Page 107 of What I Should Have Known

Just as I rounded the front of Emma’s car, I heard Scottie mutter, “She’s Dom’s type, isn’t she?”

Chapter 34

BERNIE

Islid a finger around the rim of my glass as I lazily caressed Muffin. She yawned and stretched in my lap, seemingly as exhausted as I felt.

“Just like last night, your cat will have to go back outside before the evening rush,” Mike said, pausing in front of me.

I raised a brow at the bartender and owner. “Thanks for letting her in right now,” I replied.

He chuckled, the rag squeaking against the cup he cleaned. “She’s hairless, so it’s no biggie. I just can’t have everyone thinking I’ll make an exception for just anyone.”

“But something about my charming smile won you over?” I gave him a crooked grin, and he shook his head.

“Obviously. You sure you still don’t want anything more than a Coke? Most folks add something extra to theirs.”

I glanced back down at the half-empty cup with mostly flat soda that had become room temperature a while ago. “Nah. This’lldo me fine.”

“Most people come to bars for alcohol or socialization. You’re here for neither, it seems,” he continued.

He wasn’t wrong. My pride and guilt consumed me, and I had no idea how to confront either. Darkness loomed on the horizon, and being closer to Duncan had done nothing to help me wade the turmoil.

Running from Kat hadn’t been the best decision, I knew that. Taking a page from Ford’s playbook hadn’t offered the solace I’d expected. But it was the only way I could convince myself that I’d never be the reason someone else got hurt.

Which, deep down, I knew was a fucking contradictory thought considering the fact that when orders came, I’d be back out in a war zone, and the inevitable would eventually happen.

But I’d made a promise to Kat. I’d even made a promise to my mom, yet somehow the cops were leery of me, even without breaking the law. I’d hit a new record seeing as I hadn’t blown shit up.

Not anything physical anyway.

I’d certainly blown my relationship up. Probably destroyed my mom in the process, and what about Raiden? He’d grown up without his father, and now I’d left.

There was only so much justification a man could convince himself of before the guilt bled through.

I wondered how long I’d stick around here before moving on, seeing as being at Duncan’s grave had brought me very little comfort. Maybe a trip to visit his mom in person would help. Except a wave of selfishness shoved that thought out.

What a cruel person I’d be to show up with my own shit when the mother who’d lost her child was grieving as well. Part of me wondered what right I had to feel like this?

We’d all signed up for this shit knowing it was possible.

But knowing it could happen, versus it actually happening, were two different beasts.

It should’ve been me.

“How dare you.” A voice as warm as honey yet as sharp as a knife in the belly seared through my thoughts.

I shot my gaze to the front door of the bar.

“Hey, Kit Kat,” I said, not entirely surprised to see her. Yet, the amount of relief and love that filled me came as a shock. With one hand on her hip, her disheveled hair fit the sweats and T-shirt hanging from her body. How beautiful she was.

She’d kept her promise, even if I’d failed.

Whipping my head away from her, I rammed my eyes shut and fought at the tears brimming against the dam I’d been so good at keeping sealed.

Footsteps rattled my way as the bottle I’d stuffed everything into exploded. As if I was back in the trenches, the overwhelming gush of the comfort she provided raged upon me like an ocean I dove into.

Arms wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me into her chest. The familiar scent of her gentle caress wafted over me, with a hint of airport. My breath heaved in my lungs as the tears slid down my cheeks.

---