Page 21 of Blaze & Ajax

“He didn’t love you. He groomed you.”

I stared down at my feet, unable to meet his scrutinizing eyes because deep down, I knew Cueball was right.

“Maybe he did,” I admitted, shrugging. “But the damage is done. I was his sub for three years. I can’t even get into regular sex unless I’m giving in… submitting. Whatever. Being this way makes me feel… whole and oddly normal. I need to find that again.”

Cueball leaned over the back of the couch and looked at me. “You found that in Ajax.” It wasn’t a question.

I nodded and finished off my beer, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. “Yep, and I’m fucking pissed about it.”

“Are you, though?”

“Yes! Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to find that person for me and have him be the very person I can’t stand? And let’s be real. He hates me, too.”

“I’m not going to tell you what to do—”

I scoffed. “Well, thank fuck for small favors.”

He continued as if I hadn’t said a word. “But you need therapy to talk about what happened between you and that man.”

“Fuck therapy. I need… Ajax.” I stared up at the cracked ceiling and sighed again. “God, I didn’t just say that.”

“If you pursue this with him, make sure he’s doing this consensually. He needs to be aware of what you need and why. Give him the choice.”

Not likely. The last person I wanted to know my story was fucking Ajax.

When I said nothing, Cueball stood and sauntered toward me. He quickly grabbed me, fisting my hair from the top of my head, knowing he could control me and get me to listen. God, I’d drop to my knees for him if he’d let me, but he wouldn’t. His face was calm as he made me look at him.

“There’s a good person somewhere inside those black eyes of yours. I wouldn’t have put up with your ass if you hadn’t. You need to find the person you could be. Once you do, your world will forever change and you’ll find that strength and control you so crave. Stop warring with yourself and everyone else around you, Aiden.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat at his words, feeling the stinging in my eyes. Not only had he used my birth name, which he never did, but he saw right through to my soul. It was a tough pill to swallow, being so raw and vulnerable in front of someone. Yet, being vulnerable also set me free.

God, I was so fucked up.

I rested my forehead on the cracked tiles and let the hot water from the shower wash over my skin, relishing in the warmth, tired of being cold, inside and out.

My mind drifted unhindered toward Ajax, replaying what had gone down earlier today. He was intense and a little scary, but he’d given me a taste of what I’d craved.

Since it wouldn’t happen again, I recalled all the details, making my cock swell. Instead of focusing on the shit I hated about him, I focused on what I liked. Ajax was so tall and lean but muscular from skateboarding. He had a good-sized dick, large enough to choke me. He had smelled fucking good, too.

His skin was so smooth and pale, nearly hairless like mine. He had a couple of small moles next to his cock, and there were a few spread across his stomachand chest.

But the best part was triggering him and pissing him off, so he took full control of me. No doubt he used restraint on me. Ajax could’ve beaten the shit out of me if he wanted, but he hadn’t. Instead, he gave in to my needs.

Fuck, but it wasn’t enough. Ajax was capable of so much more, but that would require me to tell him what I needed and wanted… and why.

As much as I wanted to rub one out, I didn’t. I was surprisingly satiated after today.

Once I got out of the shower, I dried myself off, and sat in bed with my phone, scrolling through social media, no longer hard and needy.

Bored, I put my phone on the charger, climbed under my covers, and closed my eyes.

For the first time in months, I slept like a baby.

TheAdderallandXanaxpractically burned a hole in my pocket as I waited for the buyer for theAdderall. I needed the money, but I didn’t want to be there selling. I couldn’t pinpoint why, since I hadn’t given a shit before.

I sat in an old diner, sipping stale coffee as my breakfast of eggs and toast got cold, staring out at the gray and drizzling day. At least I wouldn’t freeze my nuts off with the temps rising to the fifties. The trees had finally started sprouting, reminding the world that summer would be here soon, thank fuck.

When I looked up, the buyer approached, and he slid into the booth across from me. It was pretty public, but it was in a shitty part of town, and it didn’t have any security cameras, so I wasn’t worried about being harassed.

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