Page 30 of Blaze & Ajax

I huffed and shook my head again, not wanting to feel any sort of compassion for Blaze, but it’d been steadily growing since the last time I saw him. “I’m not into some Dom/sub shit, if that’s what you mean.”

“No shit, but you could be. Blaze thinks you can, and it’s why he keeps going to you.”

“And why would I do that for him?”

Cueball shrugged. “That’s foryouto figure out. Or don’t. If you don’t, then when he comes back to you, and he will, I’m asking you to turn him awayin the nicest way possible. Please. If you decide to pursue this, it needs to be done healthily and honestly.”

And there went my regrets. Deep down, I felt like I’d been doing something wrong by Blaze. I tried not to care because I couldn’t stand the guy, but I wasn’t a monster, either.

I dug into my soup again, and suddenly it tasted like shit, so I shoved it away. “What do you want from me?” I asked him.

“He was upset when he came home the other night—angry as hell… more than usual. Did you show him any aftercare, or did you just roughly fuck him, give him a praise or two, and leave him to go on his merry way?”

I sagged on my stool and said nothing, riddled with guilt.

“That’s what I thought.”

I still said nothing, staring out at the city, processing what Cueball was telling me, and what had happened between Blaze and me the last time he came over. He’d definitely been upset, and I’d been too much of a dick to care, pissed because he wouldn’t let me help him with his hand.

Cueball touched my arm, bringing my attention back to him. “As I said, I’d rather you leave him the hell alone, but he’ll just find someone else at this point. He’s growing desperate. At least he knows you.Iknow you. So, I highly recommend you do this right if you take him on. Blaze is a fuckup, no doubt, and a lot of it’s of his own doing, but not all of it. He doesn’t need anyone else hurting him. He’s worth redemption and patience.”

I wasn’t so sure about that. Blaze was a colossal prick on the best of days. Selfish. Arrogant…

Cueball gently gripped my shoulder to get my attention again, and I looked at him. “Whatever your reasons for accepting him into your bed, just be sure you do it the right way.Researchit. Find out what you’re willing to do. Ask him what he’s willing to do. Understand your boundaries and his. Create safe words and have a safe space. And no matter how you feel about Blaze, if you two do this, youhaveto take care of him at the end of it. Donotskip that step. If you don’t, he’s going to break. And don’t think he won’t. I saw it on him the other night. He’s already teetering.”

“Jesus. Okay, okay… I got it. I fucked up. But to be fair, Blaze doesnotcommunicate. He demands.”

For the first time today, Cueball smiled. It was small, but it was there. “I’m well aware of how he can be.”

“You know, you look like you’re in your twenties, but you act like you’re fucking fifty.”

“And I’m not as young as you think I am, but we’re talking about you and Blaze. Not me. So, do you understand what I’ve told you?”

“Yeah, yeah… I’ll do my best.”

He wiped his mouth with his napkin again, stood, and rested a hand on my shoulder. “Eat some more. You’re losing weight.”

With that, he walked out of the restaurant.

“I swear to god, that man is an enigma,” I said to myself.

I grabbed my bowl, which I had shoved away, and finished it, even though it was cold and tasted like cardboard now.

I turned on my shitty computer and opened the browser to search for Dom/sub shit. While I loved having control over Blaze during sex, I wasn’t sure this was for me. I didn’t want to be some fucking master. Maybe I could find a middle ground where we both got what we wanted.

God, why was I even considering this? I didn’t like Blaze. I didn’t want Blaze. So why was I willing to help him?

Because the sex was fucking phenomenal and because you’re curious as hell about what’s going on with him,my stupid brain said.

Admittedly, a little part of my ego was boosted by all this. Despite all our shit, Blaze chosemeto help him when he could’ve found anyone else. There had to be a level of trust somewhere in that stubborn brain of his, right? Or maybe it was just familiarity.

I clicked a link to a beginner’s guide for dominance and submission. The more I read, the more I regretted how Blaze and I ended the last time, making the guilt tear at me. I just took without really giving him what he needed. It had been more than words—more than me telling him how good he’d been. I had toshowthat as well in my interactions with him.

There was a part that stated being a Dominant wasn’t a self-proclaimed title, but one given by the submissive. They trust you to take care of them, protect them, and communicate with them. I didn’t do the first two, but how could I communicate if Blaze didn’t? Even worse, we didn’t trust each other, right? So, how could he communicate if he didn’t trust me? I was so confused. He trusted me to use his body, but not with his words. This was all a fucking mess.

I kept on reading and stopped at what it meant to be a submissive. I suddenly understood Blaze just a little bit more when I read that submissives hold the true power in the dynamic. They’re generally strong people. But I didn’t get that vibe from Blaze. He came across only as strong because he tried to project that to hide his issues. Maybe he used submission tofindhis strength.

I wouldn’t know since he refused to tell me shit.

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