Page 60 of Santa Has Tentacles

“Yeah. He’s nice. The Santa thing was a way to get to know more about humans and Christmas.” Everything else I could think of to say sounded too personal to share with Jim, even though I wasn’t sure that was completely logical.

I also wasn’t sure how he’d figured it out, but he volunteered an explanation for that. “One of the girls Janet works with said she saw you guys having dinner after the party.”

Ignoring the girls thing since educating him on that wasn’t my top priority at the moment, I tried to stay on track. “Sounds like we need more snacks next year.”

Chuckling, I shook my head. “I knew the cookies and cupcake route would be fun but not quite enough food for everyone.”

“They get really attached to their humans. You know that, right?” It wasn’t where I thought we were going, so Jim’s words had my brain struggling to make a hard turn to find a new path. “You can’t date anymore once you’re in a relationship with them.”

Was this about his playboy lifestyle?

He looked like an accountant who’d been living in his mother’s basement for too long, but he must’ve had a magic dick with how often he dated.

“And they’re unfairly advantaged when it comes to dating.” Jim’s tone and his scowl said he was personally offended by something but I had to guess it was the tentacles thing.

Had a woman dumped him because he didn’t have tentacles?

“Um, well, you know how my track record has been lately and I don’t mind the attachment stuff.” I liked the attachment part of Saint’s personality. “Having a partner you know would never cheat isn’t a bad thing to me, either.”

And I didn’t have to worry about him getting into a fun new hobby that meant he could only see me a few times a month.

And I didn’t have to worry about him turning into a psycho who thought making me miserable was a way to practice being a sadist.

Some people were fucking nuts.

“We’ve got a lot in common too.” Books. Exhibitionism. Brownies. “What about you and Janet? I don’t remember ever hearing about what she does in her time off.”

Mostly because I did my best to avoid her.

“I…” Jim swallowed, nodding slowly. “Yeah, we’re figuring that shit out.”

It wasn’t helpful in changing the topic, but he seemed less worried, so I was taking that as a good sign. “That’s great.”

Not good enough, though.

“My brother met one at a bar and they got married a week later.” Jim wasn’t ready to let the conversation go yet, but getting more information felt like we were making progress. “He’d never dated a guy before.”

Jim had literally tried to set me up with the relief mailman that came in a few times a month because he thought we looked good together. He wasn’t homophobic. He was weird but he didn’t care where my dick was hanging out.

“Did you talk to him about it?” The way Jim went still and looked confused said he had not. “It’s basically part of their culture. When they fall for someone, they do it hard.”

There was no way to explain the whole thing without it sounding insane to Jim. He wasn’t ready for mates and submission or anything else like that.

“And a lot of guys don’t realize they’re bi until later in life.” I shrugged when his brows pulled together and didn’t bother trying to explain that they saw mates as being important, not genders. “It’s a thing. They get distracted by women in high school and college.”

Evidently boobs were really distracting if someone found women attractive.

“He dated a lot in college.” Jim’s tone was flat and I had a feeling he was talking to himself more than he was me. “He hadn’t dated seriously in a few years before he met…before he met his husband.”

Mate.

They were definitely mates.

And ones who’d explained the whole thing very badly to his relatives.

Maybe Saint should write a how-to manual on explaining the new relationship to the human’s family?

They were doing badass at the wholeseduce your human and take care of themparts, but the rest seemed rushed and needed more research.

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