Page 111 of Break my Heart

With a nod, I let her lead me out the door.

Even though it feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, I know one thing for sure.

I was a fool for ever trusting Hayes Van Doren.

35

Hayes

“It’s done, dude.”

Bridger’s words hit me like a sledgehammer to the chest. The weight of them sinks in, adding to the mixture of sorrow and grief swirling inside me. I’ve done a lot of hard things in my life—balancing school and hockey, supporting my family—but this...

Hurting Ava like this?

It’s on a completely different level.

It feels like I’ve ripped out my own heart.

Unaware of my inner turmoil, Cassidy’s and Kendall’s hands continue drifting over my chest. Their touch makes me sick to my stomach. I fucking hate that Ava saw them doing it, and that she believes I’m just another player who used her for a good time.

Without a word, I shove up from the couch, needing to get away from them, from everything. All I want to do is take a hot shower and scrub away the shame that clings to me like sweat.

“Come on, Hayes.” Cassidy pouts, reaching for my arm, but I jerk it away before she can touch me again. “What’s your deal?”

My deal?

My deal is that I just destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me. And now all I want is to forget this entire night ever happened.

When I arrived at the house earlier, Cassidy and Kendall were all over one of the younger guys. He’d looked like he’d died and gone to heaven.

Ever since my conversation with Coach, I’d been bouncing back and forth all day, trying to figure out what to do.

“Pretty sure you just broke her fucking heart, man.”

He’s right.

I did.

I just didn’t think it would break mine in the process.

Making Ava think she was just another girl I’d hooked up with seemed like the only way to create a clean break. I figured it would be easier for her, that she’d hate me and move on. From the corner of my eye, I saw her face crumble and the pain in her eyes. That’s all it took for doubt to creep in at the edges.

“I still don’t understand why you had to hurt her like that.” Bridger’s voice is low but pointed. “You should’ve seen the fucking look on her face.”

I wince as a fresh wave of guilt slams into me.

The last thing I want to do is picture Ava’s expression again, but Bridger’s right. It’s impossible not to see it. The way her eyes filled with tears, the disbelief, the betrayal. If I let myself dwell on it for too long, I’ll be in my truck, speeding over to her apartment to beg her forgiveness and spill the truth about everything.

But then I think about what Coach said—that the only way to keep Ava safe is to let her go. To let her leave for Colorado, where Nathan can’t get to her.

Fuck.

My mind races as I rake a hand through my hair and pace the length of the living room.

I know what I did was for her safety and for her future.

She deserves this shot with Nadia Petrovic, and she needs to focus on skating.

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