Page 103 of What I Should Have Known

“But why?” I slid my hand across my cheeks, wiping away the wet trails. “Why is it always the man that goes after the woman? Why can’t it be the other way around especially when Bernie is clearly in a lot of pain? He deserves that just as much as I do.”

Eleanor’s brows twitched upward, and she braced her palm against the counter to her side. Heavy breaths escaped her nose as she stared at me, unwavering.

“I’m going to go find him,” I whispered.

Her jaw trembled as every feature on her face tightened and twisted with grief. “Thank you,” she gasped and collapsed forward. Her sobs racked her chest, the tears dampening my pink T-shirt.

“Thank you,” she quietly gushed through her crying. I wrapped my arms around her body, knowing just how much comfort she needed through all of this. Just as he did.

I was still angry at him, and I would be until he heard everything I had to say. But I longed for him more than I was upset. My heart ached to be with him. My soul needed him.

And I knew he needed me.

He deserved that.

Inhaling deeply, I simply held Bernie’s mom until there were no more tears to cry. Slowly, she pulled away from me and sniffed as she wiped the stains from her cheek.

“Where’s Ford?” she asked, glancing around me.

“Huh?” I said, confused why he would be brought up now.

She gave me a gentle smile. “He clearly wasn’t up in that room. So, if you’re going to find my son, I suggest calling Ford. He is either with Bernie or knows where he went.”

Relief coated my tightened chest, and I nodded. “I will find him. No matter what it takes.”

Eleanor heaved one last sigh. “Thank you for loving my son.”

Love?

Bernie loved me. His mom believed I loved him. Is that what all of this was? All of these confusing feelings, the unbearable moments of being parted, and the inability to think of anyone else, were those all signs of love? Or was it an obsession?

No. It wasn’t an obsession. It couldn’t be, because I still functioned without him, no matter how much I wanted him. What we shared was mutual and equal.

But did that make it love?

I certainly felt things I’d never experienced with him before. And I certainly saw myself in his future. But love was new for me. I wasn’t even sure what that might be like, but what I for sure knew was that Bernie had consumed all that I was.

Chapter 33

KAT

Islipped into the passenger seat and shut the door. “I need to make a phone call really quickly,” I said without glancing at Emma.

“Uh, you’re going to tell me what’s going on while I drive you back to your parents’ house,” she replied, and I heard the click of the car locking as the gear engaged.

Her hand plopped onto the side of my seat as she glanced out the rear-view mirror to begin backing up.

“No. I need to go find him.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket and unlocked it.

“I thought that’s what we were doing here.”

“But he’s left, so I’ve got to find him. I choose Bernie. Everyone sees him as this impulsive, immature man who messes up everything, but he’s so much more than that. His impulsivity is exciting and fun. He brings an amount of joy to everything he does that I’ve never experienced before. And he deserves to have someone choose him as muchas the rest of us.” I glanced at Emma as she gently pressed the brakes and stopped our slow roll from the driveway. “Sure, he’s got his SEAL team or whatever, but shouldn’t he have more than that too? His mom can’t go find him because of Raiden. Honestly, I wouldn’t let her go find him because I made him a promise too. Not only did he keep me safe, but he didn’t once judge Sawyer about his addiction. That’s as honorable as anything.”

Emma exhaled deeply and ran her teeth over her bottom lip. “All right, make your phone call. I’ve got a day before I have to hit the airport for another business trip, so I’ll drive you wherever you need to go. After that, you can take my car. But promise me something.”

Nodding at her, I raised my brows in silent agreement.

“Promise me that you’ll communicate all of this with both of your parents, not just your mom. I know Bernie wouldn’t want an easy ticket into your life, but he’s not really had it that easy ever, has he?” She gave me a wide smile.

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