Page 88 of Blaze & Ajax

I shrugged. “Maybe I didn’t want people to know Aiden. Aiden was a needy loser. Blaze was loved, or so he thought. Blaze felt strong and in control.”

“Aiden is stronger. Aiden ismyname for you. And Jaxon is yours.”

“Where did the name Ajax come from?”

Jaxon yawned and shrugged. “Who knows? Someone once said it instead of Jaxon. It’s just a play on my name, and it stuck. Nothing profound or anything.”

“Come on, let’s get out and hold each other while watching a movie,” I said.

“Sounds perfect.”

Blaze was curled intome, feeling warm and snuggly. He was the only warm thing in my life right now. The depression still had a stranglehold on me, but at least the grip around my throat was less tight.

Fuck, I was exhausted, like I hadn’t slept in years. Hell, I’d barely slept in months. Now, I struggled to get out of bed. But if I laid here all day, I’d get lost in my taunting thoughts, pushing me down deeper.

Shit, Ihadto get up. I promised myself I would take those steps by myself. If I was to face my bipolar disorder for the rest of my life, I needed to be able to push myself to stay healthy on my own. I didn’t want anyone holding my hand for the rest of my life. That wasn’t fair to them… or to Aiden, if hestuck it out with me.

At least I had other people to do just that. I’d felt utterly alone, my thoughts bullying me, telling me I wasn’t good enough for love, whether it was from my family or Aiden.

Aiden.

My poor guy was nearly as broken as me. It was going to take a while to get used to not calling him Blaze.

With a sigh, I eased out of bed, careful not to wake him up, but he bolted upright, anyway, with wide eyes and adorably wrecked hair.

“What’s going on? Are you okay?”

I leaned down and kissed the top of his messy head. “I’ve got to get up and get ready to meet the boss. Maybe he’ll even let me work today. I need to make money again.”

I’d thought about calling Barry, but it was better to meet him face-to-face.

Aiden climbed out of bed and shuffled into the kitchen with his hand down his underwear, scratching his cute, pert ass and yawning loudly. “I’ll make us some coffee.”

“That’d be great.”

After I got cleaned up and dressed, I sat at the kitchen table and pulled Aiden onto my lap. If he were still Blaze from before we got along, he would’ve bitched at me. Perhaps he would’ve punched me. Now, he rested his head on my shoulder as I sipped my coffee. Where did this sweet man come from? I loved this version of him. But I liked the old version, too, despite him being a feral fucking pain in the ass. I wouldn’t have fallen for him had I not accepted all of him, faults and all.

“Can we just stay like this all day?” I asked.

Aiden breathed a laugh in my hair. “Nope. You have things to do. I’m not going to be the one holding you back.”

I put my mug on the table, sat him up, and cupped his face with my hand. “I love you. You know that, right? No matter how shitty I feel, or how crazy I get, always know that.”

He nodded, picking at his black painted nails, trying not to look at me. “I know. I love you, too. And don’t fucking say that word. You’re not crazy. Anyway, it’s… really fucking hard to say still, like the words don’t belong in my mouth, but… I feel them.”

“It’s fine. Youdon’t have to say it anymore. I know how you feel now.”

“But I want to.”

I put my hand on his neck and pulled him into a kiss. “I better get out of here before I decide not to go.”

He got off my lap, and I stood to grab my shoes and put them on. “Oh, there’s a spare key in that junk drawer next to the silverware. When you leave, can you lock up?”

“Sure.”

“Will you… be here when I get back?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

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