Page 38 of Blaze & Ajax

When he finished, he tossed the rag onto the floor, then took one of my wrists and massaged it, then the other.

“You were so good, Aiden. Perfect,” he whispered soothingly.

That was my catalyst. His words sent me over the emotional edge. I pulled out of his grasp, rolled over onto my side, grabbed his pillow, and cried into it.

It was so fucking humiliating. God, and I was so confused about Ajax, and always crying around him.

When he pressed a hand to my shoulder, I shrugged him off.

“Aiden…”

“Blaze,” he tried again.

He sighed, and just when I thought he’d toss me out of his place for being such a loser, he laid down next to me, spooning me from behind, but he didn’t reach for me. He simply gave me his protective body while giving me space.

Without thinking too hard about it, because I needed it, I reached behind me and grabbed his arm to hold.

God, I was so tired.

He held me for a bit until I calmed down. But then he had to fucking ruin it by talking. “Why are you crying, Blaze? This was supposed to be pleasurable, not upsetting,” he whispered, his breath on my neck.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

I growled at him and tried to get up, but he wouldn’t let me. “Let me go.”

“No. Talk to me.”

“I can’t. Youwon’tunderstand. Besides, giving you all my control was hard enough as it was. I don’t need to lose more of it right now. You said to forget about the ‘whys.’”

Ajax removed his arm without a word, letting me sit up. I set my feet on the cold floor with my back to him, wiping my face as if I could erase my shame.

“Did I do a shitty job again?” he asked.

My body deflated, and I shook my head. “No. You were… great. Thank you.”

I stood, gathered my clothes, and brought everything into the bathroom for some desperate privacy. After taking a piss, I got dressed and washed my hands and face.

I rested my hands on the counter and stared at myself in the water-stained mirror, always hating what looked back at me—always hating my fucking face. No amount of piercings and tattoos changed that.

I wondered if I’d ever like myself. The only time I had was when my Dom owned me. I’d been almost happy. But that had all been a lie. Could I find it in Ajax? I didn’t know. And I didn’t know if I wanted to find thatwith him.

When I came out of the bathroom, Ajax stood there, now fully dressed in a plain white T and jeans, staring at me with concern. I liked his disdain better. It was easier than this… fucking pity.

Even worse? I didn’t hate him anymore. He gave me all that I needed and more, and without a lot of questions. I could trust him to continue this. Maybe.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly.

No. But I didn’t tell him that.

“I will be,” I lied.

He said nothing, staring at me, trying to peer into my fucking soul, but he was no Cueball. Finally, he nodded, rubbing his neck. “Okay. Well, uhm… you don’t have to go.”

“I do, though.”

He nodded. “See ya, Blaze.”

---