Page 35 of Out of the Cold

But first a shower, because she could still smell him on her skin, and God help her, she liked it.

***

Gabe sat where he was, the whiskey forgotten.

Blinding pleasure and release, and several blissful seconds free of regret and doubt. He’d never had such an explosive encounter, and it had left him reeling, undefended.

The ache he’d tried to numb into submission throbbed again in his chest. He couldn’t afford to feel anything now. Not tenderness, not regret. Closing his eyes, he bore down on the pain that threatened to erupt until it hardened again, a tight black ball lodged behind his heart.

He’d learned to deal with that pain, to control it, numb it. Now he needed to forget what had happened with Lucy, put it out of his mind.

Only, how was he supposed to do that when she’d opened up to him without hesitation, as hungry as he was? She’d been fierce and greedy, nothing like he’d have expected. He’d been rough with her, completely lacking in finesse, but she’d wanted more.

Maybe she wasn’t as fragile as he thought.

Either way, he was going to have to talk to her. But not tonight. He was still too raw for that.

He fell into bed without changing his clothes. He could still smell her on his skin as he drifted into a dreamless sleep.

He slept thirteen hours straight, waking to the sound of Lucy calling her dog.

Lucy.

What would it be like to wake up with her? To see her sleepy eyes, feel her loose-limbed body against his?

No, he couldn’t think about that. Nothing like that could ever happen with her.

He drank his coffee standing at his front window, watching her throw some kind of toy that Hilde ran and caught, over and over. Grabbing his binoculars, he trained them on Lucy’s face. She was laughing, her long hair lifting lightly in the breeze. She threw the red rubber toy again and hugged herself as if she were cold.

She didn’t look devastated.

He’d let things get the best of him yesterday, but he couldn’t do that again. He already knew things about her he shouldn’t. The scent of her skin, the heat and taste of her. How her hair was silky and fine, her collarbone delicate under his clumsy hands.

The scent of her still lingered on his skin, an intimacy he didn’t deserve or know what to do with. He washed it away in a hot shower, refusing to let himself imagine her there with him, her skin slicked with water. There was no place for that in his life now. Those last months with Angie had proved it. His entire existence up here proved it.

Afterwards, he faced himself in the mirror. He hadn’t cut his hair since coming up here, hadn’t trimmed his beard in weeks. He looked wild, menacing even.

Was that why Lucy looked at him the way she did? Was she scared of him?

A day ago, he wouldn’t have cared. Today, the thought left him chastened.

He’d go to the barber sometime this week, but he could fix his beard now. Digging his clippers from a drawer in the vanity, he trimmed it closer, then shaved a neat line on his cheeks and along his throat.

That was better.

He had an honest-to-God hickey on his neck. It was faint, but he remembered her teeth on him as he sank into her. If only he didn’t remember the heat and silk of her or the sounds she made as she came apart.

He forced those thoughts aside. He sure as hell wasn’t going to let himself get aroused before talking to her.

By the time he got dressed, Lucy and Hilde were no longer outside. He made his way to her door, then stood there, too nervous to knock. But inside Hilde started barking, forcing him to knock so he wouldn’t look like a fool.

She didn’t come immediately, and he had time to wonder if she’d ignore him out here. He was debating whether to knock again or go home when the door swung open.

She stood in the doorway, her normally expressive face unreadable. She didn’t say anything, but Hilde rushed him, her tail wagging as she stuck her snout into his hand.

He patted Hilde’s head, grateful for the distraction. “Can we talk?”

Her face softened a fraction. “I suppose we’d better,” she said, heading through the mudroom and into the kitchen.

---