Page 116 of Break my Heart

The movements come easily at first, the familiarity of my routine taking over. A spin, a turn, a jump that I land perfectly. The sound of my blades hitting the ice echoes in the empty rink.

No matter how fast I go or how many times I push my body to its limits, the disturbing sensation that I’m not alone continues to linger.

I remind myself that there’s no one else here.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, the shadows at the edges of the rink seem darker tonight.

Deeper.

Almost as if something is hiding just out of sight, watching me.

I spin again, harder this time, hoping that if I go fast enough, I can blur out everything around me.

But the sound of my skates isn’t enough to drown out the silence. I keep expecting to hear something.

A footstep.

A creak.

Anything.

But there’s nothing.

Just the empty arena and the weight of my thoughts pressing in on me.

I attempt a triple lutz. It’s a jump I’ve done a thousand times before. As I rise in the air, there’s a split second where it feels like the ice pulls away from me. My landing is solid, but my heart is pounding in my chest, louder than the scrape of my blades.

I force myself to keep moving, to focus on the steps, the jumps, the spins. But it’s hard. My mind keeps wandering back to everything I’ve been trying to forget.

What I walked in on at the hockey house.

Nathan’s refusal to leave me alone.

And Nadia.

What if she decides that my best years are already behind me? Even though I’m not sure if I want the chance, I want to be the one who makes that decision.

Another jump that flows into a spin. I’m desperate to quiet my mind. It seems like the harder I push, the more the rink pushes back at me. The ice feels too smooth, too slick. Almost as if it’s playing tricks on me, waiting for me to crash and burn.

My breath comes in sharp bursts as I slow down, finally coasting to a stop near the center of the rink. The hum of the lights seems louder now, like they’re buzzing right in my ears. I glance around, half-expecting to see someone standing at the edge of the rink, watching me.

But there’s no one.

Just the shadows.

I exhale sharply, trying to laugh it off, but it comes out shaky. I’m being ridiculous.

I’ve been skating alone for years.

Why does it feel so different now?

I take one last deep breath and close my eyes, trying to force everything from my mind.

The cold.

The shadows.

The fear that Nathan is actually stalking me.

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