Page 66 of Out of the Cold

“Probably. But I had my reasons for coming here, and nothing has changed.”

“I can see how it would be hard to leave. You forget the outside world. It’s a little like being in a spell.”

“That’s a nice way of thinking about it.”

“It’s probably silly. I suppose I read too much.”

“You should never apologize for the way you view the world. It’s one of the things I like most about you.”

Her mouth fell open, and her heart started to beat faster.

?***

Maybe it was the waythe dark surrounded them, like they were the only two people left in the world. Maybe it was the way she didn’t ask any questions, didn’t press to know what had driven him up here.

She’d opened up to him about her own struggles. He could do the same. Or maybe he was simply tired of holding back. It took more energy than coming clean.

“You were right that I used to be a different person,” he said.

Her head came up, her eyes dark and solemn.

“Something happened last winter, and I haven’t...it just about killed me. I didn’t know what else to do, so I came here.”

“You don’t have to tell me, Gabriel.”

“I want to, though. I think I might need to.”

He took a few steadying breaths.

“When I was twenty-two, I dated a woman who worked for Big Brothers Big Sisters. She talked me into being a big brother, and I got matched with Ricky.” His voice was shaking, but he kept going. “He was only seven, this skinny little kid with glasses and big eyes. I was worried about what I’d do if I didn’t hit it off with the little brother they gave me, or if he didn’t like me, but it was great right from the beginning.”

“I bet you were an amazing big brother.”

“I tried, anyway, and it was so easy to make him happy. I saw him at least once a week for years, less as he got older, but we always talked or texted. I took him hiking and camping, and he loved it, so that was kind of our thing.”

He stopped, not sure he could go on. Lucy put her hand over his. It was so simple, but that one gesture, the warmth of her hand on his, gave him the courage he needed to keep going.

“Last January, right after the New Year, I flew him to Telluride with me, where I was meeting with suppliers and distributors. I figured he could do some skiing, and I’d join him when I wasn’t working. He was in his senior year of high school and busy with a million things, so I hadn’t seen him in a few months.”

Ricky had talked nonstop the whole flight, first telling him about a girl he’d been trying to hook up with, then asking him a million questions about the skiing in Telluride.

“I had meetings all day the first day, so he was planning to ski the resort slopes. But he changed his plans that morning and went out with a couple of guys he met in a ski shop.” He was sweating now, his stomach roiling with nausea. “They headed into the backcountry, to a pass they had no business being on with the avalanche danger that had been forecast. He skied down first and was killed in an avalanche the second guy triggered.”

“Oh my God.”

He hadn’t known for hours. He’d schmoozed and negotiated, eating a catered lunch in a conference room that looked out over the mountains. He’d even noticed a helicopter in the distance at one point. He’d never know if it was the one picking up Ricky’s body.

“He should have known better. Hedidknow better, because I taught him myself.” He stopped and took a breath, but his voice still shook when he spoke again. “I had to call his mother and tell her he was dead.”

Both her hands were on his now. “I’m so sorry, Gabriel.”

He stood and paced to the glass doors. But there was nothing to see but his own reflection. He strode over to the woodstove and opened it up. It could do with more wood.

“Gabriel.”

He put a log in, then another and another, before closing it carefully.

She was beside him now, her hand on his arm. “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know what he was going to do.”

---