Page 89 of Worth Every Game

The answer swells my throat, as though I’m allergic to it. “Not all of it.” The silence that follows is like a vacuum, sucking outmy insides.Fuck. “I’m sorry. It was before I knew you. Before we—”

“Go away.”

I feel my heartbeat, anxious and rapid, in every cell in my body. “Can you open the door?”

The silence is broken only by the sound of Elly crying.

“Please, El. I’m so sorry. I don’t think any of that stuff about you now. I think you’re wonderful.”

“Why didn’t you say so? Why didn’t you…” She fades out, sounding like she’s choking on her words.Why didn’t I what?My mind can’t process shit right now.

“Please, let me in.This is what Mum wants. She’s trying to drive us apart. Who cares what she thinks? I don’t—”

“Don’t what? Think any less of me? Because I’m a slut? A whore? A useless waitress who can’t pay her rent? Fucking say it, Jack.”

“Don’t try and put words in my mouth. I don’t think that. You’re not.” I sigh and lean against the wood. “I love the way you are. I fucking love it. I love everything about you. I love your voice and your music and your songs. I love the way you sing. The way you laugh. I love your eyes, and your hair, and that fucking nose piercing. And I love that you spread yourself on that fucking piano and let me take those photos. I love that you writhed on my lap and made yourself come. I love that you got on your knees in the kitchen and took me down your throat. Don’t make it wrong. Don’t let what my mother said make it wrong. It’s not.”

“She thinks I’m a gold digger. A slut.”

“I don’t give a shit what my mother thinks, and neither should you.” I hang my head, fisting my hands so hard they hurt. “El… please, you’remyslut, and I fucking love you for it.”

A crushing pain grips my entire chest as the words leave my mouth, but it’s the silence from the other side of the door that breaks me.

Nothing. She has nothing to say to me.

“Let me in,” I murmur.

“Not tonight,” she replies.

I hold my breath, and the pump of my blood whooshes through me so hard I can feel it in my fingertips. The wrenching sound of Elly’s sobbing ekes through the door… she’s breaking her heart just inches away from me, and I can’t make it better. I can’t fix it. I want to scoop her up in my arms and take away her pain. I want it so much that my body aches with it.

“Damn it, Elly. Open the door.” The words grate against the inside of my throat, leaving it raw.

She doesn’t respond, and I hear her move away, her footsteps fading as she retreats deeper into the house. I stay there, sitting on the top step outside the house for far too long, waiting for her to change her mind. I stay there so long that the cold numbs my fingers and toes.

I send message after message

Me: Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Me: What can I do to make it up to you?

Me: What do you need?

Me: Please, El. Let me inside. We can talk about this.

I lose count of how many times I say I’m sorry, but all my messages remain unread.

And then, after Elly’s bedroom light goes on, and finally switches off again, signalling she’s going to sleep, I send Kate a message.

Me: Can I crash at yours tonight?

The typing dots appear and disappear, but when she finally responds all it says is,Of course.

Kate stares at me over the breakfast table in Nico’s flat. “Mum turned up to save your soul, right?”

I let out a sigh that sounds like a groan. I don’t want to have this conversation at all. “Yes. In all her glory, scratching her claws like a tiger.”

Kate presses her lips together, and I know she’s trying to contain the urge to say, ‘I told you so’.

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