Page 99 of What I Should Have Known

“I remember climbing down from the four-wheeler, the most awful pain ripping across my left arm and then it was lights out,” I softly said.

“Are you nauseous at all? Dizzy?”

“Both. Plus, there’s this rather excruciating dull ache on the back of my head.”

I heard him sigh and cracked my eyes open. He let his touch fall away from my arm and braced his palms against the edge of my mattress. “I bet when the bullet hit you, you instinctively shot backward to try and get out of the pain and smacked your head against the four-wheeler,” he explained.

Slipping my hand away from the back of his neck, I latched onto his wrist as he rose from the ground. “Don’t go. Please.”

He gave me a tight smile, but there was something in his gaze that kept the reassuring gesture from reaching his eyes. “I’m right here, Kit Kat. You’re safe.”

“Then kiss me,” I begged, desperation for his comfort bleeding through the hard exterior I attempted to build.

His beautiful, sorrow-filled gaze remained steady with mine as he placed a hand beside my head on the pillow and leaned forward. Warmth from his body heat settled over me like a gentle blanket as the familiar smell of his musk draped upon my senses.

Less than an inch away from my lips, he briefly paused and brushed some hair away from my face. “We’re going to get this bed very messy if I’m not careful,” he whispered.

“Is that a poor attempt at a sex joke?” I teased, ignoring the fact that he was right, seeing as he was still covered in mud.

A spark jumped in his gaze, and for half a second, the smile finally cracked to his eyes. Then his lips gently captured mine. As if heaven had been brought to Earth, his kiss stole me away into a world that held no apprehension for every burning city he had traversed. There was no anguish lingering at the tips of his touch.

For a moment, as his velvet mouth danced against mine, there was nothing but him and I.

The pillow dipped beside me as he scrunched the fabric between his fingers, deepening the kiss. Simple, passionate, intimate in a way that I’d yet to know from Bernie. My hand returned to the back of his neck, threading once more through sticky, rain-soaked hair. I wanted him. I wanted this.

I needed him.

Breaking the kiss briefly, he tipped his head the other way and dove back in. All fear that had once coursed through me with the idea of being so public with this man fled. The worries about what would happen with my dad when he found out were gone. How beautiful that there was now freedom in being with Bernie. My dad had to accept this; otherwise he’dbe pushing for the man that shot his daughter. Wyatt’s parents had to be understanding, considering the actions of their own son. Which had me desperately clinging to the notion that something could still be worked out for the debt my parents’ ranch was in.

The fleeting thoughts of comfort melted into the desperate and tender kiss that Bernie offered. Both of his hands clamped around my cheeks, tightening his hold against me and gently raising me slightly from the bed.

I wrapped both of my arms around his neck, allowing the momentum and his embrace to lift me slowly. Stars danced behind my eyelids, but whether it was from the movement or rush of heat through my body by his kiss holding to mine, I wasn’t sure.

His thumb swept back and forth upon my cheek as he moved his lips against mine. Seeking so intensely as if he was afraid he might forget what it felt like. I slid my hands down his shoulders and dropped them to his waist. Twisting the fabric between my fingers, I tugged him closer.

He smiled against my mouth and nibbled gently at my bottom lip. Pausing for a moment, his chest rose and fell sporadically with every breath, and then he dove right back in. This time a little more aggressive, a little more passionate, as if he longed to make that mess he joked about.

A quiet moan escaped my mouth as he slid his kiss down my neck and sank his teeth into my skin. I could only imagine how salty it tasted seeing as I’d only been cleaned up by whatever the doctors and nurses had seen fit, but he didn’t seem to care. He slid his tongue against the bite mark, and with every passing second, I knew his control was quickly fleeting, and I wanted him to make that mess of me right now. No matter how ill-timed I knew it was.

He tipped my head sideways, exposing more of my body for him to devour as he trailed his wet kiss down to my collarbone. One set of his fingers left my face and pushed the edge of my hospital gown off my shoulder where he slid his tongue across the newly unveiled skin.

And that familiar click of a handle disengaging seared through our private moment.

Bernie shot away from me as panicked chatter filled the room and sent my head into a nauseating spin. Chatter from people I knew loved me and shoved themselves between Bernie’s fading frame and the edge of my bed.

“I’ll let you go. Your family is worried,” Bernie muttered. I barely heard him through the uproar from my family. Grief slipped across his face, and he disappeared into the shadows behind the swarm that surrounded me.

A whirlwind of people filled with questions about what happened and whether I was okay. Amongst the frantic pressure from both of my parents and my brothers was a familiar reassuring voice from my best friend, who’d clearly brought them. I attempted to gaze around my mom who screeched in a panic voice directly in front of me. Everything twisted around me as if I was stuck in a hurricane and the one thing that held me grounded had been ripped away.

Bernie. He was the person who kept me steady.

A splitting headache had the room spinning, and my family around me turned fuzzy and discombobulated. I couldn’t make heads nor tails of what was up and what was down, as people fussed over me. Little hands from my brothers jumped up onto the bed as another set of arms wrapped around me in a tightening hug.

But all I wanted was Bernie.

Nausea curdled in my throat, threatening to dispel at any second. It was cruel that at this moment, surrounded by my mom, dad, Emma, and three brothers that I still sought out one singular man. I knew that. I was aware that despite Emma’s best attempts to keep them from crowding me too closely, I even desired for her to leave.

Cramming my eyes shut, I clamped my hands over my ears. The noise drifted away, as if I’d slipped beneath the surface of a lake and a semblance of balance and calm returned. But the temporary control was lost as I realized that amongst the drowning clatter, I couldn’t find Bernie.

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