Page 38 of The Rescue

“My three older brothers don’t even have girlfriends, and you don’t give them lectures about settling down,” I try to defend myself.

“Well, boys will be boys. You have to set an example as a southern woman. Looking your best and caring for your man is what we’re born to do.”

I try not to let her views diminish the way I choose to live my life. I don’t want my sole purpose on this earth to be at the hands of a man. I don’t want to spend my life looking after a man in a loveless relationship. This is why I’m reluctant to pursue a serious relationship, for the fear of turning out like my parents.

“Thanks for the advice, mama,” I try to rush the conversation along, so I can hang up.

“You know I want the best for you honey, all your friends are married and have had babies by now. All the women in my book club are always asking about you, and I have to tell them you’re still single.”

“Okay, mama. I’ve got to go, I’ll see you when I’m home for Christmas.”

“Thanksgiving is coming up, don’t be going crazy on those desserts now. I know how much you love pumpkin pie. Love you, honey.”

I don’t even give her enough time to blow her usual kiss to the camera before I hang up and let out a long sigh. I close my eyes and wish I wasn’t here. I wish I could erase thatconversation from my life. I wish Rabbie wasn’t here to witness that.

Rabbie’s hand is still firmly on my shoulder, and I’m so embarrassed to look at him. I don’t know what I was expecting, my mama can be so unpredictable, but I wasn’t expecting her to lay into me so harshly in front of him.

He takes his hand off my shoulder and sits down across from me, and I can feel his sage green eyes burning into me. I know he doesn’t usually pry, but this is different. He’s finally got a glimpse into my life and why I am the way I am.

“Are you okay?”

I’m looking down at my hands, and I still can’t bring myself to look at him.

“Mo beag?”

That Gaelic nickname he’s given me gets my attention, and I finally look up at him, and I try to fight back the tears and not cry in front of him because that would be embarrassing.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I barely get it out before a small squeak escapes my mouth.

Rabbie is quick on his feet and is kneeling down in front of me, and takes my hand in his.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think she would act like that in front of you,” I wipe a tear away from my eye.

I told myself a long time ago, I would never let her make me cry or make me feel bad about myself again. I don’t know why I’m trying to lessen the way she spoke to me, maybe because I’m embarrassed, or maybe I’m so used to it. I don’t let people talk to me like that anymore. Hell, I even called Mrs. MacNee out last night for the way she spoke to me, but when it comes to my mama I lay down and take it.

“You have nothing to apologise for,” he squeezes my hand and tries to get me to make eye contact with him.

“I want my life to have more purpose than just making a bunch of babies and keeping a man happy.” I admit.

Rabbie is still kneeling in front of me, and the heat coming from his gaze makes me shift in my seat.

“You’re more than that, I hope you know that.” He rubs the back of my hand with his thumb.

His comment is so out of the blue it takes my breath away. Dylan would always try to cheer me up after my mama called, and sometimes it felt forced. Almost like she was just trying to come up with anything to make me happy. Dylan sometimes knew how to say the right things, but she would always try to remind me to be thankful that at least I have a mama. Then I would feel bad because her mom died when she was fifteen from breast cancer. But Rabbie’s genuineness and the look of shock on his face after hearing the things my mama said to me makes me believe him.

“Thank you, Rabbie,” I smile at him.

“Please don’t let ‘normal’ society pressure you into thinking you’re not good enough. You’re perfect the way you are. I feel like such a dickhead for not telling my nan to lay off the questions last night,” he rubs a hand through his perfectly messy blonde hair.

“You weren’t to know my mama is the way she is, but now you can understand why I’m a little hesitant about living in a small town with all the criticism and judgement I get from her,” I let out a shaky laugh.

“I get it, but not all small towns are like that,” it sounds like he’s trying to win his case.

I raise an eyebrow at him, because his nan just treated me in a similar way the night before, but I don’t say anything to him, I don’t want to cause any conflict. I’m enjoying him being this close to me again.

“The pictures turned out great, do you want to see them?” I ask him, changing the subject.

Rabbie squeezes my hands, and I think we’ve learnt that once we change the subject, it’s time to move on and stop dwelling on our fucked up families.

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