Page 20 of A Guardian for Christmas

“A terrible feeling came over me. I kicked open the door. The guy had been blocking her exit with his body, and he tumbled forward, knocking her down in the process. There was a scuffle, and she ran. She was OK. I should have de-escalated the situation. But by that time, I had lost every bit of sense my mother tried to give me. I should have tried to calm down. Instead, I pulled him to his feet and shoved him outside. One thing led to another, and it turned into a brawl. My entire squad descended on us, as did the guy’s friends. He hit me, and I hit back. That man hit the concrete, fractured his skull, and later died in the hospital. I did 12 years at the state penitentiary for voluntary manslaughter and was dishonorably discharged from the army.”

I wait for the gasp that never comes. I wait for Esme to tell me to get the hell out of her room, out of her house, how she never wants to see me again.

“That’s a long time,” is all she says, calm like she’s been cornered by a grizzly. But she hasn’t. All she has to do is tell me to leave, and I’ll go. I’ll hate it. I’ll be miserable, but I’ll do whatever she wants me to do.

“After everything the army did for me, paying for me to go to nursing school, making me an officer in the 75th. And I fucked it all up because I can’t control my alcohol. A man died because of me. Because I lost my temper. I have to live with that every day. And no matter how hard I try, I’m still choosing darkness. I shouldn’t have tracked you the way I did. I thought I was over my shit, but look at what I did to get to you, Esme.”

When she doesn’t say anything for a long time, I turn to Esme, barely able to meet her eyes.

“I’m glad you did what you did to get to me.”

I meet her gaze finally. She’s staring at me with tears in her eyes.

“It was the nicest thing anyone ever did for me.”

“Nice?” I grunt.

Esme flinches, and I immediately feel like shit.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I barely know what day it is. I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I’ve never allowed a visitor to see me looking like completely dog shit before…I…”

And that’s about enough of that.

I waste no more time, locking my arms around her, quieting her words with my mouth.

Her shocked gasp is followed by a firmer kiss, my lips pressed against hers hungrily, my hands holding her steady against my chest.

Esme’s body molds to me, her tension melting away under my unrelenting kiss.

I take more. I take everything with my kiss, letting her know in no uncertain terms that she’s mine. That there’s nothing to be ashamed about.

Fuck denying my ego. She’s mine. All mine.

When Esme pulls away, I kiss the salty tears from her wet cheeks.

“None of that. No crying. You didn’t do this to yourself, and I never want to hear you say that again.”

Her breath is ragged, and her plump little breasts press against my chest as she struggles to get the words out. She’s fighting tears. “You came here to help me. I don’t know how you knew, but you came, and you helped me, and you saw me like that.” She turns her face away and gestures to the bed, remembering how I found her. “It’s so humiliating.”

“Stop it,” I say, cupping her face and kissing her again, trying to get my point across.

“You have nothing to be ashamed of. You’re Esme Fucking Bryant. I’m nothing. But I couldn’t stand not knowing if you were OK. I had to find out. I had to see you.”

She closes her eyes and just breathes. “You have no idea what that feels like … to know someone gives a shit when I’m at my worst.”

I cover her mouth with mine once more, this time slowly, tenderly, coaxing her mouth open.

Esme softly moans at the sensual slide of my tongue against hers. She tastes tea and mint from her toothpaste. Our breath mingles, hot and ragged, with too many emotions spilling over.

“And you’re not nothing, Sagan. You saw me on one of my best days. And now you’ve seen me at rock bottom. Trust me when I say being with me is not a walk in the park. I’ve been told I’m quite needy…restless…crazy…listless…helpless. The list goes on. I drive people away. You have no idea what I’m capable of…or not capable of.”

I slide my hands up over her back, giving her bony shoulders a gentle massage before cupping her face.

“I don’t care what anyone says. You’re here. I’m here. And I’m not leaving.”

Chapter Eleven

Esme

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