Page 31 of Flawless

“You know that I did!” I shout as tears fall from my eyes.

“No, you didn’t. You never cared about anything except your image. The ice princess was too flawless to care about anything or anyone except for herself.”

“No! I showed you all the time what you meant for me.”

“It was just another act!”

Zenon spins away from me and storms from the house.

“Damn it!” I shout, slamming my bedroom door and locking it.

I walk to the bed and fall onto it, curling into a little ball. Pulling the pillow to my midsection, I curl around it and bawl my eyes out like a little baby.

8 – ZENON

Last night, I headed for the beach, but I went in the opposite direction of the bonfire. I could still hear the others out there laughing, and I could smell the pungent aroma of the marijuana.

I was surprised to see that Dani passed on the joint when, in the past, she would have consumed her fair share.

I needed to get away from the arguing, the accusations, and the lies she told herself because that was the only thing she could live with. Dani always had a hard time accepting the truth. She didn’t know how to exist in reality.

By the time I came home an hour later, the cottage was quiet, and I assumed she’d been sleeping since the lights were out under her door. I’d gone to my bedroom, showered, and climbed into the bed exhausted.

I spent most of the night tossing and turning until I gave up and finally called Larisa and spoke with my daughter, Zílda. They were currently in Bangalore, India, and they were ten and a half hours ahead of us.

I chatted with her until I started dozing on the phone.

Larisa had popped on and told me to get some rest and call back later. It was coming up on my turn to get my daughter soon, and I’d promised that she could stay with me.

I know that I need to make alternative arrangements for her to come because I don’t want her exposed to the mess that was Dani and me.

Waking up at six this morning, I instantly went out and hit the beach for a three-mile run. Afterward, I returned to do push-ups and some weight training. I had a lot on my mind and hadn’t been this tense since the days after my breakup with Dani.

I spent the first three months of that time in an alcohol-induced state of mind where I slept most days away, sat staring at the ceiling, or wandered out to start a fight with someone.

“Hey,” I hear from behind me.

Turning away from the spinach omelet that I’m making, I look over my shoulder.

“Hi.”

“I um...just wanted to apologize about last night, apologize for how I ended things between us, and for hurting you,” she says, standing in the open doorway, crossing one foot over the other.

Dani drags her big right toe over the toes of her left foot. She glances at me a couple of times but looks back down at her feet as though the answers are there.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I reply, “I don’t want or need an apology, Dani. It’s the explanation for what you’ve been doing is what I’m looking for.”

She clears her throat and slowly walks to the island.

“Don’t judge me.”

“Have I ever?” I ask.

“No. But you might. When you hear what I have to say,” she says in halting sentences.

“Give me a second,” I say, removing the omelet from the pan and plating it. “I want to give you my full attention when we have this conversation.”

Danica sits in silence as I cook the second omelet and then top them both with sour cream and chives. I take the plates to the island where she sits, and I place one in front of her. I sit down beside her and watch as she lightly pushes her plate away.

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