Page 5 of What I Should Have Known

I opened my eyes and gave her a tight smile. There it was. The very shit I didn’t want to acknowledge. Or think about. Or mention. Or—

“You need to talk to someone about it,” she continued.

Or fucking talk about. Not right now. No matter how much I’d tried to convince myself that I knew Duncan was with me, with my team, I couldn’t shake whatever dark blanket hung stiffly on my shoulders.

“Right. ’Cause talking to someone about the fact that I—” I snapped my mouth shut.That I was laughing as the bullet ripped through my brother’s head…

What was a therapist going to do?

“Well, if you won’t talk to someone, you need to get out. You shouldn’t have finished my list of things this quickly.” She dropped her hand from my cheek as the front door rattled open.

“Mom!” A young voice sheared loudly through the air. “I’ve got it! I’ve got it!”

“In here, honey!” my mom shouted and then raised both of her brows. “Actually, this is perfect timing. I need to finish a few things around the house, so you can take your brother to the shelter for me.”

“The shelter?” I asked as my fifteen-year-old brother strolled into the room with a massive grin on his face.

“I promised him when we moved here a month before you came home that if he earned enough money cutting lawns, he could adopt a dog from the local animal shelter,” my mom explained.

Whipping my gaze to my brother, I narrowed my eyes. “School’s not even out for the summer yet and you’ve already earned enough money?”

Raiden grinned wickedly, a smug-ass look on his face I knew all too well. One that I knew graced my own lips often. “Some of us actually know how to do more than blow stuff up.”

Gesturing in a circle around me, I raised my brows. “I know how to put things together too. Look around.”

“Okay, you two,” our mom quickly inserted and focused her attention on me. “Just drive him, would you? But change your shirt first; that one has a few stains.” She brushed her hand down the side of my white T-shirt that had grease smeared on it.

“Yes, ma’am,” I replied and hustled out of the room.

After changing into a clean long-sleeved navy T-shirt that I pushed halfway up my forearms, Raiden and I were in my black 4Runner, cruising down back roads that were unlike anything I’d driven before. This small, flyover town in the southwest corner of Montana was quite beautiful. Dark pines scratched the sparkling blue canvas overhead. Cattle and horses grazed in nearly every lush green pasture surrounding single farmhouses.

Raiden pointed out a few of his friends’ homes as we wound closer to the one-stoplight town. I now lived only about four and a half hours away from where Mikey and Griffin had settled in Idaho, and I understood what my mom had been hinting at. But they both had lives with someone else. I had my mom and brother to look after until the next deployment.

Placing the heel of my right hand on the top of the wheel, I leaned my elbow against the windowsill, watching the bright cotton balls fly by overhead. Telephone wires bounced along the edge of the road, high in the sky, weaving between trees. The lack of traffic was nice. Unusual, but nice.

Though the longer I sat in solitude with nothing on my mind, the harder it became to drown out the ringing.

The thoughts.

That…moment.

“Why didn’t we take your motorcycle?” Raiden asked, piercing through the monotony and spiraling I was locked in.

I glanced his way with a raised brow, and he nodded slowly. “Right. Where would the dog sit on the drive home?”

“Do you like it here?” I asked.

He stared forward, chewing on his thoughts for a moment, and then bobbed his head up and down. “Actually, yeah. I got a group of friends that I fit in with; Mom lets me have more freedom. I even got a girl.” A grin slid across his face.

“You what? Since when?” I grabbed his shoulder and shook him lightly.

“Since like a week after we moved here actually.”

“And you didn’t fucking tell me until now?” I pulled my hand off and shot him a glare.

“I wanted to tell you in person.”

“But I’ve been home for a few weeks.”

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