Page 49 of Never Enough

I’m nothing like her, and I think that’s part of my insecurities. Alex was Celeste’s for over eight years. Meanwhile, I’m having a hard time holding on after only a few weeks. I can’t help but compare.

I get Alex in secret. She got him in public. Heck, from an outsider’s perspective, she still has him.

I guess opposites don’t always attract. It’s like comparing apples to oranges, or maybe more like a blonde to a brunette. Alex andI used to have more in common, but now he values the opinion of others more—others like Celeste. And if he values her opinions more, then what’s the point of me trying? We’re so different. Case in point: she’s rich while I grew up poor. Her hair is to her waist. Mine is chin length. Her skin lives at the tanning bed. I’ve never tanned a day in my life, and I’ve avoided the sun so much that I think I’m now allergic.

The comparisons are never ending.

It’s not that I have low self-esteem. Yet because Celeste and I are so different, I can’t help but wonder what he sees in me. In fact, I’m not sure why we’re together.

Doubt gnaws at me. Am I not good enough for him? Perhaps he’s only with me out of pity. Or is this all a twisted game, a cruel joke that Victoria has convinced him to play? The possibility shatters my fragile hope, leaving me feeling utterly lost.

Trying to shake off the negative thoughts, I can’t let this get to me. I have to trust that Alex loves me for who I am.

Nevertheless, it’s tough when everything seems to conspire against me. Even my mom, who sent another letter yesterday, isn’t making things any easier. I can’t even talk to Alex about it. It would seem like I’m fishing for attention, saying,Hey, babe. I know you’re pretending to date Celeste tonight, but can you hold me instead? My mean mommy is threatening meagain.

Yeah, because that won’t make him run the other way. Especially when he learns why I was in his house the night I saved his life, anyway.

The door swings open with a forceful slam, and Victoria strides in, her phone pressed to her ear. Her voice, a sharp rapier, cuts through the peaceful quiet of the apartment.

“Alex, seriously? You said noon,” she says, annoyance clear even from across the room.

The sound of his name makes my stomach tighten. I don’t want to listen, but their words find me anyway. I can’t help it. I’m addicted to the man.

I stab the tomato on my plate, making its juice bleed into the lettuce.

“Whatever,” Victoria huffs. “Just call her yourself.” She doesn’t see me, or she doesn’t care to acknowledge my presence. Same difference.

My fingers curl around the fork, grounding the cool metal against my skin. I should be used to being invisible by now, but it continues to sting raw each time.

“Fine,” she snaps into her cell with a clipped tone. “But this isn’t like you, Alex.”

I silently watch her while I completely forget my salad. He’s always been like this, hasn’t he? Always somewhere else, withsomeone else. And here I am, foolishly holding on to the hope that he sees me too.

Victoria had seemed mad at him, and that worries me.

The chair’s wooden frame bites into my back as I lean back. Victoria’s sharp voice pierces the silence, pacing like a jagged knife.

“Alex, you promised,” she hisses. Her annoyance is palpable even from across the room. “Celeste waited for you.”

My stomach churns as I imagine Celeste’s pout as she scans the fancy restaurant I could never afford, waiting for Alex to arrive.

Victoria pauses and listens. After a moment, her brow furrows. “What do you mean, you’re under the weather? You were fine at our parents’ house. Is everything okay?”

The fork in my hand trembles slightly. Alex is sick? I have a bad feeling it’s a sickness of the mind and not a sickness of the body. A knot forms at the base of my throat, making it difficult to take a breath. I’ve seen him down before. He’s always keeping it to himself and never voices his illness to anyone. Not even to Victoria.

So, naturally, I feel like it’s my responsibility to ensure he’s safe. I’m the only one who knows he almost died by his own hand.

“Look, just get better, okay?” There’s a softness to Victoria’s voice that’s rare, only reserved for moments when the façade of perfection cracks enough to let basic humanity seep through. Usually only towards her brother too.

Without thinking, I blurt, “Everything all right?” Vulnerability escapes, leaving me feeling raw.

Victoria whirls around, still on the phone with Alex, her surprise flashing into irritation as quickly as it appeared. “None of your business,” she snaps, stalking away.

But it is my business. Despite the distance, the short words, and the space between us, Alex matters. His well-being knots inside me, refusing to unravel. I need to see him to know he’s all right. Now more than ever.

The screen lights as my thumb scrolls through Alex’s Instagram page. He’s a constant updater, with a stream of football shots, business notes, and smiles I crave, but for the past day, there’s been nothing. None today or yesterday. The absence worries me.

Victoria’s voice cuts through the room. “It was no one, just my lame-ass roommate.” A pause. Then, “Yeah, we’ll talk later.” The click of her phone hanging up echoes. When she notices me clearly eavesdropping, she narrows her eyes. “Shouldn’t you be getting a life, Daph?”

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