Page 68 of What I Should Have Known

It shouldn’t have hurt me as much to finally admit that to myself as it did now, but it ripped at the scars I too carried on my soul. He was my last moment of freedom. He was the final requiem I would play before succumbing to the solitude of a cage I was destined for.

And he’d warned me.

I’d warned him, reminded him as frequently as he had me that we were destined for an implosion created by our hands.

As he took the next step, I wriggled my wrist enough that his fingers loosened, and I slipped mine into his. A soft, shaky inhale came from him as I tightened my hold on his hand. With every final fervency that I could muster, I pressed my palm against his.

“Bernie?” I whispered as time whirled back to its usual plunder forward, drawing me closer and closer to a death I’d never imagined would be mine.

He paused in front of a door that Muffin slipped around. “Hmmm?” He glanced over his shoulder at me, mossy green eyes piercing through me like the sword coming the moment Bernie left.

“Show me after,” I said.

His brows pinched together, the faint freckles on his cheeks twitching with confusion. “After what?”

With a final swallow of resolve, I took a single step closer to him and slipped his hand entangled with mine to my lower back. “After this,” I quietly replied and tipped onto my toes.

My lips brushed so gently across a kiss of velvet. His skin beneath my palm I placed against his waist erupted in goosebumps as my bones prickled with desire.

Simple. Innocent.

“But…what about what we just talked about?” he asked against my mouth, his fingers digging into my back as I removed my hand.

I smiled, his silky kiss hot with each wave of breath. “We’re already on borrowed time, you know that.”

A calloused palm pressed against my cheek, tipping my head sideways, and I glanced at Bernie through slitted lids. There was an indecipherable emotion upon his face, something split between understanding, disdain, and desire.

“Are you sure? You only get your first, once,” he asked, slipping a thumb across my cheek. I closed my eyes again, feeling another brush of his lips against mine.

“Yes. Because at least this is my choice, and mine alone.” I placed my other hand against his waist, the warmth of his bare skin slithering into my palms. Reassurance as well as a rush of erotic craving pulsed through me all from that simple touch.

“Ford will know.” His lips pecked mine, speaking a protest, but the pressure from his large hand deepened against my back, and he guided us a step closer to his bedroom.

“He already thinks we have.” I ran my fingers across the hemline of his sweats. The divot of his V-line prominent beneath my touch.

“You sure you don’t want it somewhere crazy with a crazy story to join?” His chest bumped against mine, and every beat of his rapidly pounding heart melded with the rising pulse of my own.

“This isn’t some story for me to tell.” As I cracked my lids open, we took a step, in tandem, and passed through the door frame into his room. “The only two people who need to know are the two here.”

His brows twitched and a tender smile full of simple adoration caressed lips that brushed like butterfly wings across mine. “You are aware of…of the shitty playboy stuff I’ve donebefore, right?”

I nodded as his hand briefly left my back and the door thumped closed behind me. With a click, I knew the lock had been engaged, and then his touch was against my back once more.

“And you’re still okay with it being me?” he asked.

“You’ve been more honest with me from day one than anyone else in my life. That’s all I care about.” I raised a hand and brushed at the wavy strands of his hair that seemed untouched from his sleep. A flash of guilt so quickly crashed across his face and then left, I almost didn’t notice it.

And immediately forgot about it as his hands trickled down my sides and slipped beneath my thighs. My eyes widened as he hoisted me from the ground and out of instinct I hooked my legs around his waist. The expected grunt from the effort of lifting someone as heavy as me never came.

Not a strain etched across his face as he spun around and carried me to his bed. Soft linen brushed against my shoulder blades, the mattress dipping as he laid me down. His eyes connected with mine again as he slid me further onto the bed with one arm, and he crawled between my legs.

With every sense of mine trained on him, there was nothing left but this moment. There wasn’t a thing except for the man who gently laid me down onto pillows that smelled just as he did. His shadow engulfed mine, a symphony of ease and excitement roaring warm within my body. The very marrow of my bones held no apprehension for what I knew was to come.

For someone who seemed sometimes overly crude, his touch was anything but. Fingers whispered across my collarbone, his gaze tracking the movement as he slipped the first strap of my dress from my shoulder.

My heart jumped into my throat. An ache rose between my legs as hot breath washed upon the newly exposed skin, and then his wet lips followed. Deliberate. Soft. Delicate. He seemed in no rush.

And for the first time in my life, I was more than the girl next door. I wasn’t someone’s friend. I wasn’t that teenage girl who’d looked into the mirror and begged to be the one someone noticed.

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