Page 87 of Out of the Cold

They’d been cooking together enough that they moved easily around each other in the kitchen. She cleaned the bowls she’d used, he finished the salad and set the table.

When the food was ready, Gabriel lit the candles she’d left on the table since the blackout.

“I’ve been eating way more food now than I ever did,” she said, giving them each a serving of meatloaf.

“You’re probably burning thousands more calories a week on your hikes,” he said. “Plus you have more muscle to maintain.”

“I never had muscles before. It’s kind of cool.”

“Mmm, I’m a fan,” he said, giving her a look as he poured her some wine.

“I’m doing a lot now I never thought I’d be able to do. I mean, I was terrified to walk into the woods before, and now I do it every day. It’s weird to think you can change that much in such a short time.”

“Not everyone is capable of making that kind of change.”

“You don’t think so? I guess I think when put in extreme circumstances, most people can adapt. Still, you couldn’t pay me to go into the woods at night. I draw the line there.”

He laughed. “I don’t blame you.”

“I never thought I’d say this...” She put together a bite of meatloaf and mashed potatoes. “But I’m going to miss all this. I think I need to live somewhere that has a winter, or that’s close to the mountains.”

“What about Sacramento?”

Her heart gave a little stutter. “What do you mean?”

“It’s a great city, and you’d love the climate. Hot dry summers and mild winters. And it’s only ninety minutes from here.”

“And you live there.”

“And I live there,” he said, his tone cautious.

Her heart was beating fast now.

“Are you recommending I live there because you think it’s a great place, or because you want me there?”

“I want you there. I want you, period.”

She could make this easy for them both. Everything in her wanted to say yes. It would fill in all the missing puzzle pieces of her life. But was thattooeasy? And what if something else was driving his invitation? She’d already followed Mark to San Francisco, and look how that had turned out.

She couldn’t make another mistake.

“I want to,” she said. “I’m crazy about you. Our connection is, well, sometimes it actually scares me a little. But this is really new and intense, and I don’t want to decide anything too fast.”

“Never mind. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

His expression went carefully blank as he began eating again.

“Please don’t do that. I don’t want you to take it back. I just don’t want to follow you there and then realize I’m somewhere I’m not supposed to be. Being up here...it’s not the real world. But Sacramento is, and it’syourworld. We might realize I don’t fit into it.”

He pushed back his chair and paced to the glass doors.

“Gabriel,” she said, her voice cracking. Was she crazy to doubt what they had? How was she supposed to know whether it was wisdom or fear holding her back?

He turned to her, confusion and pain all over his face. “I want this to be real, not some temporary fling to pass the time. I thought—I hoped—you wanted that, too.”

“I do want that, but I’m so wrapped up in you, I feel like I’d do anything you asked, and I’m only just learning what I want. I was a mess when I got here. You know that.”

She almost told him she loved him. Because of course she did. And it might reassure him to hear it. But they were so new, and she was trying to do things right this time.

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