Page 117 of What I Should Have Known

As the branches of the cypress and oak trees stretched higher and higher the sun faded behind deep, vibrant greens. And there it was—the almost hidden path I’d last set foot upon fifteen years ago. It was so easily disguised with moss and wild vegetation that it was often missed, but I knew this path by heart.

Turning off the road, I disappeared into the thicket, listening for sounds that I wasn’t alone. But other than the white noise of the Bayuk,there was not another soul around me. The tall blades of grass brushed against the ankles of my black joggers as I rounded another corner and slid my fingers across the damp bark of a cypress.

I paused and raised my brows. The once crudely built shack that had served as a hideout now resembled something more mature and stable. As if it was a simple cabin in the woods, the mismatched boards camouflaged by the moss crawling up the sides looked sturdy.

The green metal roof was tall enough that I wouldn’t have to duck to enter now, and the two windows beside the front door were made with panes of actual glass. I crept forward, meandering around some cattails and up the three steps onto the small porch. To either side, the beginning buds of spider lilies slithered their way up the railing. Once bloomed, they’d be that beautiful spiced cherry-red color that was her hair.

I grabbed the knob and twisted it. The hinges groaned as the door swung inward. Natural light from the windows bathed the front room in gentle rays of gold. Letting the door swing shut behind me, I dropped my duffel and rucksack on the floor to my right and scanned my surroundings.

It was the gentle kiss once shared on the worn striped couch to my left that sent shivers down my spine. Laughter bloomed in my ears as paint splattered all down the front of her shirt while we sat in the two chairs at the cracked round oak table to my right. The faintest whisper of her warm breath danced against my neck as she slipped into a deep slumber in my arms in front of an old television that still only played VHS tapes. The rug where we’d fallen onto from the couch whilst giving everything of ourselves to each other for the first time was no longer the vibrant blue it once had been.

I closed my eyes. It still smelled faintly of cinnamon despite the brand-new walls and larger floor plan. Apparently, she hadn’t had the heart to get rid of the memories since while the outside was new, everything inside had stayed the same.

Or she simply hadn’t been able to afford anything new other than reinforcing the one place that must have become her peaceful getaway in a world she had never been able to escape.

I knew.

There was no reason to get my hopes up.

Even if, for fifteen years, I’d closed my eyes and it was her fingers against my skin that kept me moving forward. Even if, while amidst war and violence, I’d drift away to where she smiled once again at me. Where her blazing green eyes, as vibrant as the leaves in this forest, danced with the fire that lit up by my lips against hers. Even if, when longing for home, it had been her voice I’d heard.

I knew.

As long as she was happy now.

Even if, for fifteen more years, I’d dream of no one but her.

While knowing I couldn’t have her because I’d destroyed her.

I knew.

It had all been for the best.

Choking down the tears that threatened to slip through the cracks in my dams, I gave one last glance around the room. This was supposed to be healing, but instead, I couldn’t bring myself to find out what lay in thesecond room that hadn’t been here before.

Except, perhaps entering this new space would wipe away the anguish twisting my depraved heart and the longing for a woman I could never call mine again.

I gulped and allowed myself to cross the room. My boots tapped heavily against the bare boards, seeing no need to muffle my steps. Despite the room being larger, it felt smaller when the doorway opening into the next room snuck up on me quicker than I anticipated.

Stepping over the threshold, knuckles cracked against my jaw. Stars danced in my vision as I whipped to my right, adrenaline focusing my senses. Another fist barreled toward me, and I parried it out of the way. Catching the wrist of my attacker, I pulled it across my body, spinning them around and jerking my assailant back against my chest. As I wrapped my arm around the throat of my attacker a familiar smell of cinnamon and clove danced up my nose.

Colette.

I snaked another hand around her stomach, pressing her frame tighter into my body. She squirmed and grunted, throwing her free fist backward towards me. I collected both wrists into one hand, keeping my forearm pressed against her windpipe.

“Let. Go,” she snapped, attempting to jerk away from me. Warmth spread up my spine. Disbelief swirling low in my belly as I tucked my nose against her neck. Her coily, fiery red hair tickled my skin as she continued to fight against my hold.

“You fucker! You’re trespassing,” she snarled, her voice low and intimidating.

Everything in my body soared high like a June bug on a summer night. I couldn’t believe it was her. She twisted her left hand, her skin wringing tightly against mine and burned slightly.

I carefully opened my fingers, releasing her one hand. “Hi, Cher,” I whispered into her ear.

Her body stiffened immediately within my embrace.

“F-Ford?” she stammered.

“Still got a mean right hook,” I replied, relaxing my hold a little more. She remained still, and the heat from her skin against my arm sent goosebumps sailing across my body. I heard and felt every breath she inhaled against my arm. The room spun around us, yet neither of us moved.

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