Page 70 of What I Should Have Known

Let me.

I wanted to scream out, cry out, beg for her to let me. I wanted no one else, desired nothing else. Every craving of mine for the rest of my life would be her.

Let me be yours.

Her brows twitched, pulling together. “What?” she asked.

“I didn’t say anything,” I hesitantly said, a modicum of confusion bubbling within the haze of oxytocin.

“Yes, you did. You said, ‘Let me be yours,’” she stated, and my eyes widened.

“Shit. Fuck.” I slapped the back of my hand against my mouth and pushed back, sitting against my heels. “That wasn’t supposed to be out loud. I don’t want you to think that just because we—Sex is—If you want—Fucking hell, Benjamin,” I finally finished, hissing at myself.

She slowly slid her legs out from either side of me as I stared at the wall above her head.

“Kat, I was high on sex, so—”

“So, you didn’t mean it?” she immediately inserted, her voice breaking.

Glancing down at her, my heart shredded. She attempted to wrap her arms around her body, hiding herself away. Hiding everything I already wanted to lap up again.

“No, I meant it,” I bluntly admitted, studying her eyes as they misted over. I wasn’t going to play some shitty game anymore. I wanted her. And I was going to fucking get what I wanted. Even if it tore me apart. As I’d told her before, she was in control.

Her tears not quite tipping over the dam, slowly dried up. “Wait, what?”

Swallowing stiffly, I slid away from her and draped my legs over the side of the bed. “Let’s get cleaned up and then I think we need to talk.”

“Okay,” she whispered, tugging the disheveled sheets across her body.

Rising from the edge of the bed, I stooped down and snatched my sweats and compression boxers from the floor. As quickly as I could, I disappeared from the room to bring her what she needed. Within five minutes, we were both cleaned up and sitting awkwardly on the mattress.

Her dress was back on, and somehow, during the time she’d been in the bathroom, she’d fixed her hair, and other than smelling like me and sex, there was no evidence of what we’d just done upon her anymore.

“Bernie, I don’t even know what to say,” she muttered and picked at a fraying string on my white sheet.

“I didn’t mean to ruin things. I just…”

“I liked hearing you say that.”

Rubbing a hand over my face, I closed my eyes. “I fucking ruined—” Pausing mid-sentence, I snapped open my eyelids and locked onto her as she darted her gaze to the bed. “You liked it?”

She nodded and chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. “I feel like a bit of an idiot though.”

“Why?”

“Because I convinced myself I was actively ‘fighting’ this stupid thing with Wyatt, when all I’ve done is refuse to date him. I’ve just been idly sitting by, accepting that at some point he and I will get married. All because it’s what my father asked. And I don’t want to hurt my dad, but I’m also the one who has to live the rest of her life with whatever I let happen. So, why haven’t I fought harder? Or just said ‘fuck it’ and done whatever the hell I wanted to do.” She lifted her beautiful eyes from the sheet twisting between her fingers and met mine.

Shifting so she was sitting cross-legged across from me, she gave me a small smile. “Despite all of the reasons you had to leave, you didn’t. So, yes, I liked hearing you say that you wanted me to let you be mine.”

My heart skipped a beat, excited, but still cautious. “Except your dad and his opinion—”

“I love my dad, Bernie. But I’ve let him decide what he wants for me for too long. I will always love him, but I deserve his respect too. I deserve for him to trust my choices for myself.” She leaned forward and crawled toward me. “I’ve been scared you’d finally see me, all of me, and change your mind. And yeah, we haven’t known each other that long, but I’d like to at least have a chance.”

Pulling my legs up onto the mattress, I met her across the comforter and stopped in front of her. Sliding a hand around the back of her neck, I leaned forward and pressed my lips against the tip of her button nose. “I will eventually leave. That doesn’t change, you know that right?”

Her skin brushed against my lips up and down. “Yes, I know. But I’ll be here, waiting. Okay?”

I dropped my hand from her skin and looked away. “Don’t make that promise, Kat. Every single person makes that promise, and every single one fucking breaks it. I never cared before, but with you…” Nodding to myself, I inhaled deeply. “I don’t think I could handle that coming from you.”

---