Page 36 of Never Enough

I nod, get out of the car, and slam the door shut behind me. The sound reverberates through my bones.

I walk into the kitchen, and that’s when I see her.

Her.

Daphne.

The one person who makes my world a little less dark. She’s wearing those damn tight jeans and a fitted shirt, her hair cascading down her back like a waterfall. I can’t help but stare.

“Hey, Alex,” she says, her voice like honey, making my insides warm.

“Hi.”

We share a moment, just us, lost in each other’s eyes, before I remember who I’m supposed to be. Wealth doesn’t pay for affection or love, or anything I’m meant to have. I’ll forever be bound by the expectations, the rules, and the lies.

Plus, Victoria’s words play over and over in my mind. No one likes me.

Daph gives me a tight smile. I watch as she moves to sit on the stool at the breakfast bar and pulls out her sheet music from her bag.

I see her fingers dance over the pages, every line and note etched into her brain. She’s a natural goddess with a harp. It’s beautiful.

It’s heartbreaking.

When I realize how my stutter is gone, I appreciate how much Daphne calms my nerves. After only a short time, my anxiety disappears.

“Whatcha doing?” I ask, even though I know the answer.

“Just going over some pieces for my recital,” she says, not looking up from her sheet music.

A quiet settles over us. The clock ticks on the wall, and I can feel the seconds slipping away. Suffocating. The days feel like weeks, and the weeks like years.

I should be saying something, doing something. But what? What could someone like me offer to someone like her?

She deserves someone who isn’t a walking disaster and separated into a million pieces. Someone who loves without the risk of self-destruction. I can’t even express myself without stuttering. And just like that, my depression and anxiety are back as quickly as they had left.

Suddenly, she looks up at me, her hazel eyes warm and inviting. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” I lie through my teeth. She doesn’t need to know the darkness I live in.

No one does.

“Do you want to play something together before Ms. Cider gets here?” she asks next. My heart pounds in my chest. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve her kindness or her friendship. But that doesn’t stop me from nodding. Only, I don’t move. I’m trapped inside the coffin again.

My mind is a fog, thick and heavy, suffocating me. No one cares. No one ever has. They pretend because they have to. There’s only two options: to overtly or covertly hate me.

The bullies are overt. They don’t make their distaste unknown. My family and other kind souls, like Daphne, pretend to like me because they’re not monsters.

I’m a mistake. No one actually likes me because how could they? I don’t even like myself.

It’s not that I’ve always been the odd one out, the invisible kid. I try to smile and pretend everything’s okay, but the effort is exhausting. Why am I here? The thought is a constant companion, a dark cloud that follows me everywhere.

I wish I could just disappear, fade into nothingness. It would be easier that way. No more pain, no more loneliness, and no more burdens.

Because every breath is a burden, even to me. Especially to me.

I’ll never get married or have kids, and even if I do, they’ll all leave. Or worse… I’ll give them my darkness.

“Alex?” Daphne’s voice snaps me back to reality. She’s standing there, looking at me with concern.

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