“Yes. And you better not watch it without me.” She rolls her eyes, but smiles.
“Fine, but you’re making the popcorn next week.”
“Deal.”
eight
HARLOW
WatchingCal panic every morning before he leaves for the studio is getting exhausting and it’s month two. I’ve already done this every morning for a month. I’m tired.
“You have everything you need, right? Diapers? Formula? What if she gets sick? Did I leave her pediatrician information?” He asks, pulling at his hair. It’s sticking up all over the place from him pulling on it for the last half hour.
“Callahan!” I shout, getting his attention and making Cora giggle. He stops at the sound of my voice but smiles at Cora’s. When I’m certain I have his attention, I continue. “We have more than enough of everything and even if we didn’t, you gave me a credit card for that exact purpose.”
“Right, but what if you need to leave —”
“Car seat is in my car that you took to the fire station to have checked.”
“Her doctor —”
“Which I’ve been to. On my first day.”
“Okay. Yeah. Right.”
“Are you going to be like this every day? How long does it take to record an album?” I ask, trying to make a joke, but I’m actually curious if this is how every morning will be going.
Cal plops down onto the couch, elbows on his knees, face in his hands and sighs.
I set Cora down in front of him with her blocks and take the seat next to him. Placing my hand on his thigh, I squeeze gently.
“What are you feeling?” I ask. He turns his head to look at me, and I almost gasp at the anguish there.
“Cora already doesn’t have a mom and now I feel like I’m abandoning her too. Not that Bailey abandoned her. But I’m leaving her for a long time. I’m missing a lot of time with her. What if I miss her first word? Her first steps? Her first anything?” His gaze is pleading with me to give him answers.
“She may not have a mom, but she has a dad who would do absolutely anything for her, and that’s so much more than a lot of people have. Plus, add the family you’ve created around her, and she’s one lucky little girl.” I smile softly when the corner of his mouth turns up slightly. “And if she tries to take her first step without you, I’ll push her back down.”
Cal fully laughs at that. I grab his hand, making sure he’s still paying attention to me. And he is definitely paying attention. His gaze snaps to where our hands join, but he doesn’t pull away. Instead, he wraps his fingers around my hand and squeezes.
“The only thing you can do as a parent is your best. Not every choice you make will be the right one. Not every piece of advice you give her will be helpful. You’re going to fuck up. It’s just how it is. But you’re also going to do so many things right. You love that little girl, and you’d give your next breath to make her happy. You’re a great dad, Cal.”
“Thanks, Firecracker,” he whispers, a small smile on his face. I wish I could take some of his pain away, but I don’t think there’s much that can take away the guilt parents feel. Especially single parents.
“How about this?” I say, coming up with a compromise. Cal raises an eyebrow. “What if Cora and I go to the studio for alittle? I’ll take her stroller with me. Jo and I can take her to walk around Faneuil Hall Marketplace when you break for lunch, and then I’ll take her home at naptime.”
“Really?” he asks, face brightening as a huge smile breaks out on his face. I just nod and laugh at his excitement.
“Do you want to come see Daddy at work, baby girl?” Cal asks Cora, scooping her up off the ground. She lets out an angry cry at first, but she soon catches onto Cal’s excitement and starts squealing with happiness. She’s just happy because her dad is happy.
Their happiness is infectious and soon my face is hurting from how hard I’m smiling.
I have Cora strapped in a carrier on my chest as we watch the band get ready. I’m behind the glass with their manager, Jon, and the producer who introduced himself as Geoff. Jo is behind me on a red leather sofa, answering emails on her phone.
Cora’s eyes are wide as she takes everything in. She seems especially interested in all the switches and lights on the equipment that Geoff is sitting in front of. He keeps glancing over his shoulder at her like she can somehow reach twenty feet in front of her and mess with his settings. Which really only makes me want to mess with them myself.
“We’re ready when you are,” Cal’s voice comes through the speaker. Cora screams with excitement when she hears her dad’s voice. Everyone laughs at the sound. Well, everyone except Geoff who is now glaring.
Who glares at babies?