Page 59 of What I Should Have Known

Page List Listen Audio Download Book

Font:

I chewed on the fat of information now flooding my mind. Sawyer’s expression tightened, one I’d seen before. One on Dom’s face once, yearsago when he’d first become team commander and during a joint mission when things went sideways, resulting in a death.

“You don’t need to explain anything to me. Addiction is a curse I wouldn’t wish on anyone.” I slowly unhooked the fly and began pulling some fishing line out.

Sawyer’s brows twitched. “You’re not going to yell at me? Get pissed? Hell, anything like that?” He turned to face me and opened his eyes.

I shook my head. “Not my place. I’m glad you’re clean, that’s all that matters.”

He gently pushed the fishing rod away from his chest, and the tension rippled from his body. The water gurgled around us, filling the silence that softened the air. Purple sunlight baked the mountains rising behind me, the bright yellow rays beat down upon the sagebrush and white pines that rose to the sky. A gentle breeze waved across the dewy field. This wasn’t really that bad. The quiet. The softness of nature was the opposite of me. And it wasn’t really that bad.

Ducking my chin, I laid my line down and twisted the reel’s handle. “Do you deal too, or is that only Wyatt?”

Sawyer finally resumed fishing. “Just Wyatt. His parents cut him off financially at eighteen, and he only gets his inheritance when he’s married, so he needed some cash. It was quick and easy. Or so he thought. Anyway, I was an idiot and ended up at a party with him where he offered some to me.” He chuckled to himself and shook his head. “I’m a fucking walking cliché because who gets addicted to crack? Like cocaine is used in every movie as the ‘go-to bad-guy drug,’ yet here I am, in real life, living that shit.”The remorse in his voice told me all I needed to know about how he truly felt about it all.

“Are you going to tell my parents so Kat doesn’t have to marry Wyatt?” he muttered under his breath, laying the line down in the water.

I glanced over at him as he swiped the back of his hand over his cheek. “The bigger question is why haven’t you said anything to your parents?”

Part of me pounded at the back of my mind, upset and annoyed that I was allowing myself to get wrapped up into shit that wasn’t my problem. But the other part of me reminded me of my motivation: Kat; and I stopped reeling.

Sawyer’s chest rose as his brows pulled tightly together, and the crease between his brows turned red. “She’s—She’s— She deserves better than him, I know that. But if I say anything to my parents, they’ll want proof. And that means telling them about—about me.”

“But you’re clean now.” I clacked my teeth together. The monster from earlier, the one I no longer had caged within my mind, begged to have me let him lash out at Sawyer. The rage that curled within my bones, dug its sharp tethers into my marrow, and the only thing that kept me from unleashing the hounds of hell was Kat herself.

“But they don’t know that I’ve ever used, and the amount of shame that’ll bring on my parents. It’ll trash our name in town, and it’ll be all my fault,” he said. Each inhale was sharper, shorter, as he gasped for oxygen, shame coating his figure.

“But what about your sister? Your own fucking sister is going to end up married to a dealer, and the further into this he gets, the harder it’ll be for him to get out. And not only that, at some point, she could becomea target and end up trafficked or killed or who knows what,” I managed to explain, mostly coherently from my teeth as the detriment of Wyatt’s choices slowly became clearer and clearer.

He nodded and a gush of tears rushed down his cheeks. “Please. Please help her. Bernie, Wyatt is already suspicious of you and Kat. And he gets really angry and loses all self-control when he’s high. I know I should’ve already said something. I should’ve already done anything to stop this, but…but… I’m just so sorry.” His rushed words trailed off as he faced me, fear twisting him into a shell of a man.

Sympathy raced behind the anger turning the world red around me. “Who are they? This gang he’s dealing for.”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. I’ve only met a couple of them once, and I was so high I don’t remember anything. I swear on my life if I knew anything to help you, I’d tell you. Please just protect Kat.” He crashed toward me, stumbling through the rocky waves. The moment he was within reaching distance, he latched a hand around my arm. “Please. I know you don’t owe me shit, and I know I’m a coward. I should’ve already said something. I know I’m a monster for not telling my parents. So, please.”

I studied him, his knuckles white around the sleeve of my hoodie. “The difference between being a monster and simply making some shitty choices is how you deal with the consequences.”

He furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”

I gazed out at the land I shouldn’t have been blessed with seeing. “This is the first step in trying to fix what you blew up. The next is telling your parents. A monster doesn’t try to fix what they blew up. A monster, on theother hand—” slowly, I looked back at him. “I, on the other hand, don’t know how to do that. So, if you want me to fuck this shit up, destroy these guys, tear these dealers apart, I can do that. Protect Kat, I can do that, and I will do that. I will protect her from whatever may come concerning Wyatt to give you time to tell your parents. This isn’t my problem to fix. That’s on you, Sawyer, because you are no monster. You’ve only made the wrong choice.”