Page 3 of Dearest Ronan

Just want to check on you. Are you staying safe? Need anything?

With all my strength, I avoid pouring my life on him. Does he feel my vibration through our phones?

Anika:

Always safe. Don’t need anything.

Here it comes. In the past two years we’ve been apart, Ronan always engages conversation despite my standoffishness. Nothing over the top to upset me or appear too pushy, but enough to keep me talking.

I’ll admit, I secretly love it because it means he cares.

I wonder what he’ll say this time.

Ronan:

K.

I take pause.

He’s never replied with a simple ‘K’.

He’s upset. With me? Doubtful. At least, I hope not. Despite all I’ve done, I refuse to cause him pain.

I’m getting to the root of the problem.

Anika:

What about you, Ronan? How are you?

I bite on the edge of my nail as worst-case scenarios cycle through my head obsessively.

Ronan laying on a stretcher after a car accident, his forehead dripping with sweat and arm broken.

Ronan sitting next to a toilet hung over and stomach churning after drinking too much the night before.

Ronan with tears in his eyes after Carolyn blames him yet again for their short-comings.

Ronan:

*thumbs up emoji*

Now I’m worried. Please just be giving me a taste of my own medicine. I’ll take it all day, any day, over him upset.

I spit out a hangnail so I can text him back.

Anika:

Are you sure? I know I haven’t always been reliable, but I miss and care about you.

Ronan:

I know, and I’m fine.

My gut says he’s not even remotely close tofine. Not unlessfineis a twisted way of saying he’s refined his emotions into a sophisticated state of negativity.

Like me, he’s human. Sometimes I wonder if we’re the only two humans left on the planet amongst a sea of robots. Little playthings tottering like the fickle things we are. Robots claim to befinewhen they’re not. Robots don’t feel like we do. Like Dearest Ronan and I do.

I have to remind him.

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