no go anymore?” Katie’s softly asked question pulls me from my inner thoughts. I sigh and sit cross legged on my futon as each of them lays on their beds on their stomachs facing me, waiting for an answer.

“Everything was great until it wasn’t,” I answer.

“Well what happened yesterday after you took off?” Cody asks. I fill them in on how Darius and Beck found me but I don’t share details about how the rest of our night went. What happened between the three of us is private and no one else’s business. “So, if everything was good, why are you here? I mean we’re glad to have you here but I’m just trying to piece it together.”

“My past came back to bite me in the ass and Darius can’t let it go, and I can’t explain it to him.”

“Why not?” Katie’s question is innocent but if she knew the truth she would understand that I can’t.

“Because I can’t. I wish more than anything I could give him what he wants but I’m too much of a coward.” I wrap my arms around my middle and drop my chin to my chest ashamed and disgusted in myself for the choices I have made.

Darius

“What up, fuckers?” Saint shouts as he, Crue and Corv burst through the front door. I smile wide as each of them waltz into the living room and give me a hug hello. Beck walks in and greets each of the guys, the four of them drop down onto the couches. They looked fucking wrecked.

“Where’s Leah?” Corvin asks. Beck and I share a quick look before I answer.

“She moved out.” When we got home yesterday, Beck went to check on her and found her room empty. I spent the rest of the night in the gym working out my anger that she just left. In hindsight it was a good thing because with her not being here it’s going to be a lot easier to keep my dick out of her.

“What the fuck do you mean?” Corv growls as he shifts forward in his seat pinning me with a look. I throw my hands up in the air and roll my eyes frustrated.

“What the fuck are you looking at me like that for? I didn’t do shit.” I’m lying through my teeth but I don’t care.

“I’m not blaming you for shit. I’m askingyouwhy she left and didn’t tell me?”

“I don’t know, she’s your sister so maybe call the impulsive little shit and find out,” I grit out through clenched teeth.

“Someone must be on their bitchy time of the month,” Crue jokes, earning a glare from me. “Oh, calm down, we just got back and don’t even get a day off tomorrow before we have to train. So, how about we order in some pizza and go over this merger and read the fine print because we all know that fucker will try and stiff us in the fine print.” Each of us voices our agreement as we head off to shower and leave Crue to order the pizza. I make quick work of showering, step out and wrap a towel around my waist before going to my room. I freeze when I see Corvin sitting on the end of my bed with a black thong dangling from his finger, shit!

He wiggles his brows suggestively at me as he says, “Been busy plowing through pussy while I was away. Anyone I know?” I swallow the retort that is on the tip of my tongue as I turn and head for my dresser as I answer him.

“I think you’ve seen her around.” If only he knew that the thong currently dangling from his finger belonged to his sister.

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