Page 73 of Murder Most Actual

Sir Richard shrugged. “Maybe, but the killer hasn’t gone in for the fell swoop option so far.”

“And,” added Reverend Lincoln, “killing everybody at once might actually be quite difficult. Besides, we can sleep in shifts.”

Now Ruby played a tauntingly light-hearted melody. “Oh goodie, sleeping in shifts. My absolute favourite activity.”

Liza and Hanna exchanged glances. On the one hand, it was probably sensible; on the other hand, being stuck in a room full of guns and people they had no reason to trust didn’t seem exactly restful either.

But in the end, it did seem like the best plan. And so, the ever-dwindling band of guests sat down and thrashed out the nitty-gritty of what looked likely to be a two-day vigil of watching each other to make sure nobody else got murdered. A somewhat complex system for toilet breaks was worked out, and Sir Richard was persuaded that it would not, in fact, kill him to skip showering until the snow melted, or at least that it would kill him less literally than a bullet to the base of the skull. They even arranged, travelling in threes as always, to inform Mr Burgh of their plan, and to check in once more on the colonel who seemed not to have moved from his room since that morning. They arranged for dinner to be brought to them in the drawing room in order to minimise the chances of anybody wandering off, and, having eaten little and worn out their eyes from staring at each other, they settled in for the evening.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Everybody, in the Lounge, with Guns

Tuesday night/ Wednesday morning

The night that followed was tense, and nobody seemed to get any sleep, although everybody took it in turns to lie down on something soft with their eyes closed for an hour or two, as much to show willing as anything else.

Between about one and three in the morning, Liza found herself on watch with Sir Richard and Ruby. Hanna was dozing fitfully on the sofa beside her, and Liza was casually stroking her nails across her wife’s shoulder blades. She’d also taken custody of the professor’s pistol when he went to sleep and, when she felt able, was keeping that ready in case somebody leapt out of the dark at them.

“You know,”—Sir Richard’s voice was sliding from laconic into sleepy—”I must say, you’ve done awfully well for a beginner.”

Liza wasn’t sure how she was meant to take that. “Have I?”

“Oh yes. Excellent catch on the whole she-should-have-been-holding-the-gun thing. And it was really very likely that it was actually poor Vivien behind the first two killings, so you really shouldn’t be too hard on yourself for getting it wrong.”

While she didn’t exactly have a huge investment in her own sense of ace-detective-ness, Liza could tell when she was being patronised and had never been a fan. “I don’t actually think I did?”

Sir Richard gave a hollow laugh. “Come on, old girl, no harm in admitting defeat. You said yourself it wasn’t a suicide, and she could scarcely have done Aunt Tabitha in. Which means we’re looking for somebody else.”

“Only,” Liza pointed out, “if we’re sure there’s just one killer.”

“You really believe that there just happen to be multiple murderers running around the hotel at the same time?” Sir Richard asked. Condescension was slowly giving way to incredulity. “If you don’t mind my saying, that feels rather fanciful.”

Ruby fixed him with a glance that, even on zero sleep, managed to be icy. “Whereas your theory that we’re being hunted down by a mysterious avenging angel is, of course, the kind of thing that happens every day.”

“It’s a simple question of mathematics.” Apparently, Sir Richard was standing firm on this one. And for a distracted moment Liza let herself wonder whether it was a matter of pride or if he had some other motivation. “It’s exponentially less probable that multiple people would have chosen to commit murder simultaneously than that one very, very bad murderer just happens to be in the hotel.”

Part of Liza wanted to avoid engaging. Sir Richard didn’t seem in a receptive mood, and challenging an irritable man with a gun seemed like a good way to get shot. But on the other hand, he was a noted amateur sleuth, and that meant he might have something interesting to say. “So, who do you think it is? This single phantom killer?”

Sir Richard steepled his fingers. “Ah, I confess I do have a rather nice little theory on that.”

“Do tell.” Ruby’s voice was the clearest example of dripping with sarcasm Liza had ever heard.

“It’s the maid,” said Sir Richard smugly.

“Which maid?” asked Liza.

“There’s only one,” Ruby replied. “I think she and the footman might have had a thing going.”

Liza let her head collapse into her hand for a moment. “Tell me you didn’t have sex with her as well?”

“Not getting jealous, are we?”

“As the lady says,” Sir Richard butted back in, “there’s only one maid, and I think she may be behind all of it.”

“All of it?” To Liza, at least, that seemed on the very low end of probability.

“I don’t know why you’re so shocked. It was you who put me onto her. You were right, you see—Aunt Tabitha had been squabbling with Mrs Ackroyd just before Belloc was shot. And when I dug into that a bit, it turned out that the maid was what they’d been squabbling about.”

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