Page 48 of The Rescue

He looks up from his plate, and he nods softly accepting my compliment. I don’t know how to feel about his sudden change towards me. Last night he was telling me how crazy I drove him and now he can barely look at me.

I should consider myself lucky because last night would’ve been amazing, no doubt. But I know deep down things could’ve got a lot more complicated than they needed to be. I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit that it’s left me feeling a little hollow and empty. I’ve walked away from plenty of guys before but this feels different. Seeing Rabbie’s sullen face makes my stomach unsettled. And now he’s giving me the cold shoulder, and the reality of how much it stings is very eye opening.

I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but Dylan spots the tension between us and frowns at me. All I can muster is a half-hearted smile and focus on my breakfast which I have no appetite for anymore.

I keep reminding myself I need to get this website finished and get back to Boston before things get more complicated. Last night was a close call.

“How’s your head this morning?” Dylan asks, breaking my thoughts.

I look up at her across the table sitting next to Rabbie and her eyes are bloodshot but filled with concern.

“Better than yours, I suspect,” I smirk at her.

She smiles at me and then winces, grabbing her head. She eyes with me suspicion, my best friend knows when something is up. She’s very observant when it comes to tense situations. I just want to curl up in a ball and not have to face the fact that I could be more into Rabbie than I thought.

Dylan gives me a look which I instantly know that she’ll be asking me when we’re alone. Rabbie has retreated into himself and hasn’t made much of a peep since I sat at the table. He finishes his breakfast and stands from the table to wash his plate and stalks off outside. No one else notices his abrupt exit, they’re too hungover and are too busy shovelling food and coffee into their mouths. I take this opportunity to excuse myself and go outside to look for Rabbie.

I wander outside and spot him at the far end of the garden standing by the small creek. I slowly make my way over to him. I don’t know exactly what I’m going to say to him but I’m instantly drawn to him. I want to know what’s going on inside of that head of his. I stand beside him, and he stills. I don’t say anything, we both look down into the clear water of the creek. Things are awkward between us since our near kiss in the hot tub last night, and I hate it. The silence is making my skin itch.

“I–sorry you go,” we both stumble over our words talking over one another.

I can feel my face flushing, and I want to run from this awkward conversation.

He rubs the back of his neck, and his face strains. We both look back down into the water, not saying a word.

“How are you feeling?” I finally ask him.

“Aye, probably better than them lot inside,” he doesn’t look up at me, he kicks a small rock into the water.

“Yeah things got a little out of hand last night, I had fun though,” I try to leave a subtle hint that I didn’t regret our moment in the hot tub.

“Aye, about that. I’m sorry I came on to you like that. It’s very unlike me. It was a momentary slip of judgement. I’d had too much wine and you’re a beautiful woman. Mix that with a hot tub and something was bound to happen. I think it was probably for the best that we didn’t kiss,” he says softly. He still doesn’t look at me, his Adam’s apple bobs up and down.

I suddenly feel cold.

“Don’t get me wrong, you’re amazing, and stunning. But, you’ll be leaving soon so I think it’s best we stay friends and not complicate things,” he finally looks at me with his jade green eyes.

Friends, there’s that word again.I want to crumple up in a ball from the embarrassment. I don’t know why this feels like a punch to the stomach because I’m meant to be the casual one. I try to play it cool, and not let Rabbie see the disappointment written all over my face.

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s forget it happened,” I force a smile, and nudge his shoulder.

He slumps a little from the contact, and I retreat back to give him some space. Raindrops start to fall from the sky, and he tilts his head towards the sky and closes his eyes. I wish I could know what’s going on inside his head. When he opens them again, and looks at me I swear I see a hint of regret in them. Is that from nearly kissing me or not kissing me at all? The question is on the tip of my tongue.

“Thanks, Crystal. Come on, let’s get out of this rain before we get soaked.”

He sounded very formal, and not at all like the Rabbie I was starting to like. He turns and starts to walk back to the house.

18

Rabbie

I feel like an idiotfor acting the way I did the morning after nearly kissing Crystal. I brushed it off like it meant nothing, and that it was for the best we didn’t kiss. When in reality all I could think about was kissing her. We spent the rest of the weekend being awkward with one another, and avoiding being alone together. It was torture enough that I was locked up in a cabin with her all weekend, but then we had to return back to Crossmackie and continue spending time with each other there. I felt like I deserved it for acting like a coward and not going for what I wanted.

Crystal has hardly said two words to me since we spoke in the garden, and the group hasn’t picked up on the awkward tension between us. I silently hate myself all weekend for being the way I am. The insecurity and self-doubt that Crystal is actually interested in me, and that she might leave me one day eats away at me. Why can’t I be a normal guy and not think everyone isgoing to leave me? Crystal did make it clear that she would never live in a small town again, and I would never live anywhere else than Crossmackie. I keep telling myself it was for the best that things didn’t get complicated, but why do I feel so down about it.

I scrub my hand down my face, as we drive in silence through the winding roads. I hate this weird tension between us, I wish it could go back to the way it was before we nearly kissed.

It’s starting to get really cold now in the Highlands, I reach to turn the heat on in the car when our hands collide. A zap of energy pings through my body. Crystal snaps her hand back like she just got a static shock. We both give each other a sheepish smile. I can hear my heart beating in my ears, I take a deep breath to slow it down. I look over at Crystal and she’s looking out the passenger window. Her long, copper hair catches the sunlight. Her hair is the most beautiful shade of deep bronzy orange, it almost looks metallic. I badly want to reach out and tuck a stray strand behind her ear, but I grip the steering wheel tight to distract myself.

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